The Devil's Carnival

Heartbreak

Amanda had managed to out run Brian but by the time she finally stopped she found herself lost. There were tents and stalls all around her but none of it looked familiar. Not that she cared. She hadn’t stopped crying for even a moment and all she wanted now was to go home. She wanted to go back to her family and back to her old life but she knew she would not be welcome. Everything she had given up, everything she had sacrificed for him, for their future and this is what he did. The images were branded into his mind. The faces of those women branded into her brain, 20 of them and those were only the ones she could remember. Or rather she couldn’t forget. She still had the bear clutched as tight to her chest as she could and as she wondered she sobbed into its shoulder. She was a distraught wreck with no idea what to do next. The thought did bother her but deep down inside she wanted to die. She knew there would be no other way. She had nowhere to go and deep down in her heart she knew she would never love anyone else. There was no further hope for her. When she finally stopped and looked up she saw the feris wheel slowly turning. It was high, high enough not to survive the jump. The only thing that hurt more than her lover’s betrayal was the knowing that this was her only option. The longer she stared up at the mammoth steel structure, which you could see was slowly rusting all the way from where she stood, the more a sense of calm came over her and for the first time she loosened her grip on the bear she had been almost religious about. Amanda stared as the large wheel turned and turned and she watched and thought. She was sure she could manage to get into one of the seats as it slowly moved. It really was quite big enough, she wouldn’t have to go too far. Or rather too high. As she walked, as if in a trace, she still had the right mind to calculate exactly how this was to be done. As she walked up to wheel she walked through the unlocked gate and onto the platform. For a moment she stood watching as it turned and carefully decided when and how she would make her move. She carefully slipped into one of the seats and found herself just a little surprise that it had been so easy. What else surprised her was just how nice the view was. You could see the whole carnival and it was huge. There were dozens of tents and stalls she hadn’t even notice before and a part of her actually wanted to go out and see them all. Soon enough her mind was back on her plan and what needed to be done. The one question she still struggled with was what to do with the stuffed bear. Somehow she didn’t think it right that he should have to fall form such a terrible height just because she intended to. Finally she decided that he, she had decided it was a boy, would stay in the seat and enjoy the view over the carnival, but until such time she would hold him for a while longer. She did wonder what would become of her after what she had done was concluded. How long would she lay there for? Would anyone ever find her and bury her or would she just lay there? It probably didn’t matter. Her family made it clear she wouldn’t ever be welcome in their house again, one way or the next. With that in mind she came to a decision. The next time the wheel reached the top she would slip from her seat and this whole mess would all be over with. As the feris wheel reached to bottom and again slowly raised up into the air Amanda could feel just a slight tightness in her chest as she sat the bear down next to her, still holding on to its one hand. It felt like an eternity before her seat was again at the top and she took in the view one last time. As she shifted closer to the edge she felt a fresh wave of tears come over her but did what she could to keep her mind on track. She squeezed the bear’s hand one last time as she slipped out of her seat and fell into the night. She had thought she would hesitate or at the very least it would take a few tries before she took the fall, perhaps once she jumped she would regret it. She didn’t. It felt like the strangest of comforts when the chilly air consumed her and slowly everything melted away. All the worries and all the pain just drifted away and was replaced by blissful piece. She didn’t know how far from the ground she was and didn’t want to know or see, she guessed that she would know when it happened. Thing was it didn’t. Suddenly and to her greatest surprise she heard the flapping of large wings before there was warmth and she was caught mid air. It took her a while before she came to her senses and she could finally open her eyes. First she saw those massive white wings which seemed to radiate an almost golden glow and then she saw those eyes, the most beautiful shade of blue that could not possibly be of this world. The surprise set in when she put everything together that she came to a rather striking conclusion. There simply wasn’t any other answer. Sure it wasn’t exactly logical but there wasn’t any other way she could possibly put it. “It really would be such a shame.” The voice was like silk and coupled with those eyes and those magnificent wings there could be no other explanation. She had been saved by an angel.