Bitersweet Romance

Chapter 2

Xiyan

I suddenly sat upright on my bed as I struggled to breathe. Both my neck and back were trickled with sweat as I panted, just to feel the satisfaction of the refreshing air traveling through my lungs. This wasn't the first time my anxiety disturbed me in the midst of my slumber, and this surely wasn't the last. My anxious thoughts, which poured into my head like a ceaseless storm, were always expected to trouble my breathing. My panic attacks were a condition of mine that only my family and I were aware of. I had been experiencing my attacks at the tender age of 9, after my father's death. His death was the sole reason why this all started, and also why I refused to return to the beach.

My father died from a car crash on our way home from our summer vacation, which we spent at the beach. Ever since that day, I never went back. Just the sight of the beach always brought fear to my heart. The aftermath of the incident was torment to my heart. Since my father was the one driving, only my mother and I, who were seated at the back, were saved. The impact of the collision was mainly focused on my father, who was the most injured of the three of us. He was immediately brought to the hospital, where we received the devastating news of his death. He wouldn't stop bleeding, and the paramedics who treated him already knew that his wounds were fatal. Then, a few hours later, he died from the suffocating pain he had failed to bear.

I was still young then, and it greatly affected my mental health. My father was the one person who took my side, no matter the situation. He was always there whenever I needed someone. Unlike my mother, every time I made a mistake, he would comfort me in the most reassuring voice that everything would be alright and that my mistakes could be undone. However, I'm afraid that his death was one crucial mistake that couldn't be fixed.

Meanwhile, the offender, a drunkard who had been tipsy while driving, was immediately sentenced to several years in jail for defying traffic rules, which definitely included his DUI, and vehicular manslaughter. My mother was promised to be slowly compensated by the man's family, but even I, as a child, knew that nothing would be enough to compensate for the price of my father's life.

As time passed, I became depressed. I wasn't entirely alone since I still had the presence of my mother. But unlike my father, she was usually too busy to be with me, especially after his death. So most days, I usually came home to solitude, enduring the tormenting sounds of silence within our home. It was suffocating at first. But as I grew older, I managed to become accustomed to the solitude that befell me.

Later on, when I started high school, I befriended many people, distracting me from my loneliness. But though I managed to overcome my depression, my anxiety still remained. Though it wasn't as severe as it was before, it still was a bother.

Feeling tight in the chest, I stood up to ease my condition. Glancing at the clock, I decided to get ready for school.