Lucid

Chapter 3

Gracie's sixth birthday she was the princess of the ball. Party, clowns, 100 kids, petting zoo, we celebrated. Jim manned the barbeque station while I tended to Gracie. Jim doesn’t like me to stress to much. Gracie’s hair smelled like strawberry shampoo. It kept blowing in my face, leaving strawberry scented traces as we sat in the grass. We watched the clowns juggle, and Gracie was fidgiting with her dress. We had matching dresses. It was a birthday dress I picked out online with balloons and streamers on it. I had a “G” embroidered on it just for her. The topper though, for me, was our matching red sparkle slippers. The looked like Dorothy’s from the Wizard of Oz. To me this is funny because Gracie is my home. Any time I am away from her I wish I had ruby slippers. She’s like my air and the moment she's not there the world just gets darker and darker.

As if right on cue someone yells, "Grace Face!" "Mom Mom!” Gracie screams and runs jumping into Jim's mother's arms. She has insisted Gracie call her “Mom Mom” because she feels to young to be a grandmother. High heels and floppy sunhat in tow Loretta giggles with Gracie showing her off to everyone around them. My Gracie looks like a living doll of coarse. Her dimples and giggles couldlight up any room. I would get up to greet her but she hates me anyway. Always trying to get Jim to put me in an asylum. Whether it’s patronization or worries about a loon like me caring for Gracie that Loretta has in store for me today I will skip it.

Instead I walk to the driveway away from the party and smoke a cigarette. I watch as all the children run

around laughing, having their own individual happy experiences. I love children. A little ice cream or cake and their entire world is fine again.

The hair stands up on the back of my neck. I get this slime feeling like, you would feel if you were wading in

a pond at a landfill. My stomach turns and I slowly look up at the people around me, afraid. Gracie is a sunbeam as usual. Everyone else looks fine. A shadows comes from behind me encircling my face. They swirl around me like being inside a tornado. Everything starts to feel bleak. A sulfuric dumpster smells lingers with the shadows. So strong that I vomit all over myself and my shoes, oh no my shoes. The shadow slithers slowly into my face. I can’t breathe my eyes water and burn, my nose pours and burns.

“Fight it breathe,” a voice whispers in my head but it's too late, everything fades to black... again. As I fall I can hear Gracie and Jim yelling for me. Someone shaking me trying to bring me back.