All Night

The damage

Toni

“You're going to stay here.” he says and I frown in confusion. There's no other place I could visit right now because I’m obviously locked here. Of course I will stay here but I won’t tell him that. I won’t talk because whenever I do that, I get hurt. 

But why does he say that? It means he’s going to leave…

He pulls out a knife and my heart drops again. What else could he be carrying with him? A bomb? Is he going to stab me now? It’s obvious that I’ll be surprised many times through this.

He gets behind me and cuts the cable ties around my wrists. He’s not going to stab me. Luckily. 

I slowly turn around and look at him while I massage my wrists. They already turned purple and they hurt a lot but I feel better now. At least a little bit because the tied situation made me feel claustrophobic. 

He bends down and frees my ankles as well.

Before he backs up again, I feel how he is sliding his hand up, against my skin between my legs… Slowly and softly. I shiver and clench my fists. I know that he will kill me if I hit him but I don’t want him to touch me. I’d rather stay tied than be touched by him but I can’t deny that the way he's touching me makes me feel something that I shouldn’t feel. No. I will not be a victim of the Stockholm syndrome.

He puts the knife away. 

“Don't even try to escape because there's no place you can go. Not even when you exit this door. Nobody will hear you scream so go easy on your vocal cords.” he says, as if he has done this a hundred times. This is nothing to him. He has probably already done worse things. 

I look at the door. Now I'm curious about what's behind it. I feel like there are more rooms or even people. It’s definitely not the exit of this place. 

He walks to the door and I realize what’s actually happening right now. He will leave me alone here, in the dark. The light that’s coming from the lightbulb doesn’t count. It won’t help me in any way if I’m alone. No matter how cruel he is, he is there and I don’t want him to leave. He’s the only person I have right now. I don’t want to be alone in this room. I start to panic because here aren't even windows that could let some light in. 

He pulls out the card that was stuck into a slit, next to the door. I didn’t even notice that.  

I feel a heavy feeling in my chest. 

It’s like in hotel room. You pull the card out when you leave the room and all the electricity goes off in a few seconds. 

He gives me one last look and closes the door behind him. I hear how he locks it and in the next second everything turns pitch black.

I can't even see my hands. It's like I'm blind and with every second that I feel like I lost my eyesight, I start to panic even more. I'm not used to darkness. Not even a little bit.

Tears roll down my cheek. I can survive everything but not darkness. Not alone..

“No, you can't leave me alone here…” I say, more to myself than to him because he can’t hear me. It’s already on the other side of the door. I start shaking. I’ll probably die of anxiety and he won’t even notice. He doesn’t know what he’s doing to me with this.

“No, please don’t leave me alone!” I scream, hoping he didn’t already leave and that he will hear me. Hoping he will have mercy. I’m too scared to even move and try the door handle.

“Don’t leave me alone here. I’m begging you!” I add, between my tears. Maybe there’s someone else on the other side who will help me… At least that’s what I hope. I already mentioned that I will beg him if I have to. I’ll do it again.

“You can’t do this to me! Please stay.” this is a nightmare and it makes me desperate. No matter how much I hate him, I need him to stay, otherwise I'm going to freak out. I’d even go with him. Doesn’t matter where he goes, I’d just follow him, as long as I won’t be alone.

I try to turn on the light again but it's not working. Of course it’s not working. I get even more frustrated. He is right. Nobody is going to hear me scream, no matter how loud I am. Nobody is going to save me. No windows, no air, no light, nobody, no chance to escape or to live. I start crying, hysterically. I don’t even know when he will be back, if he will let me starve here.

My anxiety pushes me and I stand up and run to the door. I start punching it and hitting against it. I know that I won’t get to break it open but I try until I get tired and lean my forehead against the door. 

“Please come back!” I shout, with my last bit of strength that I have left. I’m helpless and hopeless. The silence that follows after, tells me that this will not have a Happy End. He will not come back, nobody will find me and I won’t be able to deal with this. I’ll probably die here.  

I slowly get on my knees. I’m so tired. All these emotions and actions were so exhausting. I can’t even stand on my feet anymore.  

“Stay…” 

I close my eyes and imagine that I'm somewhere else. I think of another place. A warm, bright and cozy place. Home maybe. I picture myself in there and not in this cold room. I tell myself that everything will be alright and that I'll be back home, as soon as I open my eyes again because this all is a dream. This all is an illusion. I tell myself that I'll get out of this and that it is nothing... I can do this. I'm strong…

Tyler

“Dad, I swear to god, I don't know it!” I say, hoping that he will believe me because it’s the truth. “Tyler, it's already 9 o’clock and she's still not here! Where is she?” he raises his voice and I feel how my scalp starts burning because I understand why he is panicking. I’m panicking as well but I’m also irritated and I don’t know what tp do.

“She left and you didn't even try to stop her! Do you know what can happen to her while she’s in this state of mind?” 

I run my hands through my hair. He is right. I start peeling the skin of my lips. That’s what I always do when I get nervous and stressed. 

This all is moms fault. And mine. We were all wrong but she wasn’t. She definitely wasn’t and I hate myself for being so rude to her and giving her the faul for everything.

“I didn't even notice that she left!” I hate to admit it but I really didn’t notice it and now I’m scared and feel bad. That’s the outcome of my passiveness. 

Lucille left last night, after our argument and didn't come back. I thought I didn’t hear her come back because I was sleeping but when I wanted to wake her for school this morning I couldn’t find her. I thought we could talk and fix the problems between us or I could at least show her that I love her too and that I care but I only found her phone instead of her.

I even called Romy because I thought she already left for school but Romy told me that she didn’t… My chest is aching because I don’t know where she could be and I wish she would just come back home. Thinking of that it’s too late for me to show her affection and love, kills me. All I showed her was jealousy and hate… 

Romy also told me that they had an argument yesterday and that broke my heart. She already had a bad day and I made it worse. I didn’t even take one minute to listen to what’s going on in my sisters life. I never tried to understand her or asked her how her day went… Maybe she wanted to share her thoughts and get comforted but I didn't do any of that. All I did was make her feel guilty. 

“How didn’t you notice that your little sister left this house?” he screams at me and I hold my tears back. After mom left last night, I was so angry that I let it out on Lucille and then I was busy with my own thoughts and now I regret it.

Regret it the most awful thing on this planet right after hope. It eats you up because you know you can’t change what happened. All I can do is pray that she will come back home safe, after staying out a whole night…

“How was I supposed to notice it? I was angry at myself as well!” I give back, a little louder than planned. It’s unfair to give me the fault on it. I already feel guilty enough but it’s not like I’m guarding her door or watching her all the time. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm confused and afraid. Did she run away from us? Did somebody do something to her? Is that she reason why she won’t come back?

Hot tears roll down my cheeks but I wipe them away immediately. 

“Okay, we need to calm down. I'll call her school, you call all her friends and go to places that she could visit.” he says and I nod, hoping she'll come back or I'll find her... I'd do anything to find her.

Lucille 

“Lucille. Wake up.” That voice. Again. I have a big déjà-vu. 

He's shaking me, as if im a bag of potato chips. “Wake up!” he says. This time way rougher. I force myself to open my eyes and wince. My whole body hurts. Especially my neck. I quietly groan and look at him. He looks at me. As cold as always. I hate him more than anybody else in my life but I'm thankful that he's here again. It’s better than being alone. I don’t even know how much time I’ve spent alone and what time it is now. He murdered my sense of time.

“You left me alone in the darkness.” I say and notice how my voice is fading. He told me to not scream because nobody will hear me but I did it anyway. Now I understand why he said that. My throat is sore.

“I'm not your babysitter.” he frowns and I feel stupid for saying what I said. Why should he care? I wouldn’t care either. I'm not a princess and he's not a knight. And we're not in a high tower of a castle. He’s the devil and I’m the victim. 

“Stand up.” he says. I try to get myself back together and push myself up. My arms hurt. He looks down at me and so do I. I look so dirty that it makes me feel uncomfortable immediately but there are more important things than that right now. It’s not like I have the opportunity to take a shower and put on some fresh clothes and I doubt that he cares about my hygiene anyway.

“Take off your clothes.” he says, out of nowhere and my jaw drops. Did I hear this right? I’m definitely not going to take off my clothes in front of him or anything else that has something to do with me and him and me undressing.

“Take your f*****g clothes off. Or do you want me to help you?” he asks, taking a step towards me but I back off really fast. I quickly shake my head, holding my breath. I’m afraid that he will touch me again. He raises his brow, looking at me like 'did you just shake your head?'. I’m probably not even allowed to do that.

“I'm not interested in seeing you naked. You're going to take a shower.” he sounds totally annoyed and I feel relieved. Just a few seconds ago I thought I would have to walk around this. I really need a shower right now. “But… I can't take my clothes off in front of you.” I say, stuttering a little bit. He makes me nervous.

He sighs. “You're going to do it in front of other men sooner or later anyway.” my stomach drops at what he says. What does he mean with that? Of course I won't get naked in front of other men. Even the fact that he dares to say something like that is disgusting. Knowing that he even thinks about it is disgusting and disrespectful. I’m still asking myself what he meant with that.

“What do you mean?” I ask, getting angry. “What did I say? No questions.” he answers and I see that he’s already way angrier than me. He's in charge, I get it. 

I slowly walk to the bed and turn my back to him. First I take off my shirt and then my skirt. Standing in front of him like that is unbelievably embarrassing but I try to act like he’s not even here. He’d probably enjoy seeing me embarrassed and I don’t want to give him that.

I lay my clothes on the bed and cross my arms in front of my chest, before I turn around to him. He doesn’t have to see everything. He walks towards the wardrobe and gets two towels out. I didn’t even notice the other furniture pieces. While he's doing that, I take the chance and look around because I don’t want to get surprised anymore and I’d like to know what else this room has because I’ll probably stay here for a while and I haven’t payed attention to it yet.

This room is actually really scary. It's dirty and cold. Dark walls, dark ground. No windows… Almost no furniture. Only a bed, a wardrobe and another door. I’m an i***t. If I would’ve payed attention to that door, I wouldn’t have felt so lost but I doubt that it’s an exit because he doesn’t seem that stupid to leave it open. It must be the bathroom. I should’ve known it. I could’ve used it…

He hands me the towels and leads me to the door that I didn’t notice because I was blinded by my panic. 

He opens the door. It’s a bathroom. Just as I thought and I’m glad about it. I’m so relieved and happy that I’m almost about to thank him for letting me use it. It’s like a reward for staying alive while he was gone.

I walk in and turn around to him when he says “You have five minutes. Don't try to drown yourself or some s**t because not even that will get you out of this.” and I feel like he’s a worse version of Tyler. Every word that he says manages to make me feel worse. I didn't even think of something like this. Of course I'm not going to try to drown myself or harm myself in any other way but the fact that he said that I won't get out… Triggered me.

When I open my mouth to say something, he slams the door right in my face.

Toni

She needs to stop talking because her body might make me give her answers. It’s so beautiful. She is beautiful.

Seeing how shy and scared she is, almost makes me weak. She is perfect. I’m not feeling bad for her and I won’t treat her better than the others because I think she is pretty but I can’t deny that I’m attracted to her. She’s attracted to me as well. It’s obvious and she is stupid for that. If I wouldn't need her for this job, I would turn her into my personal wore. That’s how beautiful I find her..

Lucille

The hot water that drips down my body makes me realize some thing… Things that are hurtful and things that confuse me. 

Are dad and Tyler even looking for me? Did they notice that I disappeared and if yes, what do they feel and how are they going to find me? I’m asking myself if they will ever find me or if I’ll have to stay here forever. That would mean that I will never see them again. I will never be able to go back to my real life. I know it… They will probably sell me or my organs. Whatever they are planning, I will never get my own life back and maybe giving up earlier than later is better than being disappointed.

Romy. Our last conversation was an argument and I regret being so rude to her. I should’ve accepted her apology and listened to her. I should’ve picked up the phone and talked to her. I should’ve done a lot of things differently but I’ll never get the chance to do any of that.

All I can do here is stay calm because I don’t want to risk my life. 

Maybe he wants something from me and he’ll let me go as soon as he has it. I hope so.

Toni

After five minutes, she comes out with a towel wrapped around her body. I stand up from the bed and walk towards her. The clothes in my hands are for her. They should fit her. I hand them to her and say “I’ll be back in ten minutes and then we'll leave.“

Pablo wants to see her, so I will take her there because he isn’t going to come to this disgusting place. He never visits these places. I take care of things and places like these. 

He’s going to tell her what to do so she can finally stop asking me questions. I had some girls that were way more annoying and stubborn than her but she looked the cutest when I slapped her. 

Damn. I need to stop this. 

She looks nervous but not like before. The shower probably helped her. If she gets a little less annoying with every shower, then I’ll force her to take one every ten minutes. 

“Where?“ she asks, not looking into my eyes. She’s looking at the clothes, trying to figure out how they look. 

Something changed. I can feel it and I don't like it. I know it. She's broken. We came to the point were she won’t try to scream or run away anymore. That was faster than expected but at least she accepted her fate. I can see that there’s still a side of her that wants to ask me questions. There's so much she has to learn. So much she will learn. It'll take time but she'll get used to it or she won’t, which means that I'll have my fun and get my money..

“Just shut up and change.“ I say and leave.

Lucille

I change into the oversized black hoodie and black, ripped jeans. I’m asking myself why I got something like this and how he knew my size because the jeans fit perfectly. What did I even get dressed for? It doesn’t matter. At least I have some fresh clothes now. They really are fresh. I can smell it and the hoodie is really soft. I’m thankful for that because he could’ve let me walk around in my dirty clothes and not even let me take a shower but the fact that he did also means that he has plans with me. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. 

My hair is still wet but I won’t ask him for a blowdryer. So I pull the hood over my head, after drying my hair with the towel, as good as I can and continue freezing. I’ll definably get sick because of this. 

The door opens and red hood walks in. I’m calling him red hood until he introduces himself to me because I don’t know what else to call him. Somehow he knows my name and I don’t like that. Either I can't remember telling him or he knows me from somewhere. It makes me feel uncomfortable to think that he already knows me from somewhere and has planned this all because that would make it even sicker. 

He looks at me. I pull my sleeves down and hope he won't notice how much I'm shaking. He takes a deep breath and opens the door.

“Move.“ he says and I look at the long corridor. My heart starts racing. I could run, right? He’s probably faster than me. He would get me right away. Even if I run and he doesn’t get me, where am I going to run? In which direction? How? Is there a way out or is this a labyrinth? Too many thoughts are going through my head and that’s why I decide to not run. I’m not going to test him or risk my life this early. I need to see what’s out there first. I need to know if I have a chance. 

He just opened the door. He's giving me a chance. Or he's testing me. What is he doing? He's looking at me with furrowed eyebrows, as if I'm deaf. He’s getting mad. Suddenly he grabs my arm and forces me to walk. I understand it. If I refuse to do something, he will force me.

And now I'm not sure if I want to go. Earlier I wanted to get out of that room and now I don’t feel like I can leave it because I’m afraid of what’s waiting outside for me. I feel like I can't walk. Where is he taking me? Maybe he’s taking me to my death. I don’t want to go with him. I feel like I’m getting closer to my death with every step. I’d rather be alone in the darkness again than be out there with him.

We walk through a long, dark hallway and then climb up some stairs. I still don't know what kind of building this is and I’m trying to figure it out. His grip is tight and if I wouldn't be drowning in my thoughts, I would try to free myself and run but I can't. Or I would at least free myself so I can walk by myself but he probably wouldn’t let me anyway.

When we’re standing in front of a big door, I realize that we're in a club. It's obvious. Everybody would notice that. I'm not sure yet, if it's a strip club or a casino because it’s too dark but I'm sure it's nothing good. It smells like a mixture of perfume, sweat and alcohol. 

He opens the big door and exits the building with me. For one second my heart stops. I do have a chance I'm outside. We’re outside and I can run. I could scream and ask people for help or anything else that could get me out of this. There are so many possibilities. 

I look around very fast and realize that it's not the club which I met him in front of. We’re somewhere else. I don't know this place. I can’t recognize the buildings and the streets. Everything is strange. Where did he take me… 

All of sudden I feel the gun in my back. I gasp and hold my breath because I’m afraid that he will shoot if I breathe. Let alone run.

“Run our scream and I’ll shot you, without blinking.“ he whispers, with a very aggressive voice. I know that this is not a joke. It’s a thread, a warning. 

I don't want to die yet and there's nobody around who could save me. Nobody who could see the gun in my back. 

I need to play this game as long as I can. Just go with it, until I find out where we are or what he wants. I need to win time. So I just do what he says and get into his car.