A Love Left Behind

Chapter 13 - 10,000 Kilometers

The first message came before we had even landed in Germany.

Rose: Are you alive?

I stared at my phone while we were somewhere between the gate and baggage claim, all of us exhausted after the flight. Chloe was walking ahead with Dad while Rea tried to find something in her bag.

Me: Barely.

Three dots appeared almost immediately.

Rose: Dramatic.

Me: I learned from you.

Rose: Impossible. I'm delightful. I smiled. “Who are you texting?” I locked my phone. Chloe was standing beside me. “No one.” She looked at my hand. “Right.” “What?” “Nothing.” She started walking again. I hated when she did that. “What does that mean?” “It means nothing.” “You're annoying.” She turned around while continuing to walk backwards. “Maybe you learned that from Rose too.” I stared at her.

Chloe smiled and turned away. Apparently, I wasn't as subtle as I thought.

For the first few days after we returned, everything felt strangely ordinary. School started again. Mum wanted to hear every detail of the trip, although Chloe did most of the talking.

Dad went back to work.

Rea went back to work.

Chloe had her own life, and I had mine.

The Philippines became photographs. Beaches. Food. Sunsets. Videos of Kaelob doing stupid things. Pictures of Chloe that she'd made me take twenty times until she liked one. And Rose. Rose appeared in more photographs than I remembered taking. Sometimes in the background, sometimes beside Chloe, sometimes making a face at the camera, sometimes looking directly at me.

I didn't think that meant anything. We simply had photographs together. That was normal. What wasn't quite as normal was that we kept talking.

At first it was every few days.

A photograph. A joke. Something Kaelob had done. Something stupid that had happened at school.

Then every few days became every day.

The time difference was annoying. When I was getting ready for school, Rose had already lived half her day. When I was lying in bed, she sometimes had to get up soon.

We learned to work around it.

Rose: I hate you.

Me: Good morning to you too.

Rose: It's not morning.

Me: It is here.

Rose: Nobody cares about Germany.

Me: You text someone in Germany every day. There was a pause.

Then: Rose: Unfortunately. I smiled into my pillow.

I never told anyone how often we spoke. Not because it was a secret. There was simply nothing to tell. Rose was my friend. She lived in the Philippines. I lived in Germany. That was it. At least, that was what I told myself.

Mum noticed anyway. Mum noticed everything. We were having breakfast one Saturday when my phone vibrated beside my plate. I looked at it. Rose had sent me a photograph of Kaelob asleep on the sofa with his mouth open. I laughed. Mum looked over her coffee. “What's funny?” “Nothing.” “Something must be funny.” “Kaelob.” “Who?” “Alice's son.” Mum nodded. “And you're still talking to them?” “Sometimes.” My phone vibrated again. Mum looked at it, then at me. “Sometimes?” I picked up my toast. “Yes.” She smiled. I knew that smile. “What?” “Nothing.” “Why does everyone say nothing when they clearly mean something?” “Maybe because you become defensive when people mean something.” “I'm not defensive.” Mum took another sip of coffee. I waited. She said nothing else, which was somehow worse.

Chloe noticed too, but with her it felt different. She didn't openly tease me much after that first day. She followed Rose online, and sometimes Rose sent her something as well.

On the surface, it looked as though Chloe had accepted the connection.

But I knew her too well to believe it was that simple.

Rose herself wasn't really the problem. Chloe had liked her during the trip. Maybe that was exactly what made everything more complicated.

A few months passed.

Then Dad mentioned going back. It happened casually over dinner at his and Rea's apartment. “We've been talking to Alice.”

I looked up immediately. Rea noticed.

“When?”

Dad smiled.

“I haven't even said anything yet.”

“You said going back.”

“I said we've been talking to Alice.”

“About going back.” Chloe looked at me. I ignored her. Dad leaned back in his chair.

“Maybe next year.”

“Next year when?”

“We don't know.”

“Summer?”

“Possibly.”

“How long?”

Dad started laughing.

“What?”

“You suddenly have a lot of questions.”

“I like the Philippines.”

Chloe lowered her fork. “Of course you do.”

I looked at her. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

“There it is again.”

Rea smiled, but Chloe didn't.

For a moment, the room felt tighter.

Then Chloe asked, “Would Alice and the others travel with us again?”

Rea nodded. “Probably.”

I tried not to react. I failed. Chloe saw it. She always did.

Later that evening, while Dad and Rea were in the kitchen, Chloe sat beside me on the sofa. “You like her.”

I didn't look up from my phone. “Who?”

She gave me a look. “Don't be stupid.”

“Rose is my friend.”

“I know.” There was something in her voice that made me look at her.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Chloe.”

She stared toward the kitchen. Rea was laughing at something Dad had said. Then she looked back at my phone.

“You talk to her a lot.”

“So?”

“I didn't say anything.”

“You're making it sound like something.”

Chloe was quiet for a moment.

“I just didn't think one trip would suddenly become… all this.”

“All what?” She shrugged.

“Nothing.”

There it was again. But this time I knew it wasn't nothing.

“You don't like Rose?”

“I didn't say that.”

“Then what's your problem?” Her eyes immediately hardened.

“I don't have a problem.”

“Okay.”

“She's nice.” I waited.

Chloe looked toward the kitchen again.

“She's actually really nice.” That seemed to make whatever she was feeling worse rather than better. Then she stood.

“Forget it.” I watched her walk away. I didn't understand what had just happened.

Back then, I thought Chloe was annoyed because I'd spent so much time talking to Rose.

Years later, I understood that Rose had never really been the problem.

The Philippines didn't disappear from our lives when we came home.

Neither did Alice.

Neither did Kaelob.

Neither did Rose.

And, almost without anyone saying it out loud, Rea's world had started to become part of mine too.

Maybe that was what Chloe couldn't quite accept.

For years, Rea had been Dad's choice. Something separate from us. Something Chloe could keep at a distance if she tried hard enough.

Now there was Rose. Someone from Rea's world whom I had chosen for myself, even if I didn't think of it that way yet.

That night, I told Rose about the possibility of going back.

Me: We might come back next year.

For once, she didn't answer immediately.

I waited. A minute. Two. Five.

I put my phone down, then picked it up again. Nothing.

Then it vibrated.

Rose: Might?

Me: That's what they said.

Another pause.

Rose: Tell them they have to.

Me: Why?

I don't know why I sent that. Maybe I wanted to see what she'd say.

The three dots appeared, disappeared, then appeared again.

Rose: Because Kaelob needs someone else to annoy.

I smiled.

Me: That's the reason?

This time the answer came immediately.

Rose: Obviously.

I stared at the screen for a while.

Then another message appeared.

Rose: And maybe I miss you a little.

I stopped smiling. Not because I wasn't happy, but because suddenly the words felt different.

I read them again.

And maybe I miss you a little.

My fingers hovered over the keyboard. I could have made a joke.

Normally, I would have.

Instead, I wrote:

Me: Maybe I miss you too.

Rose reacted with a heart.

That was all.

No confession. No dramatic conversation. No promises.

We were fifteen years old and almost ten thousand kilometers apart.

There was nothing we could do with whatever was beginning between us.

So we didn't name it.

We went to school. We lived our lives. We talked almost every day.

Chloe watched more than she said.

Rea never asked questions.

Dad seemed pleased that the families had stayed in touch.

Mum noticed everything and commented on almost nothing.

And somewhere along the way, without either Rose or me noticing exactly when it happened, the question stopped being whether I would ever see her again.

It became when.