I was always tired. I wanted to spend all my free time in bed, but once in bed, I could not sleep. The headaches and the pain in my tense muscles kept me awake. The best I could manage was to practice my Zen meditation. I knew how to meditate through pain. I’d had years of practice, after all.
Then there was the cold. I was always cold; it seemed I would never know warmth again, even on mild, sunny autumn days. The cold was in the marrow of my bones. I could not rid myself of it. I shivered at night, and at dawn, my shuddering flesh would wake me up if I’d somehow managed to fall asleep. It was worst at dawn. Wrapping myself up in my comforter did nothing to thaw me.
When the chest pains started, I finally forced myself to go to the campus health clinic, after having avoided it for fea
