Alone

Chapter 15: Stars

Alicia POV

I have no idea what is happening between me and Shepherd or why I call him by his last name instead of Kyle. Lately, it's as though my entire life is changing. It is, but I guess what I'm wondering...is am I ready for all this change?

I've been flung across the universe, stared death in the face, and been thrown a curve ball in the form of a very beautiful but still annoying man.

My life used to be planned down to the minute of every day and now, I wake up not knowing what the day will bring. It's frightening, frustrating, but I will admit mostly exciting!

And this man...what is going on between us? One minute I could scratch his eyes out and scream in his face and the next minute I just want to grab him by the collar of his shirt and kiss him from here to the next adventure! What is happening with me? It's like my hormones are on overdrive, and this beautiful, annoying as all hell man is making my mind and body act and imagine all sorts of things I've never thought of before!

I've never been this way with any man before. Whenever I was with Tristan, I felt like I was only arm candy or an expensive decoration for him to show off and parade around.

Thinking of Tristan, I just remembered that the award dinner is in a few days. Tristan is supposed to make some grand gesture and announce his intentions for us, which is marriage of course and it seems as though everyone besides me is thrilled, including my parents.

Oh my God, my parents! I'm not just now thinking of them, I've thought about them frequently since my disappearance, but if they didn't realize already that I am gone, then they will surely realize when I'm missing from the dinner.

I always stay in contact with them, no matter how long I am away whether it be work or just casual travel. I love and admire my parents and we have always been close. If they have already noticed my absence, which I'm sure they have, they are probably freaking out! My mother must be beside herself and my poor father is probably trying his hardest to hold everything together, including my mom.

Ugh, I really hope that no one thinks it has anything to do with the proposed "engagement " with Tristan. Part of me is grateful this all happened because I was dreading the award dinner. I have never felt any romantic feelings for Tristan. Yes, he is very handsome and can be charming but there is something off about him that I cannot put my finger on. When I look into his eyes, I don't see or feel anything. It's almost as though he doesn't have a soul and is faking any emotion he shows. Like a robot, but a really creepy robot! I don't know, perhaps I am just being silly, especially considering my parents adore him and even everyone we know believes him to be a sweet and charming man. Maybe it's just me being me and over thinking it, like I do everything else.

When I look into Shepherds eyes though, I see more. I see wonder, hope, l**t, and so much more. Even when I am just near Shepherd I feel different. It's just refreshing and new and also so confusing!

Right now we're back in space, orbiting the second planet, both of us still decompressing from our run in with the velociraptor, mutant chicken creatures. I'm sitting in the front of the ship, pretending to go over the scans that we are gathering on the third planet, but I'm really staring at Shepherd. I can't help myself and also it's a thing I do.

Okay, so if I start to become attracted to someone, I stare at them while they're not looking and try to pick them apart. It sounds horrible, I know, but it usually works to help me squash any feelings I may have for them. It's not that I don't want to have feelings for someone but it has always made things easier for me. Like I've explained, I've basically been engaged to be engaged to Tristan Adams so I never saw the value in "shopping around " or whatever you want to call it.

This time though, my little staring method isn't having the desired effect. Captain Kyle Shepherd is too beautiful of a man to pick apart physically. Even the dumb, cute little things he does or faces he makes has me weak in the knees. Why!? I sound like a love struck, stupid school girl!

He is just sitting in the back fiddling around with some gadget he acquired back at the cave and making a very serious but sexy face. Every so often he bites his bottom lip and more of me melts and wishes I could bite his lip! He is concentrating so intensely that there are little wrinkles forming on his forehead and he hasn't shaved since yesterday so there is the perfect amount of rugged stubble on his face as well. I imagine myself slowly walking over to him and pushing aside his gadget thing and sitting on his lap. Then I would proceed to run my hand through his dark hair and down the side of his face, imagining the way his stubble would tickle my hand.

After that I would continue to move my hand down his neck, onto his hard chest and then slowly proceed down to his rippling 8 pack abs. I can feel my face getting red and hot and the wetness between my legs growing. The feeling is almost unbearable and I'm craving any kind of friction to ease my growing need. I rub my thighs together and scoot around uncomfortably on my chair.

"Are you ok? You look flushed and like you might have a fever." Shepherd gets up from his seat and sets down his work then begins making his way toward me. He lifts up his hand and places it on my forehead to check for a fever.

"I am fine, just a little warm in here," I blurt out and try to back away but trip over my own foot and fall back into my seat. Wow, could I be more ridiculous!?

Shepherd just stares at me, not believing my comment and then the left corner of his mouth curves up into a knowing smirk. "You know, if you need my help or expertise with anything, anything at all...just know that I am right here." He backs away slowly, still with that cocky smile on his face. It's like he can tell that I'm turned on by him and he is loving it.

"I am perfectly fine, thanks. And by the way, if I ever did have a "problem" I'm sure I can take care of it on my own and will do a much better job than you could...but again, thanks...oh and excuse me." I stand up and make sure to push up my chest so my goods are on full, perky display then I slip past him on my way to the back of the ship. I make sure to press my a*s up against him while I slide past him and he immediately stiffens up, in posture and downstairs.

I walk over to the fabricator and sway my hips as I go. Before I decide what I want, I quickly glance back at Shepherd to see him stunned and blushing while also adjusting himself. Good, now he can truly understand how I've been feeling!

Everything is so confusing lately, well ever since my stupid warp drive malfunction, and my head is constantly spinning. I have no idea what is happening or what is going to happen and it is scary and exciting at the same time! I am grateful that I'm not alone on this journey but I am also wary. I don't know what to expect from Shepherd and although I'm terrified, I'm also eager to learn more about him and possibly explore whatever is happening between us.

I'm in a new galaxy, possibly, so I'm going to try and be more open to new things and all the changes that are definitely going to be thrown our way. This could be great or it could be an outrageous disaster, but hey, I am going to try!

Right now, I am going to drink a coffee and go back to the front of the ship and pretend to look at the scans of the planets. Obviously, I'm going to go back to staring at the beautiful man that I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere with and maybe the stars....