Just Accept it Without but

Intermediary Dimension

The greeting is still ringing in my brain. To the point that I forgot that he was already happy with someone else. Forgot that maybe the greeting was just small talk. Or maybe the absence of topics he discussed with my brother to the point of sending greetings to me. I have no idea. But the greeting is still ringing in my brain to this day. It was undeniable that no matter how good or bad the mood was if it collided again with things related to it my defenses would just be crushed. Maybe that's one of the reasons I never want to talk about him again. Until the end, okay. This has been bothering me a lot and I can only just go ahead and write it down.

That day, a Sunday when my cousin and I were going to attend a friend's wedding. At that time, my brother was in front of the house. While dropping my footwear on the ground and asking my mother for permission, suddenly the word came out of my brother's mouth.

"Alea, get greetings from Eza." He shouted

The defense that I had built for months and even years just crumbled when I heard that name. A name that will always be stored in the space of my own heart, which can only be remembered. Suddenly I just answered with pleasantries to end the conversation, "Oh, is he still working there?" I answered. "Yes, still," said my brother. The topic of conversation immediately changed about where my cousin and I were going, whose house and so on. Without further ado, my cousin drove his motorbike and left the yard. It was a mood that I never expected before because long before that day I had actually been very stupid with him. Surrender to the circumstances of what will happen in the future. Although in my heart I still always want to hear news about him, to communicate with him again. Or grateful to be able to get back in touch with him. Halu that is very impossible with all kinds of impossibility is not it? But that's okay. Thank you. At least my hope so far is still answered, even through intermediaries.

I remember, a few weeks ago I also just returned from the first place me and him together. Not the two of you, the six of you. Look at the ATV, my memory goes back to 8 years ago. When my class was on a study tour and he rented an ATV to ride me. Yes, his intention was to ride me but what happened was that I refused. Not refusing, I'm ashamed and inside I still feel that what I did was wrong. As a result, we just sat and stood looking at the beach, talking to each other for the most part I was silent. I really miss that time, when he and I could sit together, talk without any reply but I feel that is the pleasure of my love with him. No matter how much I always disappoint him, but he never chooses the path of anger in responding to me. Take it easy, let's go for another one! An offer that is also a mature solution.

I never know what's in his heart, even if I knew maybe I would believe that he was very good to be my partner at that time. Even now, when I'm no longer his partner. He will always be remembered for his kindness. Even I never knew what bad thing he did to me, what I remember was many times I made a mistake with him. Even in the last time I said hello to him. I'm sorry, Z.

“If there was a word greater than sorry, I would have used it to express it to you. And if there was a word bigger than thank you, I would have used it for you for all your kindness.”

You're good, Za. And will always be kind in my eyes.