Borrowed Affection

1.A Quiet Ache

The sound of spoon clamping together and the smell of hot cocoa from the kitchen was what I woke up to. Definitely mom was up to something, and hopefully this time she made breakfast for me. I pulled off the soft blanket,slowly and dragged myself out of bed, I got to the kitchen, and as always, she was done, already still seated,eating and sipping that cocoa from her'mother of the year mug'her phone next to her for work or she's either scrolling through social media the air grew thick, guess, your thing is ever since dad died a year ago, mom has been even more strict and mean. Oh, how I miss dad.

"Good morning, mum," I said, trying to ease the thickness in the air. Without looking up, she responded with, "You woke up late again," arghh. Since when has waking up by my preferred time being late? "I had a long night, stayed up reading and trying to figure things out," her response was off, sharp, dismissing, and almost weird, like I'm not her daughter.

Mom and I never really had the best form of mother–daughter relationship, but we were better, and after dad's death a year ago, it became worse. It's weekend, and I don't have anything to do. I don't have friends except Ella oh my girl she's got my back since we were little and she still got me now, a new week is approaching and I suddenly remember I have a project for school which would cost me little but I need more money so I'm gonna make up an amount,money isn't an issue for us dad left us and impressive amount of money and mom's work pays really well, and since I don't have a job, more like mom won't let me get a job at nineteen!!! I have to ask her.

"Mom, can you help me with a hundred bucks?"she finally looks at me. Blue sharp eyes. If she isn't acting this way now, I would have complimented her,they are so beautiful, I have my dad's eyes. Green eyes. Green as a forest.

"What for?"

"$100. It's for school. I have a school project, and since you won't let me get a job, I need the money." And without asking further questions, she slips the money on the table, and that was the end of it no further discussion. Just that,it's always weird short conversations.

Happy I now have money for myself I grab the note off the counter and turn off towards the hallway, padding my way through to my room. Back in my room and sitting at my table, I write in my journal like I always do. It feels like my safe space, and I'd have a better relationship with it than I do with any other person except Ella. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a mom who shows up to your room to talk with you, makes you breakfast, and greets you with a smile or gives you hugs without a reason,my mom does neither of those I remember our last hug was during ome of our visits to our cabin with dad.

Laying stretched out on my bed, staring at the ceiling, my phone buzzes with a message from Ella, and I immediately brighten up.

"Hi, Carl. I'm out. Meet me at our café."I checked the time and it's just 12:00pm perfect!

The café has being like a home for us. Since we were little and we still go there, it holds so much memories for Ella and I