Never Again

Chapter 5

Ever since that meteor shower, Mat kept on showing up in our house. Mama has a fond of Mat, para na ngang anak na niya mismo si Mat dahil ultimo snacks pinapakain siya. It wasn't a big deal, really. I was astonished how fast he got my mama and sister's trust. He's flexible too, he adapt my sister's weirdness in playing fortnite and animal crossing.

Days turned into weeks. I totally forgot about those stares he gave me that night. I don't want to assume or anything, ang gulo niya. Nevertheless, we became uh, friends— I guess? He butts in whenever I eat my lunch with my friends, he even waits until I finish my practice. I guess that's friendship. I never had a boy friend before.

"Sasageyo! Sasageyo!"

Napaungol ako nang malakas dahil sa inis. They're doing it again! They have been so crazy about this certain overrated anime that they keep on citing the darn opening song.

"Shut up, morons! tulungan niyo ako rito!" Sigaw ko. Hindi ako nainform na ang dami pala nitong pinapabili ni mama. I think I lost a pound by just holding those bag of groceries.

"Ako na," Mat called out, ibinaba niya muna ang joystick na hawak bago lumapit sa akin. I silently gave it to him. Isa sa mga hindi nagbago ay ang pagiging mahiyain ko pagdating sa kaniya. "Nakaya mo 'tong binitbit?" He was shocked after weighing the bags.

"Sa tingin mo?" I gave him a frown.

"Uuuy, nag-aaway ang magjowa!" Mama butted in, giving us her knowing goofy smile. Oh come on. Sinamaan ko rin siya nang tingin at padabog na umakyat na sa aking kwarto.

Kinabukasan, iniwasan kong makasagupa si Mat. I even ditched the morning training because of that, alam kong naghihintay siya sa pool. Nagpa-late ako ng ilang minuto bago pumasok na sa klase. I am getting paranoid!

"Ikaw ha," Pabiro akong sinuntok ni Carla. "Hindi mo sinabing magjowa na pala kayo ni Mat!"

"Oo nga!" Jelai interjected, never minding her mouth full of siomai.

Napataas ako ng kilay. "Paano niyo nasabi?" The annoying part was that the people might have suspected us. Sino ba ang hindi? Mat kept on fetching me. Todo tanggi naman ako na it was just platonic. Of course they would sense something is suspicious.

"Girl," Carla hardened her voice, Jelai giggled beside me. "Obvious na obvious talaga,"

"Tulad ngayon, he's looking at you." Inginuso ni Carla ang tao na nasa kalayuan. It was Mat and I caught him averted his eyes from me. Kasama niya ang mga co-journalists niya.

"May mata siya, Carla. Malamang." Tinulak ko si Carla ng bahagya.

"You're hopeless," Jelai commented while sighing, she shook her head in disbelief. "His stares are very obvious, the way he look at you—"

"Parang in love!" Carla chimed in.

I laughed monotonously, they're out of their minds. Wala naman akong ipinakitang motibo kay Mat, so it's impossible. They can't just conclude. Baka nga yung pagtingin niya kanina sa akin ay aksidente lang.

"Alis na muna tayo rito," I disregarded the idea arousing inside my mind. I tugged Carla's uniform, but their attention was on someone behind me. I felt the presence behind my back, by the scent of his perfume, I know it's Mat.

"Hey, Sy," He greeted using his signature lively voice. Nakakainis, he looks too soft.

Hinarap ko siya, nakataas ang dalawa kong kilay at naghihintay sa kaniyang susunod na sasabihin. He was about to say something but he looked so bothered by my friends' presence. Scratching his brows, he took a deep breath.

"Iniiwasan mo ba ako?" It was almost a whisper.

"No?" Yes.

"Wala ka kasi kanina sa practice—"

Hindi niya natapos ang kaniyang sasabihin dahil biglang tumunog ang bell. Jelai and Carla gave me a knowing look.

"Gotta go, see you around!" Kumaway ako at nagmamadaling umalis. He was dumbfounded.

Okay, I admit that it was hard to avoid Mattias. He was persistent and he kept on popping anywhere, katulad kanina, nagkasalubong kami sa corridor, tapos sa cafeteria, at sa gazebo, knowing na ang laki ng campus. I just felt like avoiding him, sticking my soul next to his was just like a moth who's addicted to the flames. There's something inside of me that I couldn't fully understand, and I'm not interested to decipher it.

The only place I knew where I can totally vanish out of Mat's sight was the library. But I guess I was wrong. The petrified look on my face when Mattias spotted me gliding inside the library was too visible that he cackled up. Sinigawan pa siya ng librarian dahil sa kaniyang pagtawa.

Wala na akong ibang magagawa kung 'di ang umupo sa table na kung saan siya. He was alone and there are a lot of scratch papers scattered on the table. What kind of madness is this?

Nakangiwi ko itong isinantabi at inilabas ko ang laptop galing sa bag. Sumulyap ako sa kaniya, nakafocus lang siya sa kung ano man ang kaniyang ginagawa sa papel. He wasn't looking at me.

I set up my laptop and chilled a little bit while roaming my eyes around. Yung iba ay nakiki-aircon at nakiki-free wifi lang. Yung iba naman ay busy sa kani-kanilang mga libro.

"Sabi ng mama mo bagay raw tayo..." He broke the silence. His attention was still oh his paper.

"So?"

"I should court you."

Napatigil ako sa kakatype sa aking keyboard at pinanliliitan siya ng mata. "Just because my Mom said so? Never mind."

"No, I really do want to court you."

He look straight at me. Did he mean it?

"For real?" I mean, two months pa lang kaming magkakilala. He said so himself that he has a crush on me, pero ibang crush naman ang ibig niyang sabihin. "Ha-Ha, no thanks."

I maintained my WTF look.

Humalukipkip siya at ngumuso. "We've been friends for months, and I like you... as a woman. There's no harm in trying. Isa pa, I have the rights to court a girl."

How can he deliver those words with a lot of confidence?

"As if I am expecting you to say yes, anyway..." He uttered.

"Y-You're right, as if magyeyes ako," I concluded, my voice wavered. Bakit biglang uminit dito sa library? "You can try, but don't expect too much—"

"Hindi nga?" Nanlalaki ang kaniyang mga mata, halatang gulat na gulat siya. He wasn't expecting me to say that.

"Bahala ka..." I mumbled, bumalik na ako sa pagtatype sa aking laptop. Nagnakaw ako ng tingin sa kaniya, he was silently rejoicing as if he just won a lottery. He kept on punching the air.

Palihim akong napangiti.

"Are you sure you won't come with us?" Mama asked warily, she was busy looking for the right earing to match her outfit. She's stunning. Malamang, she's still young. Mama had me when she's just 18 years old, kaya ang bata pa niya ngayon.

"Nah, magnenetflix nalang ako rito." I'd rather stay here.

"Paano mo mac-close ang mga pinsan mo kung ganiyan ka?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "They are not my cousins, Ma. Besides, hindi naman nila ako hinahanap..." I sounded so bitter.

Her shoulders dropped, tiningnan niya ako mula sa salamin. There's that look again. I hate it. She feels so sorry for me, and she doesn't want to talk about it.

"Sy—"

"It's really fine. I totally understand." I reassured her.

Tonight is one of Chile's cousins birthday, it's just like any other occassion— Nasa bahay ako habang nandoon sila sa venue. As much as I wanted to blend in to their group, I just couldn't. The stares are like daggers pierced through my soul. It's really obvious I am not one of them, I got most of my biological father's genes. Nagmumukha akong foreigner. Well, I am a half Aussie after all.

Mas lalo kong isinuksok ang aking kamay sa jacket, ang ginaw. I love how calm the streets in our city. Kahit alas dyez na ng gabi ay may mga tao pa ring naglalakad sa daan, mostly working students. Some are with their friends.

After they strode off from our house, lumabas ako at pumunta sa malapit na convenience store to buy some ramens and root beer. One of the perks of being left alone.

Bumuntong-hininga ako at umupo saglit sa stone bench. The air is not that cold— hindi rin masyadong mainit. Sakto lang.

"Oof, what are you doing here?" Someone spoke.

I lifted my gaze and saw Mat's concerned look. "Para kang namatayan."

I rolled my eyes and rattled the bag of plastic on my lap. "Buying some snacks, ikaw?" Tumingin-tingin ako sa kaniyang kamay kung may hawak siyang kung anong pagkain kagaya ko, pero wala. It was just a bike and a couple of papers he's holding.

"May hinatid lang ako," He scratched his nape. "Ihahatid nalang kita?"

I scoffed. "Hindi naman ganoon kalayo ang subdivision, kaya kong mag-isa." Though, silently I wished I can ride with him.

"Sana all independent," natatawa niyang kumento at sumakay na sa kaniyang bike. See? he'll just leave me here, akala ko ba nanliligaw 'to?

"Angkas na!"

My brows knitted. "Seryoso?"

"Oo nga!"

Napabuga ako ng hangin at sumunod nalang. May maliit na nauupuan naman sa kaniyang bike, I can perfectly fit on it. At isa pa, I am just as light as a feather, I won't be a bothersome.

"Okay ka na riyan?" He checked. Tumango ako na parang nakikita niya ako.

"Yeah, sige na."

He started driving the bike, the cold wind softly slaps my cheeks. I leaned my head on his back and wrapped my arms around his waist. Naramdaman ko ang kaniyang pagkagulat sa aking ginawa.

The wind, my arms wrapped around his waist, and the serene silence was so comforting. It was making me drowsy. I feel safe.