The Inevitable Evidence

5.

PDV Melora, 

7h00.

This morning, I’m having a hard time waking up. I really don't want to go to class and yet it's only the 3rd week of class... My argument with Jaison prevented me from sleeping for two weeks. I didn't stop avoiding it and trying to figure out what had happened and since I keep thinking about it, I don't sleep. Auxalia pushed me to talk to him but I have a character: I'm stubborn and I never come back during an argument and then, after the years, Jaison knows it. She also told me that if she told me all this it was because Driss had told her what had happened and that I had to listen to Jaison but not. So, I chose to hang out with Anastatia since these two weeks and the messages he kept sending me didn't help; insomnia didn't let me down.

It may be childish to make him look so much but I hate to know that he didn't listen to me when I showed him by A-B that it was kid to get into their game even though Tobias is more upset than him, he dragged all the boys with him and I have no trouble guessing that it was Eidan who tried to separate them.

Auxalia must be here soon, she is the one who picks me up this morning. Most of our group starts later: Laurie and Jai' don't take classes until 11am, Harmony starts at 10am having applied biology with Eidan but Emilio has marketing history at the same time as us.

I get up stretching and open the window, thinking that the sun's rays would warm my skin, until I see that finally even the sun is not with me today: it is gray, like my mood.

I drag myself in the bathroom with a shot of water on my face to wake up and put me moisturizer and labello, not wanting to make up. I then go to the dressing room, where I select a grey skinny jean to go with time, a big soft black sweater and a vintage bomber belonging to my father when he was young and my black and white sneakers in the other hand.

Back in my room, I put the jacket on the bed and the shoes on the floor to unplug my phone and take it all back afterwards. I grab my grey backpack   by putting my computer sitting on my desk with my wallet that I take in my other bag. I go down and discover a word resting on the bar with my thermos still hot.

I've prepared your thermos you just have to put it in your bag. Dad has a construction site to see in Washington we'll be back tomorrow night. Order anything with the money in the pot. 

Te quiero, Mamà

Very good. Well, I'm a little disappointed not to have had a kiss from my mother but that's how it is, Dad had to be in a hurry this morning. So, I’m thinking of inviting the girls to come tonight so they don't stay alone. My thermos made, I put it in my bag. I barely have time to make a butter spread that Auxalia honks. I rush out by putting my bombshell and a shoe at the same time before putting the other and closing behind me, the spread in my mouth, of course, with the laughter of Lia guessing on her mouth during my theatrical outing.

Once in my best friend's car, I give her a kiss on the cheek and she sets off having whispered to me a beautiful kid greeting, being as unspoken as I am to start at 8:00. During the journey, she activates the radio that passes a soft music, a silence is present but not heavy allowing me to finish my butter spread. 

Neither of us is in the morning and then we talked with Laurie last night so that I try to think about something else and specially to put my pride aside and go and chat with Jaison. And I thought about changing the subject because I hate being the center of attention but Ialsodidn't want to force her to talk to me about Driss; She'll do it when she's ready and when it's serious. Lia gives me a slight pat on the cheek and I notice that I have fallen asleep. I smile at him and take my bag at my feet as we have just arrived and my friend has parked. We part in front of the main building because it does not take place in the same building as me, but in the D, and me at the A which is much further away.

So, I'm heading to my building and sending a message to Anastatia to find out where she's at. Once in front of the room, I see that I have 10 good minutes left before the hour. I take out my headphones and wait for the teacher to open the door and close her eyes. I suddenly hear a rattling of keys in a lock and lift me up. I wait for her to come in to follow her while saying hello, she tells me I can sit down, and I sit in the middle as we do with my sidekick. In fact, she just told me that she is on her way.

The course goes quietly, the teacher is pretty cool today and Anastatia is already l*****g the boot which makes me laugh during the 2 hours of class. When the bell rings, we put our things away and the teacher asks us to look for readings so that we can debate on it at the next class. Anastatia tells me that she is running because she took an option to be a bit with Maélla and we part in front of the main building.

I get a message from Emilio who offers to join him at the library since we have 1 hour of hole before having 1 hour of study of color with Jaison, Laurie ... and Tobias. What a joy. 

I accept and ask him to wait for me in front. Once in front of the library, I give a kiss on the cheek still broken by my friend who laughs and he goes upstairs to be quiet and I am. I put my bag in my place and go down to get a book. When I come back, my friend has already taken out all his stuff to start his review sheets, really excellent this one, definitely they go well together with Harmony. He raises the head of his sociology book to see that I smile like an i***t and asks me to stop smiling like that. I laugh and sit down and I try to carry all my intention on the book I have in my hands, "Too Close", alas I am unable.

As I try to reread yet another paragraph, my phone vibrates. I take it, unlock it and notice that it is none other than Jaison.

Guapo: Well, are you done making me look like this?

Me: No.

Guapo: Damn but Melora, I didn't stop apologizing for two weeks! What more do you want me to do? I did something wrong and you warned me so I can only go after myself but I had every reason to go and hit the one who was once our best friend.

Me: Yes well, it's fine, I know you apologized and I may have overreacted but you're just an i***t too.

Guapo:  I can imagine you saying it so much in Spanish...

Me:  Stop you i***t!

Guapo:  this one also mdr  

Me: Tell me. I want to know everything.

Guapo:  Don't you want me to do it in front of your pretty porridge? So, I can hug you and at the same time I can see your reactions. 

Me:  My pretty porridge and I tell you that you just have to move your a*s in the library.

Guapo:  No need, I'm already leaning like a "fool" in front of the door.

Me:  What do you mean?

Guapo: as Emilio

I raise my eyes to this one which is kind of to be totally absorbed by what he does, avoiding crossing my insistent gaze but smiling in spite of himself. He doesn't lose anything to wait for that one.

Me: I hate him.

Guapo: and I'm not going to wait for the week of the 4 Thursdays.

Me: yes, you're going to see you!

I quickly put my things away, which I put on the table, telling Emilio that we're after and adding that I hate him. He laughs and tells me not to bring the book back, that he will take care of it for me, in my place. I kiss her on the cheek and hurtle down the stairs under the black eye of the librarian because I make too much noise. Once out, I take Jaison's hand in my path and laughs and feel him stumble because he did not expect me to fall so fast.

I run for a few minutes before landing in front of the football field, where finally took place their tangle. He pulls me down and we find that there is no one there. I sit in a suit on the grass, taking my bag off my shoulders and looking at it, ready to listen to the story. Jaison laughs at my childish behavior and that smile gives me balm in my heart. He sits in front of me and takes a deep breath before launching.

“So, when the coach left, I started a conversation between Tobias and Damian but I didn't know what it was. And while I was getting to know the other guys and the atmosphere was pretty cool, Tobias started telling Damian a lot about you, making it were deliberate to speak loudly so I could hear it. He said that during those two months you had gained too much confidence, that he knew more who you were and he even started talking about what happened between you and Maddison in college because Oscar and the twins started wanting to know the story. 

I tend to what he tells me, but let him speak but I begin to stretch myself. What right does he have to let our friendship go like this? The Tobias I know, however shy he may be, would never have talked about his private life like that so I clearly think he wanted to titillate Jaison.

-      I only listened, but then he started going too far, distorting the actions you had done, adding crates. When he mentioned the fact that you were getting even closer to me to make him jealous and that anyway he knew that you were madly in love with him since you met, I hit him. Emilio came straight to us, but Damian punched him in the face and fired back. 

He explains to me, without looking me in the eye this time, I see that he trembles in front of me. Tobias is above all his best friend since they were kids so it's normal that this altercation really affected him. On the other hand, I understand better the altercation between Emilio and Damian, despite having already touched me two words on the subject.

-      Tobias had the upper hand over me for the first time, I was fighting against him with my feelings and he knew what to say to touch me and make me weak, it was above all my best friend and fighting with him for you was horrible but he kept telling me that you were using me, that you did not love me, that if you showed me so much attention it was only to touch it ... 

It was f*****g fake. Why does he think that? I always thought Tobias, ate Tobias, felt Tobias, lived Tobias... He can't turn things around like that, absolutely not when you know how I put Jaison aside for him, like everyone around me.

-      And the more he hit me, and the more I fired back, the more strength I had and I cried with rage. Driss could not bear yet another sentence from Tobias and hit him with force... And at that moment, Eidan yelled at us to stop. So, we all stopped, he told us you were waiting for us. I remembered that you told me not to do anything but Melora, how could I not hit him huh? How could I have let him say these things like you're that person when you're not? Given what has already happened between us, do you really think I did something wrong? Ended him breathless, by asking me looking me in the eye, sadness and hatred in the eyes.”

Then I get up and run into his arms. Sounded by this revelation but above all grateful. He fought for me against Tobias, he defended me and proved thathe's   not the person we knew anymore. I cling with all my strength to him, letting sink my tears in the face of this revelation and the words of the one I have been in love with for many years, the one who has never shown me anything, nor proved anything except words written by SMS and whispered thanks. It is time for me to stop important to him and to leave him in his lie. Jaison spreads me away from him with his arms to have the opportunity to look at me. He strokes my cheek when I ask him.

“What did he say to make Driss intervene?

-      I can’t Mel...

-      Tell me Jaison. I asked again, firmer than ever.

-      He mentioned what you did to yourself in high school and that you just had to die at that time.”

That's one too many. All I had to do was die... I am divided between hatred and sadness. I don't even know what to think or what to say in the face of this. The only thing I can do is watch Jaison. Everything happens in slow motion, I see his lips moved surely mimicking my first name but hear nothing, I stay blocked on his eyes and plunges me completely into my thoughts. I drown in Jaison's pupils and eventually find Tobias' eyes that take me a little deeper into the deep abyss of my soul.

I feel like I'm falling into a bottomless well. I have almost no reaction, my eyes blur, my vision turns black. I'm not oblivious to that no but my heart, ah my heart... My heart is in a thousand pieces, I feel like I'm without air, I breathe badly. I'm in shock. With all that I could show, everything I could say, everything I could do for him I had only to die? Tell me that I am dreaming, that I am in a nightmare and that this day is not real. How can a human being to whom you have dedicated all your love for seven years be able to get these words out? That she perfectly constituted person can wish someone dead?! No, but tell me!

I feel Jaison's arms around me, I feel his warmth while I am only cold and unreaction. He doesn't move, cradles me like he's used to, I don't know how I am from the outside but inside I'm just a waste, I'm just a soul wandering in a body. The pain is so strong, that I can't feel anything except the cold, like I've died inside.

I feel a trembling hand in front of me and see that I am crying, I don't know how I'm going to stop and when I tell myself that, it's my grandmother who brings me back to earth.

Don't give up, don't cry for anyone.

I feel him squeezing hard against him, I feel his smell that remind me how much I love to be protected by him and how many times he has been able to do so far.

I close my eyes and try to calm down.  I think about all the things that make me happy now and how I managed to see for myself that I'm happier when I don't think about Tobias.

I even guess   my best friend's concern...  And I blame myself because I don't like it when people worry about me and especially when it's him. I'm always smiling, I'm tired of being taken away from my smile...

But it’s hard, hard to get up now because I don't have the opportunity to fill the void, nor have my mother with me. I can't keep crying because I have to go to class. It's hard because despite all the changes in my life, Tobias still has this unhealthy grip on me, he's just my weak point and I hate it. Suddenly, as I languish over my fate, what I have just learned and how it hurts my heart and capsizes towards almost a black world, I see a hand standing in front of me, my thoughts and my poor little being. This person, as amazing as it may seem, is Damian because it is simply, he who makes me forget Tobias and all the feelings that are dedicated to him and who was also there for me when I needed it and Jaison was far away and it is this thing that made me change my mind about him and who has fiat what we are today. At that moment, he was the second breath to my heart and I abandoned myself to him, physically and mentally.

I then feel this invisible but real force for me, help me to get up. I blow, put a weak smile on my face and ask Jaison to take me in his arms, that I need him and that I don't want him to abandon me too. He promises me this by giving me thousands of kisses all over my face even on the lips and even lingers, I cling with all my strength to him, to this exchange that I so badly need.

I need Jaison, I've always needed him. Failing to have the attention of the one I wanted frantically. It was always there when I wasn't well for relation to our mutual friend. Always there to defend me when I thought Tobias was always the one, he would defend first. He's my confidant, my brother. We are just two people who love each other too much not to prove it to each other, we like to tease each other and have a closeness like I have with Jaison, I do not want it with anyone, it is an extraordinary friendship and without limit. When he finally takes me in his arms, let him hug me as hard as he can, I feel good, loved and protected.

Today, he told me that he had defended me, Driss and Emilio too. I have proof that I mean something to them, that I'm not alone, that I'm loved, and just for that I know I deserve to live. I deserve to put joy in the lives of my loved ones and to be myself.

"You're great mi amor and I’ll always be there. He whispers in my ear as he dries the tears that run down my cheeks. I wouldn't let you go. Someone told me that if one day someone was led to say that, it is not worth it. 

-      Thank you, Jai'. I say, sniffing loudly.

-      Aaaaaaah but you're disgusting, blow your a*s. He said, making a disgusted pout by pushing me away from him who has the chic to make me leave in a laugh. I like you like that, Melo.

It starts to rain and I start laughing feeling Jaison's gaze on me while I dance in the rain like crazy, making all sorrows disappear, letting the raindrops flow down my face, breathing in tears again knowing that the only thing I have to do is continue what I have built.

-      I love you. I say, all wet and smiling.

-      I love you too, forever. He laughs sincerely.

-      And even more! I answered by opening my arms and turning on myself, like a little girl.

-      yes, well we can go home because we're going to get pneumonia with your."

**

11 a.m.

We made a detour through the lockers because Jai it has, luckily, spares business since we are soaked from the feet to the head. He throws me one of his soft sweaters from his gym bag that I love and goes to the toilet to put on a jog and says sweater. When I come out, he is wearing black jeans and another of those sweaters but blue while mine is red.

We cross the corridors to reach the drawing room, where the students have already entered. Jaison won't let go of me, he's so careful of me and I'm grateful. It may be a little too heavy and caring but I am happy to have it by my side. And I confess that it reassures me that it is like that because I feel in my heart anger when I enter the room because I know I will meet Tobias. It's a huge room with rows of tables glued to be groups of 8. All ready for the color study course, we go to a table, where Laurie is already installed and we wait for the teacher. I really like colorimetry and when I was younger, I loved to sit in the grass of the Goldsmiths with Austin on his lap to contemplate Tobias who was already starting to paint. I can't forget those moments despite the pain I still feel in me. It's still too fresh.

The teacher is making groups for this week's class. It separates me from Jai' but I'm lucky enough to be with Laurie again, which is a good point. Unfortunately, he decides to put us Niall who is a guy from the football team but also Tobias. 

My god... Sure, the gods have something against me, I'm sure now.

I do not know how I find the strength not to flinch and cry like a madeleine and specially to leave the room but I quickly understand that what I feel is a deep hatred for him. I turn my head back to find Jaison's look, which simply smiles with encouragement, miming that everything is going to be fine and that I am strong. Anyway, I know Laurie's here with me. She quickly realized that I was aware of the confusion and paid attention to my every move. Too cute.

Our teacher quickly makes us the program today and asks us to start thinking about what we want to reproduce for next week by adding that we need to bring our material because we will start the gouache. I exchange a look with Laulau before making my imagination work and come up with ideas for next week. The idea is to find a quote and represent it with a realistic drawing. Laurie leans over her phone to find a proverb while I search my photo gallery since I have a lot of them.

After finding the perfect quote and presenting my idea to the teacher, he tells me that he likes the idea and that I can start the sketch before painting.

What annoys me during the class is that Niall keeps talking with Tobias and just because he has a nice face doesn't mean I won't let him understand my anger. En more he is next to me so I take my kit and tap it in front of him without making too much noise not to alert the teacher but strong enough that he is surprised.

"Can you please stop yawning? You're worse than a girl, work a little. I tell him then that he turns to hold me to account. 

-      I'm sorry, I didn't think I'd make that much noise. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

-      Thank you. I answered, dry."

Moments later.

« Psitt... Melora? 

-      Yes? I say, taking on me under the amused gaze of my best friend while I'm drawing on my canvas.

-      I'm having a party tonight; will you want to come with your band ?

-      If I say yes, shut up. I say with a laugh, but I'm serious.

-      Ahaha very funny. I'm sending you my address through Insta.

-      No problem, don't worry, we'll be ALL there. I say, insisting on "us" knowing full well that Sasha, placed next to my best friend, had followed everything."

The teacher announces the end of the class and I hurried to leave the table by grabbing Lau's arm so that we can quickly leave and tell the boys the news. Jaison takes me away from her by taking me by the shoulders and the three of us go to the lockers.

We quickly spot the rest of the group, already sitting at our table. I sit between Driss and Eidan in the middle of a conversation about the next workout. I immediately take Emilio in my arms, trying not to cry as he slips that Jaison explained to me for the fight, he serves me against him by telling me that he is always present for the damsels in distress and I laugh when wiping away a tear.

"Well! We are party tonight, guys! I say, overexcited as Emilio and Jaison sit near Auxalia and Laurie moves to the left of Eidan. 

-      Oh, but that's super cool! Our first night, it was time! Emilio exclaims, which amazes no one.

-      Great! Who's at home? Asks me this one, full of tomato sauce on the mouth.

-      Aaah wipes your mouth, you're going to put me all over the place to talk to me so close! I was laughing, pushing him.

-      Niall's. Answer in my place Laurie.

-      But that's great! What time do you guys finish? Rubs Auxalia's hands, playful.

-      I finish at 3:00.

-      I finish at 3:30 like Melo. Announce Harmony.

-      I didn't finish until 4pm, I was going to offer to go home.

-      No don't worry I propose instead that we prepare at each other's house and that you be our driver tonight darling. Propose Lau by making cockers eyes to our best friend.

-      It's working! I don't intend to drink anymore so bah need to look at me right now. Lia replies with a wink.

-      Is it okay, the girl’s minute is over? Laugh Eidan, which earned him two pats behind the head by me and Laurie but which made the whole table laugh."

I see that Brett’s g**g has just  arrived. Hatred begins to mount when I see Tobias turn his head towards the boys who laugh at Harmony's disgusted face who moves away from Auxalia who wants to give him a kiss filled with tomato sauce on the cheek.

Why don't you look here stupid? Do you regret your choices? Had to think before dirty ...

I feel Driss put his arms around my shoulders and hear him whispering to me that we are moving outside. I thank him so I will   not have the opportunity to think about him. We agree to go outside to get some air since it no longer rains. I tell them I'm joining them. I have an idea behind my head and Jaison guessed it perfectly since he beckons me that he is waiting for me in front of the entrance of the café, wanting to see my plan and put his lips on my forehead.

I empty my tray in the trash but keep my soda barely touched in the hand and head to the "popular» table.

They all start looking at me and the further I go; the more adrenaline flows through my veins and I love it. Arrived at Tobias' side, I wait no longer and spill all my soda on it, just above his head. If I’m an ola of shocked howls and a recoil from his blond pouffiasseand the soda now empty, I lean towards him, noticing that he has not moved an inch but that his clenched fist proves to me that he is holding back, and swings at him: 

"If it's not your girlfriend who gets it, I'd rather it be you because I happen to have ended my life."

I get up, tossing Maddison by throwing the empty can on his lap.

As I take the path to Jaison, Damian's gaze does not leave me and he increases the adrenaline I have in me. Arriving at the door, my friend claps me while the rest of the cafeteria, looks at me subjugated and especially applauding me and I confess that the action I have just done pleases me the most.

I deserved it.

Totally.

Tobias.

I've always loved

for two, I’ve been out of my feelings for two. When I needed him, he didn't see him and I decided to let him go... I want to forget it, I gave everything, and even forgiven...

I've waited too long. 

Melora.