Deja Vu Love

Anxiety Before Bed

I arrive home and quickly pull out my phone. I’m hoping he sent me a message. Nothing is on my phone yet and I let out a disappointed sigh. I grab my backpack and head inside. My mom is chilling on the couch watching a movie in the dark. It is weird seeing her but she really doesn’t look that different despite being in the past. She looks engrossed in her show so I briefly greet her and kiss her forehead before heading into my room. She let me know I was okay to swim and hang out in town tomorrow and she gave me the okay to take a $20 out of her purse before I go. I thanked her and brought my stuff to my room.

It’s still very unreal to be in my childhood bedroom. I rummage through my things for a brief moment and then my phone buzzes. It’s a message from Trenton, “are you able to join us tomorrow?”

I reply back and indicated my mother said I could. Oh man, that means I need to figure out what to wear. My anxiety about showing my body is incredibly high. However, my mind from the future steps in and says to be proud because it’s an amazing body. Ugh, this battle in my head is giving me a giant headache. I get distracted by hearing my phone buzz excessively. I must have received multiple messages. I look at my phone and I received messages from both Trenton and Kyle.

Trenton indicated he looked forward to seeing me tomorrow and said the pool opens at 11am if we want to meet then. I reply back confirming that works for me. Kyle’s message says, “hey.” I feel butterflies forming in my stomach as I prepare to reply.

I reply back, “hey, whatcha doing?” I wait patiently for him to reply but I do still need to figure out what I’m wearing tomorrow. So, I head to my dresser to look for my bathing suits. I found one bikini that should work for tomorrow. It has a white base with large peach colored flowers on the top and bottom. Now I must find a top and shorts. It’s challenging to dress my younger self but I’m slowly getting somewhere. My phone buzzes finally and I quickly grab it to see what he says.

“I’m currently hanging out with Trenton watching a movie. He won’t stop talking about you and it makes it hard to focus.” Kyle messaged. That certainly must be weird for him knowing I like him and want to be his. I ponder for a moment to think of a clever response.

“What makes it hard to focus? Hmmm?” I send back to him. Okay, back to looking through my shirts. I think I will play it safe and I’ll wear a sports t-shirt. Now for shorts, I’m going to stick with the classics and grab my jean shorts. Now that I’m all set I can lay down and message on my phone before I fall asleep. I must have missed Kyle’s message when it arrived.

“Well, it just reminds me of how bad I want you. How I want to feel your body again and the warmth of your lips.” His message made me blush and bite my lip.

I reply, “jeez, you gotta stop making me blush.”

“Why? I enjoy making you squirm in more ways than one lol.” He replies back. He must be laying down as well with his messages appearing faster. Biting my lip I begin to formulate my response.

“I wish you were with me right now.” I send him.

He replies, “just wait my little kitten, you will have a big day tomorrow.”

I reply, “what is that supposed to mean?”

He responded, “I guess you will have to wait and see. Now go to bed and dream about me kitten.” Dang it, I really like it when he tells me what to do like that. It’s difficult to fall asleep though. What if this ends and I’m back in my future self? I don’t know what is going on but there is no way I’m done yet.

I reply, “I guess I will because you told me to but make sure you dream about me as well.” I’m not surprised that I’m tired but my mind continues to race. The battle of my past and future mindset are taking place again. I’m not sure if I can get it to stop. I suppose I can think about tomorrow. It will be weird to be the only girl for awhile until Chloe is done with her chores. Perhaps I will just focus on being coy and seeing where that gets me. I do enjoy being flirty as well but they both want me. They both can’t have me, can they?