Let Me Love You

I’m Sorry

WREN

“Just put it on the counter before you leave.” Nash says as he ascends the stairs, whiskey in hand.

What the actual f**k just happened?? That situation escalated from zero to sixty in three seconds flat.

I don’t even have time to react when I hear Layla on the other end of the phone. I push my eyebrows together and give Nash a look that I’m sure reads as pissed off.

“Lay, I need you to come get me.” I sigh into the phone.

“What’s wrong? Where are you? Are you hurt?! What did he do?!” Layla fires off rapidly.

“I’m fine, we can discuss it on the way home, just please come pick me up.”

I give Layla the address and we hang up. I know its going to take a good fifteen minutes before she gets here. I set the phone on the island and stand there contemplating what to do.

I consider following Nash upstairs and giving him a piece of my mind, but I decide against it. After five minutes of staring at the wall, I decide to wait on the front porch. I let myself out making sure the door slams with a deep thud as I close it. f*****g asshole.

I take a seat on the cement steps resting my chin on my knees. I wrap my arms around my legs and begin to count down the minutes until I can get away here.

I begin to go over what just happened in my head, trying to figure out exactly what I did wrong. One minute we were talking about Halloween, and then the next minute he shut me down completely.

His childhood sounded rough to say the least. I couldn’t even fathom going though what he went through and I guessing that’s just the tip of the iceberg. But I thought we shared this connection. Why did he feel as though he couldn’t open up to me? I’m a pretty understanding person. I can sit back and be partial about a subject, listen to what needs to be said.

I’m so lost in my own mind I don’t even hear Layla pull into the driveway. It takes her rolling down the car window and yelling my name to get my attention.

Startled, I hope off the steps and make my way to the passengers side. I open up the door and slump down in my seat with a loud humph. Layla backs out of the driveway and begins the journey home.

“Wanna talk about it?” She asks looking at me over the brim of her sunglasses

“Yes… No… I don’t know.” I say, running my hand through my hair.

“We were having such a good time, and then out of nowhere he was asking me to leave.” I say quickly.

“Why would he do that? Give me some context Wren.” She says, making a left hand turn.

“Well, we were joking around, talking about Halloween costumes, and when I asked him about his favorite one as a child he started on the rant about how he never dressed up, and his mom and dad, and foster care.” I throw my hands up in the air.

“And then he pulls out a bottle of whiskey and tells me he’s going to call and Uber, and when I told him no, he told me he wanted me to leave.” I slam my body back into the seat, crossing my arms over my chest.

“The man has issues, I knew I should have avoided him.” I say looking out the window as trees fly by.

“Wow, that seems pretty stressful. But Wren…” Layla trails off

“What?” I ask snapping my head in her direction.

“Well it sounds like he may have been through some shit.”

“So?” I say incredulously.

“So maybe he didn’t want to talk about it. You have a habit of pushing people, not everyone’s life is an open book.” She says giving me a worried smile.

“Well he could have handled it completely differently. Who just throws someone out because they don’t want to talk about something. We could have changed the subject, or I don’t know, something.”

“I’m not saying he handled this isn’t super f****d up, but you don’t know exactly what he’s been through. Everyone processes trauma differently, and maybe he deals with it by shutting down.” She shrugs her shoulders.

“When did you become the voice of reason?” I let out a laugh that’s less than amused.

“I just tell it like it is.” Layla says and she pulls onto my street.

“I don’t know Wren, I’m not saying he doesn’t owe you a big fat apology, but maybe don’t nail him to the cross about this just yet.”

God, I hate it when she’s right. It’s one of her most annoying traits, always being right. Layla parks in front of my apartments and turns off the car.

“Are you coming in?” I ask c*****g an eyebrow.

“You bet your ass I am. We still need to discuss the fact that you were sleeping in bed with a NAKED man this afternoon missy.” Layla exclaims with an all knowing look.

I release a groan and we make our way up to the top floor of the building. We walk through the door and not even one second after I set down my purse, Layla starts her interrogation.

“So how was it?? How was he? Were you safe? Does he have a big-“

I cut her off.

“I don’t remember.” I say curtly

“What do you mean you don’t remember?” She looks at me confused.

“Well, last night when he walked me home we started playing a drinking game, and one thing led to another. It’s all a bit…fuzzy?” I say meekly, a little embarrassed.

“Wait, last night? I thought you two had s*x at his house this afternoon?”

“We did.” I look in any direction except at her.

“WREN.” Layla looks at me with wide eyes as a s**t eating grin spreads across her face.

“What?” I groan.

“A drunken one night stand, that turned into a nooner.” She begins to make bowing motions in my direction.

“Oh piss off. It’s not going to happen again. It was a mistake, and the next time I have s*x, it will be with a boyfriend, not some random tattooed ruffian.” I huff.

Layla bursts out laughing. It so contagious that I can’t help but begin to giggle with her. We sit there laughing for at least ten minutes before we can catch our breath.

We decide to order in for dinner, and make a girls night out of it. The Tap Room is closed on both Sundays and Mondays, so we have tomorrow off as well.

We sit, eating our Chinese food while watching the the entire twilight series. I fill Layla in on all the little snippets that I can remember from last night. I also include this mornings steamy shower, how we made brunch together, and the sexcapades of this afternoon. She nods along as I sort through all of my feelings surrounding it.

Minus the post movie blowup, the entire time I spent with Nash was incredible. He was so easy to talk to, until he wasn’t. The passion was there, and I had to admit to myself that the man was gorgeous. Not to forget, also pretty successful. But did I want to start with something with a person who was that emotionally unavailable? I wasn’t sure.

Halfway through Eclipse we were passing out in my bed. I snuggle into my pillow and close my eyes.

“Thank you for being such a good friend Lay.” I grumble out, the words muffled by my pillow.

“It’s what sisters do.” Layla says, half asleep.

And we both drift off.

………………………………………………

The next day I am woken up by a very hungry Larry. I roll off the bed, and fill up his partially empty bowl before making my way into the bathroom. I do my business before making my way back to bed.

I flop onto the blanket, begging sleep to overtake me again. Layla is still out cold. I don’t think we went to bed until after three in the morning, something our bodies have adjusted to while working at the bar. It’s currently seven thirty in the morning, so if I don’t get more shut eye, this day is going to be long.

I lay there for another thirty minutes before I realize that I am wide awake. I curse to myself as I roll back out of bed and decide to take a shower. As I lift off the dress I had on yesterday, I can smell Nash’s scent all over it. I pull it the rest of the way off and crumple it in a ball, throwing it to the floor.

I wash my body only, with having curly hair, I try to only wash it twice a week or it gets too dry. I step out and dry off. Looking in at my clothes, I decide to keep it comfy today, donning a pair of black bike shorts and a dark grey band t shirt. The Killers, my all time favorite. I grab the box of dry cereal and sit down on the couch, towel still wrapped around my head when I hear knock at my door.

I wasn’t expecting anyone, and Layla is currently passed out on my bed, so I’m left wondering who the hell is here this early. I pull myself off the couch and make my way to the door, box of cereal still in hand.

Opening it I see a very rough looking Nash. His hair is sticking up all over the place and he has dark circles under his dull blue eyes.

“Hey.” He says looking at me intently.

“Hello.” I say dryly.

“Can we talk?” He asks quietly.

“So now you want to have a conversation?” I scoff. Who does he think he is?

“Wren.” Nash says to me with pleading eyes.

I roll mine back at him and step out into the hallway closing the door behind me. he c***s his head to the side, looking between me and the door.

“Layla’s sleeping inside.” I say answering his unasked question.

Nash nods his head in understanding and looks me dead in the eyes.

“I’m sorry about yesterday. I didn’t handle the situation the way I should have, and for that I am sorry. It’s not something I talk about, and I didn’t want to say anything that I might regret later. Obviously that didn’t work out in my favor…” he says with a low chuckle.

“Yeahhh… it definitely did not.” I say tight lipped.

“So hear me out, I know you have zero reason to accept my apology, but I don’t have to meet with my client until ten. Would you like to grab a cup of coffee with me? Let me make it up to you? Please.” Nash pulls his lower lip into a pout, his eyes pleading me to accept.

“Okay, fine. Just let me brush my hair and I’ll be right out.” I say.

I turn and open my door, closing it behind me before he can mistake an invitation inside. I quickly pull a brush through my hair, misting it with a spray bottle to preserve my curls. I add some concealer under my eyes, and a layer of mascara.

I tip toe past a still sleeping Layla.I make sure to write a note and attach it to the coffee pot, I know Layla won’t miss it. She’s a caffeine addict if anything. Grabbing my purse and sliding on my white adidas, I make my way out the door.

“Okay, you’re on the clock. You can start kissing my ass now.” I laugh as I close the door behind me.

“You look beautiful, as always.” Nash smiles as he reaches for my hand.

“You’ve only known me for like, forty-eight hours.” I scoff. “This could be a fluke weekend for me.”

“You could wear a potato sack and still look beautiful Wren.” He smiles at me and its the most genuine I’ve ever seen him.

I can feel heat creep up my face as I grab is still outstretched hand and lace my fingers with his. Nash gives my hand a gentle squeeze and he begins to guide me down the hall, towards the stairwell.

We make our way outside and I look around for his bike, coming up empty in my search.

“Where’s your bike?” I ask still searching.

“At home.” Nash says as he lets go of my hand and begins to open the passengers side door to the large black truck in front of me.

“Oh, so you’re also a truck man?” I ask with a giggle to my voice.

“We live in Michigan Wren, I can’t drive my bike all year round.” He laughs.

“I guess, but you didn’t really spark me as a truck guy either.” I shrug my shoulders as I hop into the seat.

Nash closes the door behind me and makes his way into the drivers seat. He starts the truck and pulls away from the road.

“Well, I go to a lot of construction sights for work. Plus I travel a lot so I like having the truck for the winter months, it’s a lot safer. Also, I camp a lot, and I snowmobile and ride dirt bikes, so I needed something that can pull a trailer.” He explains.

“That makes a lot of sense, I didn’t know you rode snowmobiles. I’ve been riding since I was a kids.”

“It’s a newer hobby but yeah, I usually head a few hours north where there’s more trails, you’ll have to come with me sometime.” Nash says with a smile.

“I’d like that.” I say smiling back.

We pull up in front of a coffee house not far from my apartment. Nash gets out and opens the door for me, helping me down to the sidewalk.

We walk inside and we order our drinks. I settle on an iced chai with almond milk, and Nash gets a plain black coffee. We opt to split a banana nut muffin and find a table in a secluded corner.

“So, do you want to talk about what happened yesterday?” I ask between bites of muffin.

“Not really, but I’ll try.” He says before taking a sip of his coffee.

“Okay, I’ll try not to interrupt.” I give him a sympathetic smile, knowing how this conversation ended yesterday. Anything is better than nothing.

“I don’t talk about my childhood Wren. It wasn’t good, and that’s the understatement of the year.” Nash sighs.

I nod my head in reassurance, and place my hand over his. After a beat I give it a gentle squeeze encouraging him to continue.

“Anytime it gets brought up, I can feel myself shut down. I get mean, I say things out of spite. I drink, because it’s the only thing I’ve tried that helps me forget.” He rubs his thumb over my hand and looks away from me.

“ I asked you to leave because I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to say something that I couldn’t take back. If you weren’t there, you’d be safe from any outburst, or from watching me drink myself into oblivion…” Nash swallows making his Adam’s apple bob up and down.

“I know we just met, but I really like you Wren. I don’t usually connect like this with people. I don’t do dates, or feelings, or apologies. Though since the day I saw you at that bistro I haven’t gotten you out of my mind.” He smiles at me and I can feel my heart begin to race.

“Wow.” Is the only thing I can muster at this point.

He seems as though he’s telling the truth. There’s a strong sense of emotion in his voice and it makes me wonder: am I having the same feelings?

“If you’re willing, I’d like to explore this; you and me.” Nash says with all the vulnerability in the world.

“We don’t have to put a label on it, just two people having fun and getting to know each other.” He smiles.

“Okay.” I answer.

I take a bite of muffin and dust the crumbs off my hands.

“But I want you to be honest with me. If We’re getting to know each other, I want to know it all. The good, the bad, the ugly. If this is eventually going to go anywhere we can’t be blind. I want to open all the baggage,not just the carry on.” I say matter of factly.

“Deal.” Nash says extending a hand toward me.

I reach my hand back to him and we shake on it.

“To new adventures.” I say raising my tea.

“To new adventures.” Nash returns.