Her Trauma, His Redemption

Chapter 30: Conversation he took slowly

The afternoon light slanted through the window, warm and gentle, setting over the sitting room like a quiet promise. Tiana sat curled on the couch, knees tucked to her chest, a mug cooling between her hands. She wasn't shaking. That alone felt like an accomplishment.

Jake watched her from across the room for a long moment before speaking.

Not because he didn't know what to say, but because he knew how he said it mattered just as much.

He crossed the room and sat beside her, close enough to feel her warmth, far enough not to crowd her. He didn't want to be another reason she broke down again. Not after what happened last night. She had to be still sensitive enough from it. And Jake feared what he was about to say might trigger her again.

He rested his forearms on his knees, posture open and grounded. "How are you feeling?" He asked softly.

Tiana considered the question, taking a deep breath just to monitor how she actually felt. "Tired," she admitted. "But not scared anymore. "

Relief flickered through Jake like a breath of light, carefully contained. "I'm glad."

Silence settled between them, comfortable but expectant.

Tiana glanced at him, sensing something unspoken. It amazed her how tuned they always seemed to be about each other's feelings. Like now and the whole day. He had something to tell her, but Tiana could sense the hesitation even if he tried to hide it.

"You've been quiet today," she said.

Jake nodded. "I wanted to talk to you about something, but only if you are okay with it. "

Her shoulders tensed slightly but she nodded. "Okay."

Jake took a deep breath. "The morning you saw me with Marco," Tiana watched him, fingers tightening around her mug.

"You talked to him about last night?" she asked.

"Yes," he said immediately. "We spoke about what you went through and about what we can do about it. "

She looked away, eyes tracing the line of the window. "I don't want to be drugged into silence."

"I know," he said immediately. "That's not what this is about."

She turned back her eyes, searching his face for any hint of control or insistence. But there was none. And Tiana had always known Jake would never force her to do anything she didn't want to.

He had always given her choices, something that though surprised her, she was still grateful.

Jake chose his words carefully." Marco thinks therapy could help. Trauma-focused therapy with someone who knows what they are doing. Someone safe. "

Tiana's chest tightened. Therapy meant talking. It meant remembering all the cruelty. It meant letting someone see things she had long since locked away just to survive.

"I don't want someone poking away inside my head," she whispered.

Jake nodded, accepting the fear without judgment because he understood.

"You wouldn't be letting them poke," he said. "You would be deciding what to share. When and with whom."

She shook her head slightly. "What if I can't handle it? What if it makes things worse?"

Jake leaned a little closer, lowering his voice. "Then we stop. Immediately. No pushing. No more sessions. You say the word and it ends. "

She studied him, wanting to know if he really meant it, because Tiana wasn't ready for therapy. It was too soon, too raw and too bare. It felt like they wanted to remove her clothes, leaving her bare for the world to see the scars she carried, the scars she was hiding.

But looking at Jake, she knew he meant those words, he said. "You promise?" She asked.

"I swear it," he said. ''With everything I am. "

Tiana looked down at her hands, turning her ring slowly. "I've spent my whole life being told what to do with my body. With my thoughts. With my pain."

Jake's jaw tightened. "I know, baby. "

Tiana breathed. "I don't want this to be another thing that happens to me."

Jake reached out then, not to touch her yet, just leaving his hands on the cushion between them.

"Then it won't be," he said. " This will be something you choose, or you don't. Whatever you feel works for you, just know that I'm always here. "

Tiana hesitated then placed her hands in his. The contact came as a breath of warmth, it steadied her like it always did.

"What would therapy even look like?" She asked quietly.

"Slow," Jake said. "At your pace. It wouldn't start with details or memories. It would start with grounding, learning how to feel safe in your own body again."

Her throat tightened. "I don't even know what that feels like. "

"That's okay," he replied. "You don't have to know yet. "

She leaned back against the couch, exhaustion pressing into her bones. "What if they look at me like I'm broken?"

Then I'll kill them, Jake wanted to say. But his voice was calm but firm, not angry but absolute. " Then they are the wrong person. And we walk out. "

The certainty in his voice made something loosen inside her. "You wouldn't be disappointed?" She asked softly. "If I try and fail?"

He turned fully towards her now, lifting her chin so she had to meet his eyes. "There is no failing here," he said. "There is surviving. Healing. Pausing. Resting. And try again. All of it counts, baby, nothing less."

Her eyes burned. "I hate that you have to deal with this because of me."

Jake's expression darkened, but not in anger, with something fierce. "Don't turn your pain into an apology."

She swallowed. "I just... I don't want to be a burden."

He pressed his forehead into hers, breathing her in. " You are my wife. You are my choice. You can never be a burden to me. "

Tears slipped free, silent and hot. "I'm scared," she admitted.

"I know," he said. "And I'm proud of you for saying it."

They sat like that for a while, breathing together until the tension eased just enough for thought to return.

"Marco said we don't have to rush," Jake added. " We can meet the therapist first. Not sessions. Just a conversation. You get to decide if you feel safe. "

Tiana nodded slowly. "Just talking sounds...less terrifying. "

A faint smile touched his mouth. "That's a good start. "

She glanced at him, something vulnerable and hopeful flickering in her eyes. " Will you come with me? "

His answer was immediate. "If you want me there, yes. If you don't, I'll wait outside. Or in the car. Or a thousand miles away if that's what you need."

She huffed a weak laugh, but her eyes shined in the way he was getting used to. "I don't think I'm ready to do it alone just yet. "

"Then you won't," he said simply.

Tiana leaned into him, resting her head against his shoulder. "Okay," she whispered. "I'll try. Just... try."

"That's all anyone can ask," he murmured. "And that's more than enough."

Tiana curled deeper into his chest, yawning as she got herself comfortable.

Jake wrapped his arms around her carefully, holding her like something precious not fragile. "Go to sleep, baby," he murmured into her hair. "I'm right here with you."

For the first time since the panic attack, the idea of healing didn't feel like a hill she had to jump from. It felt like a door, one she would open slowly, with someone standing beside her hands steady in hers.

And as Tiana closed her eyes, surrounded by his scent, she knew she will open that door, with him by her side.