The Forgotten Princess

He is nothing. You are Everything

Duckie

The rustling rain and wind rattled the worn wooden shutters for most of the night. The storm’s soul continuously sends cries of despair, echoing mine; after what I imagine was hours of action, it finally admitted defeat.

I am chasing darkness again. My body is tossing and turning in an attempt to awaken me from my cold sweat. Still, my body feels heavier and heavier on the mattress, my nightgown sticking to the silk coversheet.

It’s the scent of coffee that awakes me, sweet cream and sugar, my favourite.

“I brought you your coff- DUCKIE!”

The sound of glass breaking and liquid spilling fills the room. My body stills at the sound of wasted sweetness spilling onto the floor.

“Duckie,” Marium’s warm breath heats my damp face. Her hand simultaneously brushed the hair away from my face, feeling my forehead for a fever. “Duckie, it’s time to get up, you dreary dutchess”.

Opening my listless eyes, the hazed outline of Marium fills my vision. Leaning over my face, cooing with her fingers in my strawberry highlights, “Luckily, no fever yet, but i must insist you have a warm bath nonetheless.”

With that, she makes her way onto the adjoining ensuite, “I should have checked on you as soon as I returned from town, but they needed my help in the kitchen this morning.”

Marium pauses her steps, looking back at me, examining my current state, “You are very fortunate that you have not caught a cold. It was a bad storm.”

Sighing in agreement, I force my damp body up against the headboard, eyeing the mixture of broken china and watch coffee scattered on the floor beside me.

A bath would be most satisfying. Almost as satisfying as that coffee would have been.

Once the bath was ready, Marium returned to my chambers to lead me into the ensuite. “Watch your step. We both know how clumsy you can be. The last thing either of us needs is a visit to the infirmary”.

“Have you seen the mess you made? I don’t think I’m the clumsy one.” i grumble under my breath.

“Hmm?”

“Oh, nothing. Thank you.”

The ensuite was impeccably bright this morning. If I wasn't staring at my feet, focusing on not tripping, id have tripped anyways due to temporary blindness.

The sunlight shawn through the large bay window that opened up to a garden filled with rows of yellow roses. Yellow was my mother’s favourite colour, and this room was hers once before she met and fell in love with my father.

As a child, I was afraid to bathe in a room with such large windows, but my grandmama always insisted that it was a private garden just for me. No one would ever see me bathing.

“Gracious Marium, it is bright in here! ” I remarked, shielding my eyes with my palm.

“Do you mind closing one of the curtains?”

“My apologies Duckie, of course.”

As she was pulling the thin curtain over the window, i stepped into the warm, bubbling tub. Scents of vanilla and lavender filled the air in a sweet alliance. “Did you add vanilla this time? It mixes so well with the lavender.”

“Nothing ever misses you,” Marium remarked. “I just put a dash in today since i found a little extra in the back pantry downstairs. It should help ease the mind of your awful nightmare.”

“How did you..”

Her face c***s to the side while simultaneously interrupting my sentence, “I have been by your side since we were little girls Daphne, I know when you have had a nightmare.”

I hum only in agreement, slipping my body deeper into the tub, bubbles covering over my bossom. Of course she knew i had a nightmare. How often had she seen me covered in my own cold sweat in the last 10, 15 years? How often had she run me a bath in this exact scenario?

Closing my eyes and, reaching my hand out of the tub, feeling Marium’s own hand grab onto it. “I love and appreciate your consistent presence in my life Mar”.

“Oh shush duckie, you know im stuck with you,” she retorts, pushing my hand away. “But even if I could choose, i would choose you again and again.”

I cracked my eye open and glanced at my dear friend sitting at the side of the tub, “Mar, could you come here?”

As she leaned in, I whopped my hand out of the tub and splashed her in the face.

“You…you’re gonna get it,” reaching into the tub and splashing me in the face.

Before i knew it, the two of us were splashing water around at each other. Giggling away like we were children, leaving a large puddle circling the tub.

“Okay, enough, enough, your highness! I am completely soaked to the bone.”

“So you admit defeat?”

“I admit.. Defeat,” whispering defeat very quietly.

“Pardon? What was that?” i press, a wide grin creeping my face.

“I admit defeat.” Marium says as she rolls her eyes, “now, please let me grab a towel and clean this mess you just created”.

Griping her knees to help herself up, Marium rises to her feet and carefully wanders to the linen cabinet in the corner, trying her best not to slip. “Will you be needed any extra linens as well?” she added.

She didn’t read my letter. Not that I expected her to, but it would certainly save myself from this uncomfortable conversation.

“Actually.. I used the last of them a few forenights ago.”

“Early this month?” she carefully inquires, opening up a long cream towel for me to slip into. “Shall I hurry downstairs after your dressing and find you some more? I believe I saw extra in the servant's quarters.”

“Actually,” i mutter, wrapping the soft towel around my body. “I was late this month.”

Cold silence filled the room like a third party.

“I will not be needing more.” Each word fills my mouth with shame as they sputter out.

“Oh duckie,” Marium’s voice soothes, wrapping her arms around me. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

These are the moments I miss you, mama.

“How could i?” I whimper into her shoulder, hot tears flowing down my flushed face. My entire body collapses in agony. The agony that i have tried so hard to keep buried inside of me. “How do you tell anyone that you cannot hold a child within your womb? How do you tell anyone that you fail at the one job you have in your position?”

Without a response, Marium rubs the back of my head soothing my wails. Once i have collected myself, with one hand on my back, the other still wrapped around me, marium leads me toward my mama’s childhood vanity. Pulling out the chair, Marium gestures for me to sit down.

I stare blankly into the mirror, searching her face through the reflection, searching for some type of response. Looking directly into my eyes, my confidante smiles and begins to brush the tangles out my strawberry locks. “Do you know that this vanity has belonged to the eldest dutchess since your great great great grandmama?”

“I know my own family history mar-”

“You have not failed.”

“What?”

“You. Have. Not. Failed.”

“But-”

“With all due respect, I am not finished speaking,” she scoffs, tugging hard on a knot with the brush.

“Owe-” i yelp grabbing the back of my head.

“As I was saying.. ” Marium interjects, kissing the top of my head. “You are not a failure, and certainly not a failure to your position. You are a dutchess by birth, You were born for this position. Stephan is nothing by birth. He is nothing but a nobles bastard child. A bastard child who became useful only in his father and your father’s little games.”

And i am only useful..

“Duckie.. He is nothing. You are everything.”

She is right. Stephan is nothing by birth. He is duke only through his marriage to me. It doesn’t ease that i have failed papa though.

“And, your papa..” Marium rolls her vibrant green eyes in response to the silence, ensentuating ‘papa’ in a mocking tone, “Your papa, was absolutely nothing by birth. He was not even a noble’s bastard! At least Stephan has one-up’d him on that. He was an orphan who your dear mama dumbfoundedly fell madly in love with at first sight. Because of her, he has anything and everything he could ever want.”

Twisting a ribbon at the bottom of the braid she formed down my back, Marium looks up at me again to quietly whisper, “he will never admit it now, though, would he? Love changed his life duckie. He doesn’t get to blame you for anything after rejecting you that same opportunity.” Her voice was so low that if I hadn't been watching her lips, i would have missed the words. Insulting the duke in his own palace, would have a servents head in an instant. We both know the law, and that there was nothing i could do to prevent such an execution.

“Thank you” I mouthed back to her, wiping the last remaining tear from my eyes.

“Now that that’s settled, lets get you dressed. What colour-”

Marium’s words are disrupted by a loud knock at my door.

Grumbling incoherent words to herself, she looks to me for my permission to respond.

“Come in” I shout at the door.

Archer, my papa’s aide, steps into my chambers, immediately diverting his eyes to the floor upon seeing my appearance. “My apologies Dutchess, i was unaware that you were in such a state.”

Pulling the towel tighter to my body, i exhale in frustration. Why all the formalities all the time, you’ve known me since i was a child. “Just get on with it Arthur.”

“The duke demands your presence.”