The gang leaders girl

Chapter 2

You often hear the word broken Don't you? but have you ever felt it so explicitly that you could be used in defining it, in describing it. When it so happened that every time you try to get fixed you are broken, over and over and over again, until it becomes a part of you, the feeling of brokenness.

That you cannot live without the feeling of emptiness, because it is the only feeling you comprehend.

I sound like a poet right? that's exactly how I felt as I laid down on the bed frozen. My body was there but my mind was not. It had again wandered too far away leaving my body at risk.

Back to reality I understood what my body was clamouring to tell me and what my mind was trying to prevent when I had felt uncomfortable about sleeping with my brothers and Ken.

There were three rooms and a bathroom in the small passage. Bella slept in one, Ken and his sister Anita the other and the last one on the hall way belonged to Aunt Lisa. Anita had suddenly made me sleep in Ken's room which was much bigger that Bella's. The bed was bigger, the windows were bigger and the wardrobe too although the both rooms had the same setting.

I had been so asleep when my eyes opened to meet a scene that I not only found despicable but vexing.

What is he doing? I kept asking myself as I watched Ken move his hands slowly from my knee to my thighs. I turned around and slapped his hands away from me. He stopped touching me, but no words were exchanged between us or apologies given. Not that I wanted any.

We both pretended like it did not happen.

With my eyes slightly ajar I watched him go back to the floor were he had been sleeping_or at least was meant to be. I was young and naive and I was tired, so I continued to lie down, not necessarily unbothered, not entirely bothered; I just wanted to lay back and sleep.

I was fully aware that he was there with me, and that what he tried to do to me was bad but; but I hoped that he would let me be now that I had caught him.

That was a careless decision but I was not known to make the right choices. Plus I did always pride myself with the feeling that I could defend myself. A feeling not too true, but a girl has to trust herself.

After a while I drifted to sleep, albeit still a bit worried that he would once again try to do something inappropriate to me. So this time I stayed standing on the boundary between sleep and wakefulness.

I had almost crossed the line, when he climbed the bed again; I didn't move.

I knew he was there, I felt his presence but I didn't move. I think he thought it as a sign that I was asleep, or a sign that I wanted him to touch me.

He sat down on the side of the bed and touched my cheek; I whimpered mostly because I was disgusted, fear came later.

My heart started beating fast against my chest and my hands which I had hidden under the pillow were starting to get sweaty. I felt exposed to him. My tiny breast, my stomach, my lips. I turned, so that I was lying belly flat against the bed in the hope that it would send him away, but it didn't.

He climbed me, but I didn't move; I thought that maybe if I stayed still then he would go away. I did that a lot, run from my problems and pretend like they did not exist_ hoping that maybe then they would leave seeing that I didn't have the time or strength to battle them.

It was not until I felt something hard touch my back that reality came to haunt me. I flared up. I didn't know where the courage came from, but I was so angry!

"Get up!" I shouted, turning back. I felt something hard in between my thighs and almost choked in fear. I looked straight into his eyes, not blinking not fearing, feeling nothing; a feeling that to me had been all too familiar.

"Just a little touch, it won't hurt much I promise." He said trying to kiss me. "You are so beautiful." He moaned, against my neck.

"No! Get off me!" I repeated, speaking through clenched teeth.

I tried pushing him off me with all the strength I could muster but It wasn't enough, it didn't move him more than two inches away from me. I was slim, and young. I was only twelve why did I think I could fight him.

"Get of me now." I shrieked. Fear, desperation they were all the things I was feeling. Things that my little mind couldn't quite grasp in it's entirety.

"Please, I love you, I won't hurt you." He whispered.

"Get up or I'll scream and you know Aunt Lisa will hear me." I warned, glaring angrily at him.

My brothers were sleeping peacefully beside me and I didn't want to wake them up to the horrible scene playing before me now.

They were so young, I could not afford to expose them to something so awful.

I tried to sound as stern and confident as I could in such a risky situation. I was scared, really scared_my heart stopped beating.

I had to bank on my instincts that he was afraid of his brothers wife. I felt that he didn't want to get in trouble with Aunt Lisa.

I was right, he was afraid of her.

He stopped moving and relief rushed through me like river flowing down rocks, you can not imagine how relieved I was. Although I continued to keep up an impassive face even though I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

"I'm sorry please don't scream and don't tell her please." He begged. Fear evident in his face and voice. I almost didn't feel too repulsed by his presence. He didn't stop looking at me for a second. He was expecting me to scream but I was not stupid. He would hurt me if I screamed; I knew it.

"OK I won't tell her." I promised. I knew I was lying through my teeth. I definitely would tell Aunt Lisa what he tried to do to me immediately I awoke, that was if I slept at all, but he didn't need to know that. He didn't need to know that I was not as naive as he thought.

I could't believe I trusted him, and to think my aunt had a daughter younger than I was. I felt sad for her, she didn't know she was harbouring a bad man.

He laid down on the rug again but this time I didn't make the same mistake of closing my eyes. I watched him from my peripheral vision and I felt his eyes on me too. His eyes on me felt like they were hands and I had never been so afraid.

I had to act like I didn't understand what he tried to do. The truth be told then I didn't really understand what he tried to do to me, but I knew that whatever he tried to do was wrong.

I was 12 which kind of explains my naivety, and my parents had been a little too strict so I wasn't really exposed to things like this.