Lucid

Chapter 5

That night as I cooked spaghetti for everyone Gracie watched tv with her Daddy. Her face was a tiny

carbon copy of him. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. There my world sat. Giggling, smiling, talking. I look down and my hand is in the boiling pot if noodles. I jump and pull out my hand red, steaming, but I can"t feel it. It’s like mind isn’t connected to my arm. I don’t want to go back. I tip over the pot into he floor and Jim turns around at the bang. “Oh s**t honey are you ok.” He sits Gracie down on the floor and they come to check me over. We spend the rest of the night in the emergency room, treating my hand for burns. Jim fusses over it like always. He worries so much about me.

The next day everything seems to flicker as I go about my routine. Not the lights, my eye sight. Like a 

broken tv screen. Randomly jarring flickers, and in the darkness of these flickers are faces. Faces ofpeople in pain, people being tormented. I take more of my medicine but as usual, it doesn’t make it stop. Some things have their ways of getting though I guess. I walk around in a medicated state ofemotional blankness, with the world randomly flickering, and pretend everything is fine because I don’t want to go back.

That evening I lay in the bottom of the shower crying out all of the days problems, before I have to

pretend everything is ok again. Sobbing my whole body convulses. Why can’t I just be normal!? I just want my family like everyone else! And noone can help me. This is what I am. I will never have them. Gracie and Jim’s smiling faces cross my mind. How happy they would be without me. Constantly wrecking their lives with my constant melt downs! Why can’t I just be like them?

Over the next few days I begin to lose chunks of time. Nightmares every time I close my eyes, and i can't shake this feeling like someone or something is coming.