All Night

Losing a man

Lucille

“You need a day off. After we visit Pablo, you can do whatever you'd like to do.” he says and usually this would make me really happy. Under different conditions.

I would be glad to have a day off and just read or study or watch some tv. Especially because it's a cloudy day and it looks like it's going to rain.

I really love these kind of nights and I'm thankful that tonight is one of these. I also don't have a problem with seeing Pablo anymore. I actually need to talk to him.

I look at him and nod.

My throat is still sore. I cover my face with my hands and take a few deep breaths to mentally prepare myself.

I’m dead to everyone who knew me.

I'm not alive anymore. Not for them.

I hope it was credible enough. I wish we would've thought about this earlier. I feel like everything is going to be easier right now.

It's like my mistakes are finally going to stop chasing me. My past died as well. At least that's what I'd like to believe. It'll take some time until everything sets and then everything will be fine again.

He looks like he doesn't know what to say. I don't know what to say either. He cleans his throat.

“I'll bring you some food and something warm for your throat and then… We'll see.” he says and leaves. It's surprising me how caring he is. I feels like last night changed him. He’s more supportive and less mean. I like that and I appreciate that he’s there for me during such a hard time.

I knew he would have a soul and be nice when it gets serious. I knew he wouldn't be as bad as he acted like. Nobody is. Everybody needs a little bit of love and a push. I have to smile.

After I visit the bathroom and wash my face, I put something comfortable on.

He walks in with food and tea. He looks down at me and stops for a second. I keep looking at him because I don’t understand what’s wrong. He's looking at my legs. At the huge butterfly on my thigh. I have many but he likes this one.

I know that because a crooked smile places his lips and when I got it he kept smiling all the time. I don't know why this makes him so happy but it gives it something special. It gives it a meaning. It connects us.

He shakes his head and puts the tray on my bed. I feel tired and exhausted. I don't feel like talking so I just sit down and start eating in silence.

He leans his elbows on his knees like always and looks out of the window.

I can't help but stare at him. I remember the first day I saw him. How amazed I was by him, his jaw, his eyes and even the way he was standing.

His side profile makes my head spin. I’m still amazed by him and I always will be.

I never thought that it would come to this point. How could I expect to end up here; only because I was so attracted to him in that tiny moment? I'm asking myself what would've happened if I would've taken another path or just would've kept walking, without looking at him. It would’ve been impossible.

Walking along there, without looking at him would’ve been impossible. Even the days where he was violent... Now he's barely touching me. It's crazy how fast everything has changed. I wish I would know what this between us is.

We're kinda close but distant at the same time. I mean, I'm sure we're not even friends and we never will be more than this. Maybe it's better like this. More would confuse and ruin everything.

Toni

It's stupid how I can't control myself. Everything is changing too fast and I don't like that. I can't change. Even if I would try. I’ve tried it so many times because I came to the point of having to change so many times but I always failed. Probably because I don’t want to.

I did things that prove that I'm confused. Stroking her head and bringing her food. What am I doing?

I've only been nice because Pablo told me to be nice. I still don't know why he wanted that but I tried my best. Maybe a little more than I have to.

The only problem is that I don't know how to be nice and that I'm the total opposite. I really tried my best to not show her but I'm afraid that she might see my real face soon. I can't explain myself why I'm so good to her but that bothers me and I need to lose it.

Who am I kidding? I'm lying to myself.

Lucille

“If you keep eating so slow, then we'll probably leave tomorrow.” he says and I roll my eyes. That's him. That's exactly what I meant with he's confusing me. That's exactly why he's confusing me but I guess his hours of being nice are already over. The real red hood is back. Okay. I can deal with that.

I swallow my last piece and put the tray on my desk.

Then I change my clothes again. This time into something comfortable that will keep me warm. It seems cold outside.

Winter is coming and I'm ready for it. Feeling how the weather changes and the world keeps spinning makes me feel good. It makes me feel alive.

“Are you ready?” he asks and stands up. I nod. Tonight I rather not talk unless I have to. When we arrive, Pablo he seems happy to see me. I try to smile. We sit down and he looks at us.

“I'm proud of you both. You've done big things.” he says. Red hood nods. He looks like he's thinking about something else. He’s not here. Not mentally. I'm asking myself what he's thinking about. He seems mad again.

I thought it would be weird how fast my moods are changing but when I look at him, I realize that I'm not alone with that.

Pablo leans in. “I told you, you're special.” he says with a devilish smile. I remember that as well. He told me that I would be special. I got mad about that. Especially when he told me how important I would be but now I see that he didn't lie.

Obviously I was really important since he had to plan this all, only for me. He could’ve just killed me or sent me into another country. Why would someone like him plan something so big with me? Kidnapping me and letting the world think I'm dead, instead of just really killing me and finding another girl or doing something else that would be easier because he can't take the risk to get caught? Why would someone do that?

I smile. Just like him. “You proved us how much you love your family. You would do anything for them.” he says and I nod. He leans back and looks at the painting on the wall, across from him. He slowly frowns.

He's right. I would do anything for them. Even kill myself. I already went too far, I can go even further if I have to.

“To people you are dead now. That will make a lot easier and more difficult at the same time.” I knew it.

I already thought about that. I look at red hood. He's still not looking at any of us. What is he thinking about?

“You are one of us. You are the most important one. We need to hide you but get you among the people at the same time.” he explains but I don’t understand yet. Why am I so important? I know that there's something behind this and I'll find out but there’s still time…

“Although the people in this business don't know about Lucille, the missing girl, we need to be careful. You're our secret weapon.” I can barely understand what he wants to say. We need to get to the point. It's fine. As long as everything is set now.

I nod again and sit up straight. “Are you going to leave my family alone now?” I ask with a raw and raspy voice. The first words I said today. Red hood looks at me, eyes wide open and I clear my throat but it burns. I'm shocked at my voice too. I sound like a man.

“Of course.” Pablo says, not surprised about my voice at all. I want to know it… “Your family doesn't have anything to do with this all anymore. You're free.” he says and in a little corner of my heart I feel relieved with the words he says but something is still bothering me. I'm free… It sounds amazing but I know I'm not.

“With that, I mean that we can trust you...” he seems so happy and proud about this. As if this is the best thing ever. I probably made his day. Or his whole month.

I raise both of my eyebrows.

“What if somebody recognizes me?” it's still possible that people can recognize me. He answers, laughing “Don't worry, we'll handle that.” I look away. I don’t even want to know what he means.

“Nobody talks as long as they get what they want. Leave that to us.” he says and I nod. He's right. There's nothing that money can't solve.

I give myself a few seconds to think about it. This could be cool. I'll be undercover but known at the same time. It's a little confusing but I'm already used to that. I don't have to understand every single thing that’s going on.

“That’s good...” I say and Pablo looks at red hood. “Don't you think so too, son?” he asks. Red hood already told me that he's not really his son but I know there's something thicker between them than blood…

He winces like he was sleeping with open eyes. Maybe he's only tired. I can understand that. He was there for me all night.

“Of course… Amazing. Great.” he answers, nodding and hoping that he'll believe him. Who is he trying to convince? Himself or Pablo? What is wrong with him?

“Good. Lucille, would you give us a second? You can wait downstairs.” he says. I nod and stand up. I think he must've noticed how distracted he was.

I hope it’s nothing bad but it's always like this. He's always having a little talk with him after me. I exit the room and walk down.

Toni

I lean in. I guess it's getting serious now. He stands up, turns around and looks out of the window. It's even more serious than I thought.

I furrow my eyebrows. Something must be wrong or something is changing…

I hope it's nothing serious about her or that someone else will take care of her from now on. My blood pressure gets higher. Why? This has nothing to do with this situation.

“I'm getting married in a few months.” he says and I choke on my own spit. I put a hand on my heart because I feel like I’m getting a heart attack.

He turns around, while I still cough because I choked on my own spit and try to catch my breath. He can't be serious. This man can't be serious. This would be the last thing that he would ever do. The last thing I’d expect him to say.

A thousand thoughts run through my head. Why? Who’s the bride? What is going to happen after it? Will he give everything up?

I'm still not sure if I heard it right. When the hell did he meet someone? Since when is he meeting this woman and when did he decide to marry her? What made him propose to her?

Damn, we're losing this man? This could destroy everything. This could ruin this whole organization. This could ruin him. He's not an emotional man. He can't tell me he fell in love. He's my hero, I can't lose him.

Does this woman even know what he's doing and who he is or is she getting married with him because she knows it all? Isn't he too old to get married or build a family?

I stand up at look at him with a dropped jaw.

“You are here for such a long time now, you deserve to know more than you think.” he says and I close my eyes. I don't understand what's going on. I need a moment to regroup.

He needs to explain this detailed, clearly and slowly for me so I can understand what's actually happening, before I get a damn heart attack.