Her Trauma, His Redemption

Chapter 14: A question that breaks him

Tiana woke up to the soft glow of the afternoon sunlight slipping between the curtains. They had spent most of the day just sleeping with Jake holding her.

He made sure she was fed, clean and had enough sleep for her recovery.

Her body still ached, but the tremors that had once ruled her breath had dulled into something she could withstand. Healing wasn't linear she knew that but for the first time since this nightmare began, she didn't immediately bolt upright in terror.

Because Jake was there. Just like he had promised to always be. He sat beside on the couch working on something on his laptop.

Jake didn't seem to have slept, not really. His eyes were rimmed with exhaustion, but the moment she shifted slightly he straightened closing his laptop and putting it aside.

"You're awake, " he murmured.

His voice was low, rough, and strangely gentle. It wrapped around her like warmth, making her chest tighten.

Jake had never frightened her.

She would flinch the moment someone would walk through those doors but with Jake...he never frightened her. It's like every bone in her body knew he would never hurt her.

She didn't understand why.

She didn't understand him.

Yet he had stayed. Those days at the hospital, he stayed watching over her making sure he kept his promise of not letting anyone near her.

Then last night, he stayed on the floor the whole night with her because that was where she felt safe.

He was guarding her like something he feared losing.

"Are you hurting?" He asked softly eyeing the scratches still visible on her arms.

She shook her head. "Not much. "

"That's a lie, " he said gently but didn't push.

"I'll get your meds now. "

She reached out instinctively, holding his hand which still amazed her that she could touch him and he could touch her without her screaming for the hills in panic.

Jake froze, returning to his seat beside her.

"You don't want me to go?" He said quietly.

She nodded. "Just stay here with me. "

His breath caught chest rising sharply. He didn't speak. He just looked at her, really looked at her as if those words were heavier than anything he'd carried before.

Silence settled between them, soft, intimate and fragile.

Tiana stared at her hands, twisting the blanket between her fingers. Her heart thudded painfully in her chest.

There was something she had been thinking about ever since she got diagnosed with a tumour. Ever since she got kidnapped. Ever since she met him again.

It was something that made no sense, something wild and reckless and completely impossible.

Yet every time she thought she was being unfair to him, every time she thought she was asking too much, every time she tried to talk herself out of it, the thought only returned stronger.

Jake might care about her now but he will one day grow tired of her and want her to leave his house or worse lock her up. Just like her father did.

That's why she had chosen not to get treated. Money had been a major factor but fear had dominated her decision to choose death.

Fear of getting hurt again by the people she loved. The same people who should have loved her, protected her.

But Jake shouldn't have loved her. He had no reason to, but Tiana had watched his care, his fear and the way he looked at her. Like she mattered to him, like she too was the centre of his world like he was hers.

But then the uncertainty of the future scared her. She had been through a lot to want to burden Jake with them.

She already owed him too much to want to ask him to treat her. But this one thought wouldn't leave her mind. No matter how hard she tried not to think about it.

She glanced at him again. "Jake?"

His eyes softened "Yeah?"

Her lips trembled. "Can I...ask you something?"

Jake leaned towards her. "I will give you anything, all you have to do is ask. "

She swallowed then inhaled shakily. Her voice came out small, too small for the weight of what she wanted to say.

"Would you marry me?"

Jake didn't move at first, he didn't blink, he didn't even breathe.

It was as if the world stopped around him.

Tiana felt her pulse hammer in her ribs.

"I know it's crazy, " she whispered quickly. "And maybe it doesn't make sense and I'm probably broken and afraid and-"

"Tiana," his voice cracked like lightning through the air.

She fell silent.

Jake rose slowly and crouched so he was eye level with her holding her hands that though they seemed steady were shaking.

"Why?" He asked voice, low, torn between confusion and something deeper.

Her eyes filled with tears she couldn't stop. "Because I don't want to belong anywhere else, " she whispered. "Because when I wake up and you're here it feels like I'm not disappearing. Because I'm scared Jake. I'm scared that if I walk out of here without...without some anchor, I'll fall right back into the dark. "

And I'm scared to die alone. That you will leave once you realise how broken I actually am.

She wiped her tears angrily. "You make me feel safe. Wanted. Alive. And I don't know how else to make that stay. To make you stay. "

Jake's jaw flexed.

"Baby..." he murmured. "...you think marrying me will keep you safe?"

She nodded helplessly.

"And because I care about you," she whispered."More than you know. "

She wanted to belong to someone, someone who cared about her feelings and didn't look at her as if she was worth hurting.

Jake closed his eyes as if her words struck something deep inside him.

When he opened them again they were darker, full of heat conflict, and longing he tried desperately to hide.

"Tiana, " he said slowly "If I marry you...I can't let you go, " his voice roughened, "Not ever, I won't be able to treat you like some temporary protection. You will be mine."

Her breath faltered. But not in fear. She wanted to belong to him, to know what it felt like to have a choice on who she belonged to.

"I know," she whispered. "I want you to be with you. To be yours. "

Jake swallowed, something close to insanity ran down his spine. This was insane. It was insane how those words affected him. How badly he wanted to say yes to her. To marry her. To have her in ways he had only ever imagined.

He suddenly stood up, pacing, raking a hand through his hair in frustration.

"You're asking this because you're scared, " he said harshly. "Because you're hurt. Because you think tying yourself to me is the only way to feel safe. "

Tiana flinched but didn't deny.

What he said was true but he didn't know the bigger reason and Tiana wanted to keep it that way.

He turned back to her, and the devastation in his eyes nearly stopped her breath.

"I want to marry you, " he admitted voice raw. "God help me, Tiana, I want it more than I've ever wanted anything."

Her heart stuttered.

"But not like this, " he whispered. " Not because you feel trapped. Or because you're trying to survive to protect yourself from a world that already failed you."

He stepped forward gently taking her hands into his again.

"I'll marry you, " he whispered. "If one day you ask me again, when you're healed. When you know what you want. When you're choosing me...not safety. "

Tiana's tears fell freely. "What if you don't want me then?"