FROSTBOUND

9 — Careless

~Odessa~

"I… I lost my daughter?" Tears hot and biting brewed at the corners of my eyes, the words breaking as they left my lips.

"Yes, my dear," Margaret replied.

I stared at the photograph in my hands, cradling the baby with a tenderness that felt achingly lovely. So adorable baby, you'd believe spring itself had chosen her to wear its joy.

I couldn't hold it anymore. "I lost my child," The tears broke out, burning cruelly against my cold skin, the ache sharp like a blade mercilessly driven inside my heart.

"No, Juliana, don't cry. You have grieved the death of your child with your husband and have also moved on. So please, don't even think of letting those tears fall." Margaret persuaded me, swiftly brushing the tears away from my eyes, not letting them spill on the heartwarming photo in my hands.

I bit hard on my lip, swallowing the ache in my chest. I had forgotten my husband. Forgotten my child.

They must have loved me deeply, and I must have loved them just as much. Is that why my husband looks at me with such coldness now? Because I couldn't remember them?

Perhaps my forgetfulness had turned his grief into anger, leaving me to face a man who mourned what I could no longer be.

With curiosity etched, I felt my voice creep into sorrow. "That must be why my husband hates me so much now. My loss of memory has deepened his anger," I cried.

"No, not at all." Margaret cut in, head shaking disapprovingly. "It's not the way you're assuming it to be." She bit her lips, forcing herself to calm her voice.

"I'd never thought that things would turn out this way, my dear. I never wanted my son to show such a sign of agitation towards you. But it all started that night. Everything changed and began after the night Julian died. You know... Your daughter had died by the poolside." Her head threw back as though reliving the memory. I could see the sadness there sitting in her eyes.

"That night was a horrible one. You had taken your daughter to sit by the poolside, not knowing the weather would suddenly change. Before the weather changed, you had already passed out by the poolside from the food you had eaten; food that we came to discover you were allergic to.

Before anyone could realize it, you had already fallen unconscious. It was too late, and the wind had already started blowing. The wind was so cruel to take your baby's carriage into the pool where your baby was lying. My dear, what happened that night wasn't your fault at all.

Everything was clear that it wasn't, so don't blame yourself now. It was just unfortunate that it was on this horrible night that such happened to you. Since then, your relationship with your husband has never remained the same." Margaret's voice turned breathless, her eyes reddening with tears.

"Mo–Mother, all these things have happened to me?"

"Yes, and as I said, it was in the past and you two have moved on." She tried to coax me.

Moved on? I queried in my mind. If we had truly moved on, why does my husband still hold it against me? It was obvious. I could understand that he blamed me for my daughter's death.

I must have been so careless with my child.

Holding back my tears wasn't possible anymore, my hand clutching tighter on the photograph.

"Juliana, my dear. Even though you have lost your baby in this case, you must make sure this sad story will turn into a blissful one. We're all here to make sure of it. And as long as I'm here with you, I'm going to do everything possible to return this family to what it used to be. We would all be happy again."

"So, that's enough, my dear. You will be fine. I promise everything will go back to the way it used to be with your husband. I promise you that. For now, all you need to do is to gain his trust again. Show him that you truly love him, and I'm sure he will come around."

"I pray so," I wept onto her shoulder. "That must be so hard on him." My voice was thin, strained with tears. It must be so hard on him thinking of our lost child and now added to our mystery, here I was with a lost memory.

This must be so hard on him.

"Yes, it is," Margaret replied, adjusting her hold. "Just as it's hard on you too. You will have to endure his attitude for now. But I assure you, he does love you." Even so, the reassurance did little to ease my heartbreak.

It was my fault. My inability to protect our child had caused the misfortune in my relationship with Adrian.

"Just be patient my dear, just be patient," Margaret added, patting my back gently, finally releasing her hold on me after crying a long while on her shoulders.

I wiped the tears in my eyes, making a vow to myself that I would never let this break us apart. Just like Margaret said, I'll do everything possible to build this family back to what it was before.

A happy home.

"You'll excuse me for a while, my dear. I'll call the maid now to bring your breakfast here. You need to eat Juliana," Margaret urged, freeing her grip further. "And for now, I have to find Adrian. I need to talk some sense into him. I'll return to you when I'm done."

I nodded.

Wiping the corners of my eyes, I watched her leave.

I sighed, letting my gaze drift back to the photographs spread across the bed. My fingers lingered on one, the one I took with Adrian on our wedding day.

We appeared radiant. Certainly, it must have been the happiest day of our lives when we said our vows.

"Adrian, my love," I whispered. Yes, he must have been my love. If it weren't so, I wouldn't have married him. The way we looked happily at each other in the photo said it all.

Couples who harbor no feelings won't stare so affectionately at each other like this, right? Or have people been acting that way in recent days; to pretend to love someone but don't?

No. I shook my head against the thought. Adrian must have loved me. All I needed was to be patient with him, as Margaret said, and also remember the things of my past. It will help me a lot in getting back to good times again.

"Don't worry, I will do my best to remember you all again," I promised, returning the pictures to the table.

Done placing them at their rightful positions I had seen Margaret take them out of, I saw a maid walking into the room with the tray of food in her hands.