A Love Left Behind

Chapter 15 - Different This Time

I saw Rose before she saw me.

A year earlier, I'd walked out of the airport without expecting anything. Alice had been waiting for Rea, Kaelob had been staring at his phone, and Rose had been nothing more than a girl standing beside a car.

This time, I looked for her.

I hated that I did.

The moment we stepped through the doors, my eyes moved through the crowd before I'd even properly registered the heat.

Alice was easy to find. She was waving both arms at Rea as though there were hundreds of people between them instead of twenty.

Kaelob stood beside her.

And then there was Rose.

She was looking toward the doors.

Not at Dad.

Not at Rea.

At me.

For a second, neither of us moved.

She looked different.

That was stupid, because I'd seen her almost every day. Video calls, photographs, messages, everything she'd posted over the past year. I knew she'd cut her hair slightly shorter. I knew she'd complained about it for three weeks afterward. I knew exactly what she looked like.

But a screen wasn't the same.

Rose was real again.

She smiled.

And suddenly I forgot whatever clever thing I'd planned to say.

Alice reached Rea first. They hugged, laughed and immediately started talking over each other. Dad greeted Kaelob.

I barely noticed.

Rose walked toward me.

“So.”

“So.”

“Four weeks.”

“Looks like it.”

She stopped in front of me.

For an awkward second, we both seemed to realize we had no idea how to greet each other.

A handshake would have been ridiculous.

A hug suddenly felt like something else.

Rose solved it.

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me.

I hugged her back.

And that should have been normal.

We'd hugged when I'd left the year before.

But it wasn't normal.

She smelled different from what I'd imagined.

That was the first stupid thought that went through my head.

The second was that I didn't want to let go yet.

Rose apparently had the same problem because the hug lasted just a little too long.

When we finally stepped apart, neither of us looked directly at the other.

Kaelob saved us.

“Are you two finished?”

Rose turned around.

“Shut up.”

“I just wanted to know if we should leave you here.”

“You can leave yourself here.”

I laughed.

Kaelob pointed at me.

“You've been back thirty seconds and she's already worse.”

“I've missed you too.”

“No one was talking to you.”

Everything became easier after that.

Almost.

During the drive, Rose sat beside me.

That hadn't been planned.

At least nobody admitted planning it.

Chloe sat farther forward with Dad and Rea while Alice drove. Kaelob had taken the front passenger seat before anyone else could.

Rose's arm rested beside mine.

Every time the car moved, our shoulders touched.

It shouldn't have mattered.

It did.

“You're quiet,” she said.

“So are you.”

“No, I'm not.”

“You've said about six words.”

“I've said more than that.”

“Count them.”

She looked at me.

“You're still annoying.”

“There she is.”

She smiled.

And just like that, some of the awkwardness disappeared.

We talked about things we'd already discussed online. School. People I knew. People she knew. Sophie came up.

I should have expected that.

“So,” Rose said casually, “how's Sophie?”

I looked at her.

“You know we're not together.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you asking?”

“I'm being polite.”

“You've never been polite.”

Rose looked out the window.

“Fine.”

I smiled.

“How's Miguel?”

Her head turned immediately.

“I don't know.”

“You don't know?”

“No.”

“You went out with him.”

“Twice.”

“Three times.”

She stared at me.

“How do you know?”

“You told me.”

“I did not.”

“You did.”

“When?”

“November.”

Rose was quiet.

Then she smiled slowly.

“You remember?”

I realized my mistake.

“No.”

“You just said November.”

“I guessed.”

“Of course.”

“Shut up.”

She laughed and turned toward the window.

I looked away too.

Neither of us mentioned Sophie or Miguel again.

The first days passed differently from the year before.

Last time, Rose had shown me her world.

This time, I already knew parts of it.

I knew Alice's house.

I knew which door stuck when it was humid.

I knew Kaelob would steal whatever food was left if I didn't get there first.

I knew which relatives would ask me questions and which ones would simply put more food on my plate without asking.

I even understood a few words people said around me.

Rea laughed the first time I answered one correctly.

“You've been studying.”

“No.”

Rose looked at her.

“He has.”

I stared at her.

“Traitor.”

“You asked me to teach you.”

“That was private information.”

Rea smiled.

Something about that moment made Chloe go quiet.

I noticed.

Rose didn't.

Or maybe she did and chose not to say anything.

Chloe had come back willingly.

That mattered.

But the strange tension she'd carried since our first trip hadn't disappeared. She liked Alice. She talked to Kaelob. She was perfectly friendly with Rose.

Sometimes she even seemed happy.

Then Rea would laugh with Alice or tell a story about growing up here, and Chloe would withdraw slightly.

It was as if she could enjoy the Philippines only until something reminded her that they belonged to Rea too.

I had stopped trying to understand it.

Rose hadn't.

One evening, she asked me about Chloe.

We were sitting outside after everyone else had gone inside. The air was still warm, but without the sun it was easier to breathe.

“Does your sister hate me?”

I looked at her.

“What?”

“Chloe.”

“No.”

“You answered very quickly.”

“Because she doesn't.”

Rose picked at the label on her bottle.

“Sometimes she looks at me strangely.”

“Chloe looks at everyone strangely.”

“Damian.”

I sighed.

“She likes you.”

“But?”

There was always a but.

I looked toward the house.

Through the window I could see Chloe talking to Dad. Rea and Alice were somewhere in the kitchen.

“It isn't you.”

Rose waited.

I didn't know how much to tell her.

How did you explain years of something you barely understood yourself?

“Chloe has a complicated relationship with Rea.”

“I know that.”

“Then you know enough.”

Rose looked toward the window.

“Does she think I'm part of it?”

“No.”

I hesitated.

“Maybe.”

Rose nodded slowly.

“She loves you.”

I looked at her.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“A lot, probably.”

I wanted to ask what she meant.

Before I could, Rose stood.

“Come on.”

“Where?”

“Walk.”

“It is dark.”

“So?”

"So where are we going?”

She smiled.

“You ask too many questions.”

“And you never answer them.”

“Then stop asking.”

I followed her.

Again.

Apparently, some things hadn't changed.

We walked until the voices from the house became quieter.

Rose told me about school. About Alice. About Kaelob wanting to leave eventually and see more of the world.

Then she asked about Germany.

Not the version from photographs.

My Germany.

What I did after school.

Where I went with my friends.

What winter felt like.

What Christmas looked like.

Things she'd heard about a hundred times suddenly became questions because now we were standing beside each other.

Eventually, we stopped walking.

Rose looked at me.

“You got taller.”

I laughed.

“You've seen me.”

“On a screen.”

“You told me that last month.”

“I couldn't tell properly.”

“So?”

“So now you're annoyingly tall.”

“Jealous?”

“Of your height?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“You sound jealous.”

She pushed my shoulder.

I caught her wrist without thinking.

Everything stopped.

Not literally.

There were still insects somewhere in the darkness. A motorcycle passed in the distance. Someone laughed back at the house.

But between us, something changed.

Rose looked at my hand around her wrist.

I let go immediately.

“Sorry.”

She didn't move.

Neither did I.

We were close.

Closer than we'd been since the airport.

Rose looked up at me.

For one terrifying second, I thought she was going to kiss me.

For another terrifying second, I thought I wanted her to.

Then someone called her name.

“Rose!”

Kaelob.

She stepped back.

“Coming!”

We looked at each other.

Rose smiled nervously.

“We should go.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of us moved.

Then she turned around.

I followed.

That night, I couldn't sleep.

Not because of the heat.

Not because of the time difference.

Not because Kaelob was making enough noise in the next room to wake half the island.

I kept thinking about those few seconds.

Her face.

Her eyes.

How close she'd been.

My phone vibrated.

Rose.

She was somewhere else in the same house.

Rose: Awake?

I stared at the message.

Me: Yes.

Rose: Me too.

I waited.

Nothing else came.

Then:

Rose: That was weird earlier.

I knew exactly what she meant.

Me: A little.

Three dots.

Rose: Goodnight Damian.

I smiled.

Me: Goodnight Rose.

I put my phone down.

Then picked it up again.

There was nothing else.

I didn't need there to be.

The first time I'd come to the Philippines, I'd met a girl.

Over the year that followed, she'd become my friend.

Now I was beginning to understand that somewhere between Germany and the Philippines, between messages and calls and ten thousand kilometers of distance, something had changed.

I just didn't know what to do with it yet.

We still had almost four weeks.

I thought that was plenty of time.

I had no idea how quickly four weeks could change everything.