Thornbird of the New City

Chapter 3

In the past, I never studied.

Because nobody else did. Among the girls around me, apart from Lilyan, no one took schooling seriously. Parents didn’t push their children to study either. To them, school was just a free place to dump the kids.

Now I realized that studying was something very important, though I hadn’t grasped its significance before.

I had fallen too far behind, and trying to teach myself was too hard. I asked Lilyan if she could tutor me.

"Of course, but I have other things after school, so I can't help you then," she said.

"How did you teach yourself Latin?"

She tugged at the corner of her mouth and smiled. "Look at the books, and you just pick it up."

"You have books about Latin at home?"

"Those are my father's books. Very precious." She looked at me carefully, as if afraid I might ask to borrow them.

Although I was curious about Latin, to be honest, I was failing even in the common tongue. Best not to think about anything else.

I threw myself into the great task of catching up with a desperate determination. The process was exceptionally difficult. First, I had to face strange looks, like from my sister Bella, who, seeing me study day and night, asked if I'd gone mad. Second, I had to conquer myself. After school, I used to play with dolls. Dolls were so much fun...

Finally, I also had to face Lilyan's sarcasm. Although she agreed to help me, in her free time she was mostly joking around with the boys. When I did find her, she would exclaim in an exaggerated tone, "You're so diligent! I really admire you."

And when I didn't understand her explanations, she would say very loudly, "You still don't get it? I've explained it to you several times already. It's the same principle. You need to use your brain."

I knew she was smart, but not everyone was as clever as her. After a few times, I felt particularly stupid and became too embarrassed to ask questions.

Later, something else happened. After that, I never asked her for help again, nor did I walk home with her.

It was a weekend afternoon. I happened to see Lilyan walking down the street carrying a thick book.

I followed her secretly, wanting to give her a scare. But she went through streets and alleys, walking a long way, and finally arrived at a very dilapidated building with a sign that read: New Town Library.

She went in and came out a little while later empty-handed.

The place looked dark inside. I hesitated for a long time before gathering the courage to enter. Deep in the hallway, there was an open area filled with tables and chairs, surrounded by neat bookshelves. A strong, musty smell hit me—the moldy scent of yellowing pages, like damp earth after rain.

An old gentleman noticed me and asked, "Are you looking for someone?"

"No, sir."

"Then do you wish to borrow a book?"

I didn't know what to say. I just stood there dumbly.

"There are library cards here. Come fill out some information. What kind of book are you looking for?"

"I... I don't know..."

"Fill out the information first." He pulled a card from a book titled *Elementary Latin* and placed it in front of me. "Here, copy this."

The name on that library card was Lilyan Cloudes.

I felt deceived. Lilyan had been keeping this from me, hiding it. It was too much.

I was angry and decided to give her the cold shoulder.

The problem was, when I ignored her, she ignored me right back. Plenty of boys vied to be her friend; she didn't need me at all.

And so, as the summer cicada song gradually faded, my grades slowly climbed from failing to passing. By late autumn, I even had a few 'Good' marks.

One day during math class, a nun came to the classroom.

"Annie, your sister isn't feeling well. Could you please take her home?"

In the school corridor, Bella sat all alone. She was clutching her stomach, her face pale. The moment she saw me, her face relaxed, like a little dog seeing its owner, full of grievance.

"The milk Mother gave me this morning must have been sour," she pouted.

"How lucky for us that the only milk in the house went to you."

It was noon, and the house was unusually stuffy. Bella felt dizzy from the heat and kept asking where Mother was.

"She must have gone out on urgent business," I said. "Are you hungry? I'll make you something to eat."

"You know how?" Bella said distrustfully. "You've never cooked before."

"How hard can it be? Go to your room and sleep for a bit. I'll call you when it's ready."

The house was quiet. I knelt on the floor peeling potatoes. The pot bubbled and gurgled. By the time I brought the boiled, mushy potatoes to Bella's room, it was already past one in the afternoon.

Bella was asleep, but restlessly, tossing and turning while holding her stomach.

As I put the food on the table, a sound came from the front door. I thought Mother was back, but then I heard Uncle Neely's voice.

"Darling, I've missed you so much." His voice was mixed with urgent panting, which felt very unsettling.

"You shouldn't have come today. Don't you know he might come home early?" Mother said.

"But I had to see you."

Holding the door, I peeked through the crack. In the living room, two people were nestled together. Mother and Neely were gazing at each other with tenderness.

"What did you want to tell me?" Mother asked softly.

"Tell you later. Let me kiss you first." The two kissed each other fiercely.

I saw everything. The two of them, naked, right there, seemingly ecstatic, yet also as if they were dying.

Once, I saw two dogs. They were stuck together at a busy crossroads. Passersby laughed and cursed; children threw stones at them. Now I knew humans were just the same as dogs.

It was disgusting. I felt nauseous. Who would have thought, turning around, I would meet a pair of eyes filled with terror.

Bella stood behind me. She whimpered, her whole body trembling. I quickly grabbed her, pushed her to the floor, and covered her mouth to stop her from crying out. I didn't know what would happen, but I knew we couldn't be discovered by the two outside, or something terrible would occur.

The intermittent, strange sounds from the living room went on for a very, very long time. The room was already stiflingly hot, but now it seemed mixed with a nauseating smell, utterly oppressive.

"What did you want to say, Neely?" Mother's voice sounded lazy, very frail.

"We can't see each other anymore," the man said suddenly.

"What! Why?" Mother cried out in alarm.

"Calm down, Elena! I haven't finished."

"I don't understand! You said you loved me, that even though we aren't married, we could still have each other's bodies and souls, and now you're telling me..."

"Elena, listen to me!"

"No! If we have to separate, it will kill me! Don't you love me anymore? Didn't you say you'd love me forever?" Mother began to cry sadly.

"I have no choice. Tina and Stoker seem to have noticed something. Stoker even said some strange things to me."

"Stoker? You're afraid of him? That damned cripple! A brute who only hits women! If he hadn't bribed my brother back then, I would never have married him!"

"Then what do you expect me to do!"

"For you, I can abandon everything. I'll divorce him right away!"

"And your children? William, Annie, and Bella. Can you abandon them?"

"Bella... yes, Bella!" Mother gasped, as if suddenly remembering something. "We can't separate. We still have Bella. She's our daughter."

"What!" It was like a thunderclap out of a clear sky. Neely's voice trembled. "What are you saying! You never told me Bella was my daughter!"

Mother shrieked, "Whose daughter is she if not yours? She looks exactly like you! Can't you see it yourself?"

"No—!! No—!!"

At that moment, I could no longer hold Bella back. She rolled on the floor, screaming shrilly. The naked man and woman rushed into the room one after the other, horrified.

"You... what are you doing home!" Mother's face flushed crimson, her whole body trembling.

Neely hurriedly pulled on his pants, complaining, "Just look at this mess!"

After a while, Mother calmed down. She looked at us quietly, even lit a cigarette. When it was finished, she stubbed the butt out on the windowsill, quickly got up, and started packing. She stuffed her clothes, Bella's clothes, haphazardly into a suitcase.

"What are you doing?" Neely asked.

"Can't you see? I'm leaving with you!"

"What! You're insane!"

"You're the one who's insane! Stay here and let Stoker beat me to death?"

"Don't be hasty. They're just children. They don't understand anything!"

"Even if they don't tell, I can't bear it anymore!"

I stared at them blankly. It wasn't until Mother picked up Bella that I realized she was going to leave me.

"Mom, where are you going?" I lunged forward and grabbed her coat.

"Annie, you stay home and be good. I'll be back soon." She pushed my hand away and walked out.

I hurried after her, crying, "Don't go, Mom, don't go! I swear I won't say anything! I won't say a word!"

But she shoved me hard. I fell to the floor, my forehead hitting the ground with a heavy thud.

She looked at me, her footsteps hesitating for an instant. But then she walked away without another glance back, never turning around.