Her Trauma, His Redemption

Chapter 15: His promise

His expression softened into something fierce, something unshakeable.

I already do, " he breathed, " I already want you more than is good for both of us, " he swallowed and Tiana watched his Adam's apple move slowly. "You don't know the things I have done. You don't know what being with me would cost you. If you marry me there is no walking away. "

A tear slid down her cheek "Maybe I don't want to walk away. "

She didn't want to walk away.

Her time will even be up before she can find a reason, if there is any, to walk away.

Jake gave her a small smile. "I know, baby. I know. That's why you heal first. I want you whole if we're going to do this."

Her heart twisted painfully.

But she nodded. Holding on to those words like her next breath.

She was sure now, she loved this man.

Maybe one day she would want to live for him to take care of him as he does for her.

Jake watched the wheel turn through her eyes. He hated that he did that to her.

But it had to be done.

No matter how he wanted her to be his, his wife, the one he gets to protect, that one person who belonged only to him. He couldn't ignore the fact that she was hurt, afraid, traumatised yet still trusted him enough to want to marry him.

He couldn't take advantage of that.

At least not with her.

He squeezed her hands."Heal first, baby. Then if you still want to marry me. I won't let anything stop us. "

He sat beside her again then pulled her onto his lap. Needing her close. A need he had developed since the moment last night.

Her closeness anchored him in ways he couldn't describe.

Tiana sniffed whispering "Promise?" She shifted so that she was straddling him.

Jake breathed then leaned towards her lowering his forehead to hers.

"I swear it, " he murmured." When you're ready...I'll put a ring on your finger myself. "

Tiana hugged him close to her.

There was a shift in their relationship starting now and she didn't even know if it was good or bad. But being here with him, in his arms, him holding her, nothing could be more right than this.

She breathed his scent deeply.

Now that she thought of it she slept better when he was around. It didn't matter where they were as long as he was the one with her.

"Okay. " She said her breath trembling on his neck.

Jake exhaled shakily relief and longing mixing in his eyes as he finally pulled back enough to see her face clearly.

She might have been afraid of him walking out on her without any reassurance that he was hers, but Jake was afraid of more things than one.

The little truth he was hiding was one of them. The fear that this safety she feels now would one day diminish and she will leave him.

Just like that day at the hospital when he went to look for her.

She had left without a trace of her left. The thought of her leaving him like that again scared the s**t out of him.

He had done things he was not proud of but she was his greatest redemption.

The one thing that could fill the void that the world had left behind. The void his parents had left behind.

But this had been his fault and he owed it to her to make sure she was okay before she decided what to do with her life.

He would respect any decision she makes even if it meant her leaving him.

That thought destroyed something in him.

"Do you want anything?"

Tiana shook her head. "No."

Jake sighed stroking her arm downwards.

"It's time for your meds. "

Tiana shook her head again. "I don't want them."

Jake watched her.

"Why?"

"I don't want to sleep," she said softly. "They make me sleep. "

Jake breathed.

"But you need to finish them. "

"I'm fine, " she said trying to sound animated and Jake almost laughed. "See, " she raised her arms and this time, Jake chuckled.

For the first time, things didn't hurt as much as they did. He wasn't thinking of what he couldn't change but what she could become.

What he could help her become.

"I see just fine, baby," he breathed. "But you need to be a good baby and take your meds as prescribed. "

Tiana pouted. "I'm not a baby. "

Jake smiled before putting her down on the couch.

"You are, " he said. "You are my baby. "

Tiana smiled genuinely this time. And the way her eyes lit up with that smile had Jake pausing his movement.

He never wanted that smile on her face and the thought that he would be the one to wipe it off made his chest hurt.

But he was doing it for her own good. She didn't know what she was getting herself into and he had already caused her more harm he couldn't get her deeper into his world even if he wanted to.

He wanted her with him, in his home, on his bed, happy and him proud of himself for being the reason for that happiness.

But his men had hurt her and Jake wasn't sure he could move passed that thought, that pain.

Will she still feel safe once she knows his men are the ones who hurt her?

That he had been part of a dangerous organisation years ago though he doesn't practice those activities now, but he still has ties with them.

Protection. Things he couldn't tell her.

"Stay here, " he said softly. " I'll go get your medicine and something for you to eat. "

Tiana nodded despite her protest.

Jake tried to maintain a calm face but once the door closed behind him his world crumbled.