Awakening The Goddess: Book II

Chapter 9: Emptiness

Derion

Two months. Two. f*****g. Months. I hadn’t seen or heard from her in two f*****g months and no matter how I begged and pleaded, she wouldn’t come back to me. She sent one picture to Ash of Bria holding my son when he was first born but that was it. She didn’t even send it to me!

I laid down in the grass and stared up at the sky as the tears pooled in my eyes. I deserve this. I don’t even know my son’s name and I deserve this. I did this to us and I couldn’t be mad about it.

I breathed in the smell of the spilled blood around me and it was the closest I would get to a semblance of peace. I looked to my left to see a pair of dead eyes staring at me. I had no idea who any of these people were, they were just in the wrong place at the right time.

I laid there hoping that Eriana would come to collect their souls like she used to but the blue sky grew darker and darker until the moon shone brightly upon me. I sighed as I sat up and looked around and watched the crows peck at the open carcasses spread about.

I bellowed her name at the sky, hoping she could hear me and if she could… I hoped she would answer me. She left a giant f*****g hole in my heart and now I was nothing but a ball of rage and bloodlust wrapped in this flesh.

I stumbled my way back to the truck and I sat in the passenger seat as I brought one of her shirts up to my nose and inhaled what little of her scent remained. In all the years we’ve been together, she’s never left me. Never. This was one f*****g mistake and she just left me like I was some abusive asshole. I made a f*****g mistake… one that I would regret for as long as I f*****g exist in this world.

I missed her. I missed Bria. I missed my son and I haven’t even met him yet. Hell, I don’t even know his name. I won’t get to see his first steps or hear his first words. I’ve already missed him opening his eyes for the first time and his first little yawn. I’ve probably missed so much already and I hate myself for it.

The more I thought about how much I was missing with my kids, the angrier I got and I felt the shadows slipping out ready and waiting to attack like snakes but there wasn’t a breathing soul nearby to take my anger out on.

As I sat in the seat wallowing in my own self loathing I reached for the box that held Ba Pef and fiddled around with it. I contemplated the consequences of releasing him, but it’s not like he would just be free to do as he wills amongst the earth.

For me, he would be no more than a tool to use as I please. He would have to bend to my will just like old times. My bloodlust grew more and more everyday after killing Eriana’s parents it just got worse by the minute.

I craved the destruction and hatred men gave off as they fought to their dying breath. I loved the smell of blood as it spilled on a warm spring day, painting the ground with that perfect hue of crimson. Ba Pef would be an excellent weapon although I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the kill as much I could wreak twice the havoc and maybe… maybe it would draw her out.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and when I turned my full attention to it, I wasn’t surprised to see the whites of my eyes were nonexistent. My eyes were pitch black and my entire body felt the way my eyes looked. My soul was corrupted… there was no more light to guide me to the right path and quite frankly, I don’t give a s**t at this point. If I’m going to be left to my own devices what’s the point of trying to be a good person? Who am I being good for since it’s clearly gotten me nowhere in all this time?

I sighed as I placed the box back into the glove compartment and made my way to the backseat. I hadn’t been home in weeks, I left everything in Anthony and Ash’s traitorous hands until I came back. They both kept in touch with Eriana but neither of them would tell me where she is, knowing it’s killing me.

I have half a mind to torture it out of them, but the thought of little Oliver keeps me in check. Neither Maria or Greg can find her with a locator spell and Giselle, she might as well be dead at this point. She was as useless as carpet in a bathroom since the whole Darius incident.

I couldn’t understand how everyone around me was so f*****g useless when it comes to finding their Luna. Even Selene wouldn’t answer for me. Granted, she was more Eriana’s friend than mine but she could at least show some mercy for a poor man.

Everyone thought I was out looking for the “hunters” killing people in the area, little did they know, it was me. I just needed to get away from the pack before I ended up slaughtering my own people. I might be a little morally broken right now, but I’ve still got most of my wit about me.

I hated the way everyone looked at me, like I was pathetic. They pitied me and I despised it. Everyone tried to hang out with me or try to keep me busy but they weren’t there in the middle of the night when my body literally aches from the distance. There’s nothing any of them can do to fill the hole in my heart and it’s literally driving me crazy.

Every morning was a struggle to get out of bed and every night was a struggle to fall asleep. She took everything from me and I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at her. She doesn’t deserve to be hurt, not by me or anyone else.

I want her to be safe and happy even if it wasn’t with me. That wouldn’t stop me from looking for her, though. If she wanted to leave me… to reject me, she’d have to do it to my face. She’d have to look in my eyes and tell me that she didn’t want me anymore.

I laid down in the backseat, letting the metallic scent of blood and the caws of the flesh eating birds lull me to the closest thing I could consider sleep. I laid there with my eyes closed and just listened to the sounds around me. I tried to take in all of the scents, all of the sounds..I heard the insects and small animals running around, hoping it would rouse Jordan, but nothing. It would be another night of crippling loneliness.

~Eriana~

“Good morning, Luna,” Cece called out as she carted our breakfast into our suite. I’d been here going on three months since that day at the diner. Why did I even leave? I knew Derion would slaughter our entire pack before he’d hurt me on purpose, but here I am hiding out anyway.

I sighed and looked over at Bria and Erion and my heart ached for them. I know Bria missed Derion and he hadn’t even had the chance to meet his dad yet. I’m a horrible parent, mate, and Luna.

Derion needs help and I’m holed up with Erian and Bria like a coward while the man I love is literally fighting for his life. What the f**k am I doing?

“Have you seen…,” I started as Cece looked up at me with sad eyes. She shook her head no and my heart ached. What have I done? I could feel the number of dead increasing across the country and I hoped it wasn’t at his hands, but I already know the answer. I didn’t want to leave Bria and Erion but I need to find him before he loses himself completely.

“He left to go take care of the hunters in the area,” she said with a proud smile. I didn’t want to tarnish her view of him so I just let her think he was out there being a hero instead of a villain. Derion is on a rampage right now and it’s all my fault. I did this to him and I have to fix it before I can’t anymore. They have so much faith in him, so much pride. He deserves it all and I would never want to take that from them.

I sighed as I took the cart with our breakfast for the day and led her back to our home realm. I walked back and admired the little cottage before me. Derion and I used to come here all the time in our first life when we would sneak away from the other God’s wandering eyes. He built us a home here that’s been standing strong for thousands of years. I never thought I would be here without him.

I wonder if he remembered or if bringing him here will help him. I don’t know if having the kids here would be a good idea though if he’s gone off the rails. What if he got here and the kids not being here set him off even more. I know he wouldn’t hurt them intentionally, but… things happen and I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to them.

I was so lost in thought that I hadn’t even realized I was just standing out in the yard until Ash came out of the house and started yelling at me.

“Girl, come on! We’re hungry and we’re waiting on you!” She yelled from the porch with Oliver in tow. I made my way back up to the house and walked in behind her to see Bria trying to give Erion a piece of fruit and Gia trying to take it from her. My girls have been my rock through this entire ordeal and I know they want me to come home, they aren’t pushing me to move before I’m ready.

As Gia tried to explain why Erion couldn’t have the big chunk of melon, I made the decision right then that I was ready to leave. I loved Gia and Ash, but I should be sharing this moment with their father.

“Um,” I started, gaining both of their attention. “I’m ready to go home. I’ve been hiding long enough, I think.” I picked at my fingers as I felt the heat of shame creep up behind my ears.

“Okay,” they both said in unison. There was no more discussion about it, they just accepted it like they accepted me wanting to leave and supported me.

A few hours later we were all packed up and headed back to Silverwood and when we arrived time felt like it was standing still. There was no motion, no sounds, it was just stillness. I looked behind me and everyone looked like they were in a freeze-frame.

“Hello, Heret,” a familiar voice called out to me. I looked around but there wasn’t anyone around. I stood protectively in front of my family when another voice called out to me.

“We aren’t here to hurt you, sister. We are here to help.”

“Thmei?” I questioned skeptically. If Derion and I reincarnated, why wouldn’t she? “Is that you, Thmei?”

“Yes,” she answered simply. “We’re all here. We’re all here to help.” After a brief moment of silence, ten people stepped out from literally nowhere. They all looked exactly the same as they did the last time I saw them a thousand lifetimes ago.

“How did you find me?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“Baal looked through the skies and he saw you a long while ago. He’s been keeping tabs on you and we all knew you would eventually find Montu again, so…,” she trailed off with a shrug.

“Oh,” I said, quietly. “Is this your doing then, Iah? Can you let them go?” I asked, turning my attention from Thmei to Iah.

“Hmm… I suppose I can, but why should I?” she asked, snarky as ever. I never understood her problem with me, but I couldn’t care less, honestly.

“We need to talk about your rabid dog, first. We wouldn’t want his little pack thinking he’s gone off his rocker, now would we?” Anuke asked. I glared at her and she barely spared me a glance.

“Don’t talk about him that way!” I growled.

“If you care for him so much, why’d you leave him?” she asked with a knowing smirk. “Has he finally shown his true colors as the demon spawn that he is? Our father should have killed him when he was born. I knew he was nothing but trouble.”

“Anuke, you might be a War Goddess, but I can end you permanently. I’ve warned you once,” I threatened as she rolled her eyes at me and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Whatever. I don’t even know why they dragged me here. Montu and I haven’t spoken in nearly ten thousand years. I’m sure he doesn’t want to talk to me now.”

“It’s not about what he wants, it’s about what he needs. Montu has proven his worth time and time again and he is one of us, Anuke. We have to help him before Shai’s vision comes true,” Thmei responded.

“What vision?” I asked, turning my attention to Shai. He looked at me with a solemn expression and I knew whatever it is, it isn’t good.

“If Montu continues down this path, you will have to kill him and hand him over to Osiris. If that happens, he won’t be able to return again.” I could feel the tears pool in my eyes at the thought of losing Derion with such finality. I couldn’t… I wouldn’t. I refuse to exist in a world where he doesn’t.

I felt a hand rub my back and the worry and fear that I felt were slowly washed away.

“We won’t let that happen,” the Goddess of Love herself chirped. I looked over at Ken and she gave me a small but encouraging smile. The others, including Anuke, nodded in agreement and that set my heart at ease.

“You should know, though, that he released Ba Pef and he’s using him as a weapon,” Thmei said as my anxiety and fear spiked again.

“Wait, what?”

****Hey, all! Sorry for the lag in updates, I’ve been worn out from work, so writing has been slow unless I’m up in the wee hours of the night and getting right back up first thing in the morning. I just want to let you all know how much I appreciate you and I love reading your comments and interacting with y’all on every platform. Y’all really keep me going and I do not take your readership for granted. If you follow me on face.book, you can stay up to date with new developments and be the first to know when I update and get sneak peaks of other books in the works! I’m also on Insta..gram but I don’t update on there as often, but if you message me, I will respond as soon as I can! I love you all so much and I can’t wait to see you in the comment section!

P.S. I kinda want to do a Q&A or whatever but if y’all don’t care for it, let me know!****