Her Trauma, His Redemption

Chapter 20: I will marry you

"Tiana _"

"I asked you, " she said stepping closer to him and somehow Jake could feel himself breathing again, "because when I was at the warehouse and I thought I was going to die, the only person I wanted to see one last time was you."

Her voice cracked tears trekking down her cheeks. "Not my father, not anyone. Just you, Jake. Because you make me feel safe. Because when I'm with you, I feel wanted. Alive. Because somehow you brought me to life that night. I fell for you the first time I laid eyes on you on that road. Not because you saved me but because something in you called out to me, to my fears until the only thing I could think about was you. And I know that scares you, and I understand, but it's the truth. "

Jake swallowed, losing all his defences against her. He had established he couldn't win over her and the things he felt for her. So why was he trying so hard to fight this.?

"I asked you because even before all this, I already loved you. Loved you enough to have thought about you every single day for the past three years. Loved you enough to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. "

Jake's breath caught. Her confession hung between them like a heartbeat too loud to ignore. He lived in those words, breathed in them until it was all he could hear.

"And if you don't feel the same, " she added softly, "then just say so. Just tell me the truth, and I'll stop asking. "

Jake looked like she had ripped him open. He took a long shuddering breath and moved towards her, this time not the slow, deliberate steps he always took with her. He was way past that. He wanted her close.

To feel her the way his inner demons demanded, to feel her breathe on him. In him

"Tiana..." His voice was barely a whisper. "I do love you, " the admission sounded like it cost him everything. "I've loved you for longer than I should have. I just God, I'm so afraid of losing you. Afraid that I'll ruin you. Afraid that I'm not enough to keep you and still make sure you are safe from the monsters I command and bring. "

She shook her head. "Jake... you are not a monster. "

"I'm close enough, " he rasped.

Jake had gotten her food after that and told her to rest. Then the night was quiet.

Too quiet for two people whose hearts wouldn't stop racing from the argument they just had.

Jake sat on the couch beside her, hands on his knees, head bowed as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders.

Tiana lay curled under the blanket, watching him through half-closed eyes. The room now smelled of him instead of the lavender lotions he had got her.

She didn't think he knew she was awake. She didn't think he meant for her to see him like this. Broken. Tormented. Human.

And Tiana hated herself for doing that to him. He wasn't a monster as he thought he was. He was a powerful man now wrestling with emotions that terrified him far more than the wars he'd fought before. All because of her.

Tiana shifted slightly, and the sheets whispered. Jake lifted his head instantly.

"I told you to rest," he murmured.

Tiana ignored it. "Jake... can we talk?"

"No, " he said immediately, running a hand through his hair. " Not until you're stronger. "

Tiana frowned. "You think talking to you is going to break me?"

"I think I'm going to break you, " he muttered.

Tiana's heart squeezed. "Jake..."

He stood abruptly pacing to the windows. "I'm not safe for you. "

Tiana slid her legs down the couch. "You're safe for me. "

He turned, eyes burning. Tormented. "You say that now, but you don't know how deep this goes. How deep I go. I told you I want to do things to you, things that I shouldn't even be thinking about for someone as hurt as you. But I do... f**k, you're all I can think about. "

"Then show me. "

Jake froze, looking at her as if she had lost her mind.

"Show me," she repeated softly. "Give me all of you. Don't protect me from your darkness let me decide for myself. "

Jake's throat bobbed in a swallow. "When you asked me to marry you..."

"I meant it."

"I know," he whispered voice strangled. "I know you meant it. And that's why it terrified me. " His voice grew rough. "Because I didn't want a yes you'll regret. "

Tiana's eyes glistened. "And what about you?" She asked. "Are you afraid you'd regret it?"

Jake stared at her as if the question pierced straight through him. "No," he said finally. "Not for a second. "

Her breath caught.

Jake reached for her, kneeling before her as if she were the only one who could save him. "I've been thinking, " he murmured. "About everything you said. About everything we argued about. And I hate..." his voice broke. "I hate that you thought I didn't want you. "

She lifted her hand to his cheeks. "I don't think that anymore. "

Jake leaned into her touch like a man starved. "I want you," he whispered. "I want you in every way a man can want a woman. I want your scars, your strength, your fears, your fire. I want your mornings and your nights. I want the parts of you that you hide from the world. I want all of it. "

Tiana's eyes filled with tears.

"But," he continued softly cupping her hands on his face. "Wanting you... and being good for you...those feel like two very different things. "

She shook her head. "Jake listen to me-"

"You asked me to marry you, " he whispered.

She let out a shaky breath."Yes. "

"And I've been trying to convince myself to say no. To be rational. To be the responsible one. " His thumb brushed her cheeks, wiping a tear she didn't know had fallen. "But nothing about how I love you is rational. "

Her heart thudded so loudly she heard it in her ears.

Jake pulled back, just enough to look directly into her eyes. "So if you're still asking..."

"I am," she whispered.

"...then my answer is yes. "

Tiana choked a sob.

Jake caught her instantly, lifting her gently into his arms settling her onto his lap on the couch. She clung to him, shaking with relief and disbelief.

His voice, low, raw, and close to her ears. "I'll marry you, Tiana. Protect you and fight for you. I don't know if I deserve but I'll spend every day trying. "

She pulled back to cradle his face, tears falling freely. "Jake...this is all I ever wanted. "

"No," he murmured kissing her forehead, lingering there. "This is just the beginning. "

Her fingers curled into his shirt, grounding herself in him. "Say it again, " she whispered. "Please. "

He gently tilted her chin up.

"Yes, " he murmured voice breaking into a smile she rarely saw. "I'll marry you. "

Tiana let out a soft breathless laugh that turned into another quiet sob, burying her face into his chest. Jake held her like she was something precious, something he'd die for, something he'd kill for, something he couldn't live without.

The world paused for them in the hush of the room.

This wasn't a polished proposal. It wasn't planned nor perfect.

But it was pure. It was theirs.