Chapter 25 - Before Everything Changed
1750 Words
For the first time since Damian and I had met, we stopped counting days.
Maybe that was our mistake.
We had spent years measuring our relationship in departures. Four weeks together. Eighteen months apart. Three weeks left. Ten days. One flight.
This time, we talked about what came after.
Not goodbye.
After.
Germany had become a real possibility.
I hadn't applied anywhere yet, and Mum didn't know how seriously I was considering it. But Damian had apparently decided that one conversation about universities gave him permission to plan my entire life.
“You could study in Frankfurt.”
“Could I?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you for deciding.”
“Or somewhere nearby.”
“How generous.”
“I've researched this.”
I stared at him.
“You researched universities for me?”
He suddenly looked less confident.
“Maybe.”
I smiled.
“That is disturbingly sweet.”
“Don't tell anyone.”
“I'm telling Kaelob.”
“I'll deny it.”
We were sitting on the floor of my room with my laptop between us. Mum had gone to my grandparents'. Kaelob was out.
It was the first time in days we'd been completely alone.
Damian clicked another university.
“This one.”
“Why?”
“Good program.”
“And?”
“Close.”
“To what?”
He looked at me.
I laughed.
“You.”
“Obviously.”
I closed the laptop.
Damian frowned. “We were researching.”
“No. You were relocating me.”
“Efficiently.”
I leaned closer.
“You really want me in Germany.”
His expression changed.
“Yes.”
The answer came without hesitation.
Something about that made all my jokes disappear.
For years, I'd wondered whether we were simply stretching something beautiful beyond its natural ending.
Maybe first love wasn't supposed to survive continents.
Maybe eventually one of us would get tired.
But Damian was looking at universities.
He was making space for me inside his real life.
I kissed him.
He kissed me back.
It wasn't our first kiss.
Not even close.
But something was different.
Maybe because we were alone.
Maybe because we'd spent years wanting more time.
Maybe because for the first time, I could imagine there being no flight at the end of us.
Damian pulled away slightly.
“You okay?”
“Yes.”
He searched my face.
“You sure?”
I smiled. “You ask too many questions.”
“You usually complain I don't ask enough.”
“Also true.”
I kissed him again.
We had been close before. We had spent hours kissing, touching, learning where comfort ended and uncertainty began. But we'd always stopped.
That afternoon, neither of us wanted to.
Still, when the moment became more serious, Damian stopped again.
“Rose.”
“I know.”
“We don't have to.”
“I know.”
There was no perfect sentence after that.
No dramatic declaration.
Just the strange realization that after years of distance, I trusted the person in front of me enough to be nervous with him.
It was the first time for both of us.
It wasn't perfect.
Neither were we.
But it was ours.
Later, I lay beside him with my head against his chest.
For several minutes, neither of us spoke.
Then Damian said, “Well.”
I lifted my head.
“Did you seriously just say well?”
“I didn't know what else to say.”
I started laughing.
He looked offended.
“You weren't exactly contributing.”
“I was waiting for something romantic.”
“That was your first mistake.”
I dropped my head back onto his chest.
His fingers moved slowly through my hair.
Everything felt different.
And somehow exactly the same.
“You okay?” he asked again.
“Yes.”
“Really?”
I looked at him.
“Are you?”
He thought about it.
“Yeah.”
Then he smiled.
“Terrified.”
“Of what?”
“Your brother.”
I laughed.
“Kaelob doesn't need to know.”
“He knows everything.”
“He does not.”
“Rose, the man knew we'd kissed before I said a word.”
“That's different.”
“How?”
“I don't know.”
Damian groaned.
“I'm dead.”
I kissed his shoulder.
“Probably.”
For a while, we stayed there.
I wished time would stop.
It didn't.
It never did.
“What do you want?” Damian asked eventually.
“Right now?"
“No. Later.”
I knew what he meant.
“My own life.”
He waited.
“I don't want to spend my entire life in the family company just because I'm a Tan.”
“Then don't.”
“You make everything sound easy.”
“It isn't easy. It's still your choice.”
Grandma had said almost the same thing.
“What about you?”
“I want to build something.”
“What?”
“I don't know yet.”
“Very detailed.”
He ignored me.
“Something big.”
“How big?”
“Big enough that nobody gets to tell me what I can or can't do.”
I looked at him.
There was something in the way he said it that made me pay attention.
“You want to be rich?”
He shrugged.
“Money helps.”
“That sounds romantic.”
“I'm serious.”
“So am I.”
He stared at the ceiling.
“I hate needing someone else's permission.”
“For what?”
“Anything.”
I thought about Maxime. Leo. Rea. Chloe.
Damian had grown up surrounded by adults making decisions that changed his life.
Maybe this wasn't about money at all.
“What if you become one of those horrible rich men who only talks about work?”
“Then leave me.”
I frowned.
“That's a terrible answer.”
He laughed and pulled me closer.
“I'll buy you an island."
“I don't want an island.”
“A house?”
“I don't want your house.”
“A car?”
“Damian.”
“Difficult woman.”
I smiled.
“I just want you.”
He became quiet.
Then he kissed my forehead.
“That's unfortunate.”
“Why?”
“Because you're stuck with me.”
I closed my eyes.
At eighteen, I believed him.
That evening, Mum returned earlier than expected.
Thankfully, not early enough.
Damian and I were downstairs when she came in.
She looked at us.
Then at me.
Then at Damian.
I suddenly found the floor fascinating.
Mum said nothing.
Which was worse.
Damian cleared his throat.
“Hi.”
“Hello, Damian.”
He looked terrified.
I almost laughed.
Mum walked into the kitchen.
A few seconds later, I followed.
She was putting groceries away.
“Mum.”
“Yes?”
Nothing.
No interrogation.
No lecture.
“Mum.”
She looked at me.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
She studied my face.
Then she touched my cheek.
"You know you can talk to me.”
“I know.”
That was it.
No judgment.
No drama.
Just Mum.
When I returned, Damian was standing exactly where I'd left him.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“I don't believe you.”
“She likes you.”
“That doesn't answer my question.”
I kissed him.
“You're fine.”
“I don't feel fine.”
My phone rang before he could continue.
Kaelob.
I showed Damian the screen.
His eyes widened.
“No.”
I laughed and answered.
The following days felt different between us.
Not dramatically.
We didn't suddenly become adults because we'd slept together.
We still argued.
Damian still stole food from my plate and then accused me of doing it.
I still beat him at games he claimed not to care about.
But there was a new closeness between us.
A certainty.
For the first time, I stopped wondering whether Damian was part of my future.
I wondered how we would get there.
And that was when Chloe started calling more often.
At first, Damian answered.
She asked ordinary questions.
When was he coming home?
What were we doing?
Was Dad with us?
Was Rea there?
That last question came more than once.
One evening, Damian put his phone down after speaking to her.
“She's being weird.”
I looked at him.
“How?”
“I don't know.”
“Maybe you should ask.”
“I did.”
“And?”
“Nothing.”
There was that word again.
“What about Maxime?”
“She says Chloe's fine.”
“And your dad?”
“Same.”
I didn't like it.
Neither did Damian.
But the next day Chloe sent him a normal message.
Then a joke.
Then nothing for almost two days.
Damian relaxed.
I did too.
On our last evening away from the city, we sat outside together.
His arm was around me.
“When you come to Germany,” he said, “I'll show you everything.”
“If.”
“When.”
“Confident.”
“Yes.”
“What if I choose somewhere else?”
“I'll convince you.”
“What if you can't?”
He looked at me.
“I can.”
I laughed.
There was the Damian I knew.
Stubborn enough to believe the world would eventually cooperate.
His phone vibrated.
He ignored it.
Again.
“Someone wants you.”
“They can wait.”
It vibrated a third time.
I reached for it.
“Check.”
Damian sighed and picked it up.
His expression changed.
“What?”
He didn't answer.
There were several missed calls.
Chloe.
Maxime.
Dad.
Then another call appeared.
Dad.
Damian answered.
“Dad?”
I watched the color disappear from his face.
He stood.
“What happened?”
Silence.
“Dad, what happened?”
I stood too.
Damian looked at me.
I'd never seen that expression before.
Not once.
“Is she alive?”
Everything inside me went cold.
I reached for him.
He didn't seem to notice.
“Is Chloe alive?”
A pause.
Then Damian closed his eyes.
His knees almost gave way.
I caught his arm.
He was already asking about flights before Leo had finished speaking.
And just like that, someday disappeared.
There was only home.
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