Finding out
324 Words
3 months in, I found out I was pregnant. I had previously been told I couldn't get pregnant by a doctor, I was on a contraception pill! I cried my heart out, how could I be pregnant? So many emotions went through my head, anger, upset, even happiness, I was so confused by what was going on, so angry I couldn't control it, so upset because I just wasn't ready at all to be a mother...
It took me a week to tell L, a whole week of dealing with these emotions alone, I didn't know how he'd react... He didn't talk for the whole day and I understood that. He needed time to process what I've just told him, he wasn't ready to be a dad either. Even tho we were intimate, we were so careful to avoid this... But clearly not careful enough. My head was bursting with emotions, decisions, confusion but I dealt with it in silent. It was the worst thing I could've done, instead of expressing how I felt I took it out on everyone around me. I lost friends, family but the only person who understood and stayed by my side was L. We grew more and more together, having our ups and downs as we go, but that's what happens in relationships...
Things got harder as I was throwing up all day, everyday. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't clean, I couldn't game, I couldn't go out, I just threw up all the time and it was exhausting! My emotions were everywhere, I was stressed, angry, upset, all the time and I didn't know why, I took out my moods on L yet again... I felt terrible, it wasn't fair on him to deal with that, but he did. As months went by we argued a lot, it's not an excuse but I couldn't regulate my emotions. It was getting closer to my due date...
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