There's a first time for... everything

Halloween day

It got to the day of Halloween, I'd still not given birth yet, I was so exhausted. I hadn't slept in over 3 days. L was exhausted, he stayed up with me the whole time. We watched movies and TV shows together, he helped me have a walk about, he facetimed my only friend with me, it was going great.

It got to 1.20am and I was 9cm dilated ready to push to get my baby girl into this world, I couldn't feel anything through the whole birth, it was magical! I had my daughter at 1.31am I was so amazed to just finally have her in my arms, L was so happy to finally see his little princess, he cried a little, had a cuddle, and then had to go home until visiting time. I was all alone, except my baby girl was there beside me, reminding me that I'd just given birth. I woke up every 3 hours to feed her, it was so difficult to breastfeed, she just wouldn't latch! I kept thinking it was something I was doing wrong, why couldn't I just breastfeed?

I was so upset, she just wouldn't take my milk, maybe it was something wrong with me? Why didn't she want my milk? Why couldn't she just latch on and take a little bit? I got some help from the hospital on latching and she finally did! It was the best thing in the world.

Visiting hours came along and I could finally get up and go the toilet, I didn't want to leave my baby whilst I sorted myself out because I though that was unfair! L took our girl and comforted her whilst I went for a wee and took a shower, it hurt going the toilet, I had stitches and it stung so much. I used lukewarm water as I had a wee and that soothed it so much more. After I had a shower, I got dressed and hopped back into bed to be with my perfect family.

It wasn't until home time that I realised I couldn't go back to my shared house. The landlord didn't allow babies to stay there! I was being kicked out... For having a family. I felt horrible, I called my dad, picked up some stuff from the shared house before we headed to his to stay for a bit. I tried to go back and get all my other things from the shared house but the landlord changed the locks!! I was so furious that they would do this to a new mum! But I just had to go back to my dad's and deal with it at a later date.

I was struggling so much to get my girl to latch, she'd sometimes latch good and other times wouldn't at all, it was painful breastfeeding, my n*****s were sore, cracked and bleeding, I just couldn't breastfeed no more! I felt like a complete failure as I made a bottle of formula, I couldn't even pump it hurt that much. But L reminded me that no matter what he was proud of me.