Chapter 18 - The Leaving Part
1814 Words
The last two weeks disappeared faster than the first two.
Maybe because we started counting.
Ten days.
Seven.
Five.
Rose pretended she wasn't doing it anymore.
She was.
So was I.
We traveled less during those final days and spent more time with Alice and Rea's family. Nobody said it out loud, but I think the adults understood that constantly moving from one island to another suddenly wasn't what we wanted.
Rose and I wanted ordinary days.
Breakfast together.
Sitting beside each other in the car.
Walking somewhere without knowing where we were going.
Finding excuses to disappear for half an hour.
Things that seemed completely meaningless until you knew they were about to end.
We still kissed whenever we could.
Sometimes quickly because someone was nearby. Sometimes long enough that Rose would eventually pull away and whisper, “We should go back.”
Neither of us wanted to.
But we kept a line between wanting to be close and being ready for more. We were still figuring out what it meant to belong to each other at all.
For now, kissing her felt like enough.
Almost.
Three days before we were supposed to leave, Alice organized dinner at her house.
Everyone came.
There was too much food, too many people and at least four conversations happening at the same time. Rea moved between them as if she'd never left. Dad tried to follow conversations he only partly understood. Kaelob kept stealing food from my plate.
And Chloe sat beside Rose.
That was new.
Not dramatically new. Nobody stopped talking to stare at them.
But I noticed.
Rose showed Chloe something on her phone. Chloe laughed.
For a few seconds, I watched them.
Then Chloe caught me.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Stop staring.”
“I wasn't.”
Rose looked at me. “He does that.”
“Thank you.”
“You're welcome.”
Chloe rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.
Rea came over carrying another plate.
“Try this.”
Chloe's smile disappeared almost immediately.
“I already ate.”
“Just a little.”
“I said I'm fine.”
Rea stopped.
It was tiny.
A sentence nobody else at the table would have thought twice about.
But I saw Rose look between them.
Rea nodded. “Okay.”
She put the plate somewhere else and walked away.
Chloe stared down at her phone.
Rose didn't say anything.
Neither did I.
Some things didn't disappear just because we'd had a few good weeks.
Later, I found Chloe alone in the kitchen.
“You didn't have to do that.”
She didn't look at me. “Do what?”
“You know.”
“I said I wasn't hungry.”
“She was offering you food.”
“I know.”
“Then why—”
“Damian.”
I stopped.
She looked tired.
“Please.”
I wanted to argue.
Instead, I nodded.
As I turned to leave, she said, “I'm trying.”
I looked back.
Chloe was staring at the counter.
“I know,” I said.
And I did.
That didn't mean she always succeeded.
The night before our flight, nobody wanted to go to bed.
Alice and Rea sat together talking. Dad had fallen asleep on the sofa despite insisting he wasn't tired. Kaelob was somewhere outside with friends. Chloe had disappeared into her room.
Rose and I sat on the floor near the open doors to the garden.
My suitcase was already packed.
I hated looking at it.
Rose did too.
“Maybe I'll hide your passport.”
“You'd get arrested.”
“For what?”
“Kidnapping.”
“You're sixteen. You can walk home.”
“To Germany?”
She shrugged. “Swim.”
I laughed.
Then neither of us did.
Rose rested her head against my shoulder.
“I hate this.”
“I know.”
“What time tomorrow?"
“You know what time.”
“I forgot.”
“No, you didn't.”
She was quiet.
“I wish I had.”
I took her hand.
For weeks we'd avoided talking seriously about what came afterward. We had already done distance once. We knew how to call each other, how to work around the time difference, how to remain part of each other's lives.
But this wasn't the same.
The first time I'd left, Rose had been my friend.
Now she was my girlfriend.
At least that's what we'd decided.
Somehow that made ten thousand kilometers feel much farther.
“What if it doesn't work?” she asked.
I looked at her.
“What?”
“Us.”
“Why wouldn't it?”
She gave me a look.
“Damian.”
I knew.
Germany.
The Philippines.
School.
Friends.
Different lives.
There were a hundred reasons.
“I don't know if it will,” I said.
Rose lifted her head.
“That was supposed to be the part where you tell me everything will be fine.”
“I could.”
“But?”
“I'd be lying.”
She looked away.
I immediately regretted it.
“Rose.”
“No, you're right.”
She tried to pull her hand away.
I held on.
“That's not what I meant.”
“What did you mean?”
I searched for the right words.
“I don't know what happens in six months. Or a year. Neither do you.”
“No.”
“But I know what I want now.”
She looked at me.
“You.”
Her expression softened.
“I want this. I want to talk to you tomorrow and the day after that. I want to come back. I want you to come to Germany someday.”
“I've never been to Germany.”
“I know.”
“You complain about it constantly.”
“I'll complain less if you're there.”
She smiled.
“That might be the most romantic thing you've ever said.”
“I'm trying.”
“Not very hard.”
I kissed her.
When I pulled away, Rose stayed close.
“Then we try?”
“We try.”
“No stupid promises?”
“No stupid promises.”
She held out her little finger.
I stared at it.
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“We're sixteen.”
“Then act sixteen.”
I laughed and hooked my finger around hers.
“We try.”
“We try,” she repeated.
The next morning arrived anyway.
Airports had always meant something exciting to me.
Mum had taught us that.
An airport meant somewhere new. Another country. Another city. Another part of the world she wanted Chloe and me to see.
That morning, for the first time, an airport meant leaving something behind.
Alice drove with us. Kaelob came too.
And Rose.
Nobody talked much.
Even Kaelob was quiet.
At the terminal, Rea cried before anyone had even said goodbye.
Alice hugged her.
“You said soon this time.”
“I know.”
“Don't make me wait another year.”
“I won't.”
Dad hugged Alice, then Kaelob.
Chloe hugged Alice too.
Then she turned to Rose.
There was a second of hesitation.
Rose opened her arms.
Chloe stepped into them.
The hug wasn't long.
But it was real.
When they separated, Rose smiled at her.
“Come back.”
Chloe glanced toward Rea.
Then back at Rose.
“We'll see.”
It wasn't yes.
But it wasn't no.
Then Rose looked at me.
Everyone suddenly seemed to understand that we needed a moment.
Even Kaelob.
He slapped my shoulder as he walked past.
“Remember what I said.”
“I remember.”
“Good.”
Rose waited until the others had moved a little farther away.
Then she looked at me.
“I had a speech.”
I smiled. “You did?”
“It was good.”
“What happened?”
“I forgot it.”
“Probably wasn't that good.”
She laughed.
Then her eyes filled with tears.
That destroyed me.
“Hey.”
“Don't.”
“What?”
“If you're nice, I'll cry.”
“You're already crying.”
“I hate you.”
I pulled her into my arms.
She held onto me.
Not like the first time.
There was nothing awkward about this hug.
I knew exactly how she fit against me now.
And knowing made leaving worse.
“I'll call you when we land.”
“That's a long time.”
“I know.”
“And then?”
“Tomorrow.”
“And then?”
“The day after.”
She pulled back enough to look at me.
“No stupid promises.”
“This isn't one.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I'm going to do it.”
Rose kissed me.
I didn't care who saw.
Not Dad.
Not Alice.
Not Chloe.
Nobody.
When we finally separated, she touched my face.
“Go.”
“I don't want to.”
“I know.”
“Come with me.”
She smiled through her tears.
“Put me in your suitcase.”
“You stole half my clothes. There's no space.”
She laughed.
That was better.
I kissed her forehead.
Then I walked away.
I made it almost to security before I looked back.
Rose was standing beside Alice.
Kaelob had his arm around her shoulders.
She raised her hand.
I raised mine.
Just like the year before.
Only nothing about it felt the same.
On the plane, Chloe sat beside me.
For the first hour, she didn't say anything.
Neither did I.
Then she nudged my arm.
“You okay?”
“No.”
She nodded.
A few minutes passed.
“I like her,” Chloe said.
I looked at her.
“Rose.”
“I know who you mean.”
She stared ahead.
“I still don't know how I feel about everything else.”
“That's okay.”
She looked at me.
“You don't have to defend her?”
“Who?”
“Rea.”
I thought about it.
“No.”
That seemed to surprise her.
“You're allowed to feel whatever you feel, Chloe.”
She looked toward the window.
“So are you.”
I smiled faintly.
“Thanks.”
She leaned her head against my shoulder.
Somewhere beneath us was an ocean.
Somewhere behind us was Rose.
And for the first time, going home didn't feel completely like going home.
Because part of me was still standing at an airport in the Philippines, watching a girl I loved disappear on the other side of the glass.
I didn't know then how many times I would replay that goodbye.
Or how desperately, years later, I would wish that leaving had remained the hardest thing Rose and I ever had to do.
- Writer
- chap_listContents
- likeADD