A Tale Beyond Destiny

Chapter 10: Apologies (Caleb)

For a moment, I thought the scene in front of me was too breathtaking, and was too good, to be true. It was as if the moment that I saw Caliana, who was still looking up at the sky, was enough for me to remove the exhaustion that I felt. All the worry that I had in my mind was suddenly gone, and has never been found.

It was as if her beauty alone was enough to leave me so breathless, so awestruck. It was as if the scene in front of me was straight right out of a high-end movie, a scene that was enough to be the cause of the slip up of the crowd. It was as if I could not believe that I became like this, just because I saw Caliana that way.

I did not know how long I became so frozen in place. I did not know how long I had been staring at her. All I know was that I wanted this scene to last. I want to remember this moment for as long as I live. I wanted to see her like this way, for a little longer, for a little more time.

I could see her smile as if she had never experienced something like this before. I saw how she draped her hands so wide as if she wanted to feel her surroundings, everything around her, and so much more. I have seen that kind of look on her face, as if she finally felt so free, after all these years, that she became imprisoned over something that I did not know about. I could see the light in her face, in her features, as if finally, finally, she had done something that she wanted to do, after all this time.

I never wanted to interfere. I did not want to do something that would ruin her moment, and so I decided that I should just stare at her from a distance, to admire her beauty, to admire all about her. Though I could not hide the fact that it almost sounded like I was her stalker because of what I wanted to do.

I did not know how long I had been staring at her. I did not know how much time had passed by, but I did not care about it. I just wanted to continue and stare at her for a little while. To be a prank, I could say that I could do this for all the remaining years of my life; if that would mean that I would be able to see how beautiful she is.

I did not know what kind of expression I had on my face, but the moment that Caliana dropped her hands and looked at my side with a smile, a carefree one, I guess that I knew what expression I had.

It was a soft look, just like the way I always looked at her these past few days. I never really paid any attention to it because I was too fascinated by her, though I could always get so flustered whenever she would catch me staring at her for a span of time that was considered as an uncomfortable one, but for her, it was not the case.

She would always give me that smile, the same one she has right now. She would not get so uncomfortable, and would not get offended with how I looked at her. It was just fine with her, and I guess that was the best for us, because I did not think that I would be able to look away from her.

It was as if I was bewitched by her. Though I guess that it was just alright with me. Everything was just fine for me. Everything was alright, as long as it was her, Caliana, the woman that I encountered almost a month ago, and I never thought that we could be this close; to the point that I did not want her to leave me all alone any longer.

“Caleb...” That was it. The way she called my name with too much softness in her voice. The way she says it is as if I had never done anything wrong, though I knew that, as of that moment, it was not the case, because I really did something wrong towards her that led to that time. And if I were asked if everything that had happened was all worth it? I would definitely shake my head and answer a firm ‘no.’

After all, even though I was very awestruck with the way she looked a moment ago, it would not change the fact that something bad had happened between the two of us that led to this.It would not change the fact that I did something so wrong, which was why she had found her way here, in this park.

She slowly came near me, and that made me snap out of my thoughts as I looked down on her bare feet. That was right. She never wore anything on her feet, and it must have hurt so badly because of how long she had been outside of the condominium. And that made me go near her as I dragged her towards the bench to make her take a seat.

“What is wrong?” she asked me, but I did not answer her as I knelt down in front of her and checked the soles of her feet; afraid that they might have been injured because of the uneven ground on the way here.

I checked her feet, and I did not even care if it was dirty or whatever. All I wanted to do was to check and make sure that she was unharmed, because I did not think that I would be able to take the guilt that I would feel if she was ever injured because of what had happened at my home, earlier.

“Oh,” I heard Caliana say, as if she had just realized that she did not even have a pair of shoes on her feet. “It seems like I forgot to wear one earlier,” she even told me as she awkwardly laughed, and that made my heart sink even more.

“I am so sorry,” I apologized to her as I took out a handkerchief that was in the pocket of my coat, before I went and cleaned her feet. “You must have experienced a hard time earlier. I should have known better than shouting at you.” I did not look at her, because I was afraid of the way she would look at me.

“It is not your fault,” Caliana whispered, but I could clearly hear what she had just said because of our close proximity. “I had just remembered something in the past and that made me act like that way...” She was about to explain things further, but I cut her off as I looked straight into her eyes with so much guilt on my gaze.

“But I was the one who triggered it, right?” I asked her, then I returned my attention to cleaning her feet once again. “I acted like an assh*le who did not even think of his actions and resulted in something like this,” I mumbled as I started to blame myself all over again.

I could feel her gaze on my head, but I did not look at her as I focused on wiping down the dirt on her feet. Luckily, there were not any cuts or any injuries that I was afraid that she had earlier, and that made me let out a sigh of relief, but still, I refused to look at her because I was too ashamed that I was the reason why she had a panic attack.

“The way you are acting right now, I guess that you have a reason why you did that,” Caliana said after she let out a sigh. “Can you look at me? Look at me, please. I wanted to ask you something and I am afraid that you will lie if I cannot see your face.”

“Will it change a thing?” I asked her as I still did not stop wiping the dirt on her feet. “I might still lie to you even if I am staring right at your eyes, you know?” I did not know why, but it seemed like I was too afraid to look at her, which I found so odd because I never been like this before, not even on her nor at someone I was so close with.

I stopped when I heard her let out a little laugh as if she could not believe that she heard that from me, and it took all my strength to stop myself from looking at her because I knew that the moment that I would see her face as she laughed, it would leave in awe once again. It would just make this situation more awkward than it ever was.

“You know that I can figure out that you are lying to me when you are staring right at my gaze, right?” she asked - a hint of laughter was still evident in her voice, but she was just trying to hide it from me. Then, suddenly, that laughter died down and I knew, even though I was not looking at her, that she had this serious expression on her face. “Come on, tell me. I wanted to know the reason why you shouted like that, because I really think that you will not get that furious so easily.”

“I am afraid,” I answered her, and even though I did not plan to look at her, my instincts got better of me and I just found myself getting lost in her forest green eyes, as if I became so enchanted by her gaze alone. She looked taken aback when I suddenly turned my attention on her. “I am afraid that something might have happened to you. I am afraid that you got harmed by what happened earlier.”

I took a deep breath because I thought that I would not be able to say the next words that I had in my mind, but I knew that I needed to tell this to her, because that was the truth. This was what I had in my mind earlier when I saw that she was endangered.

“I am so worried about you, and I did not know what to do anymore,” I explained, then I looked down on the ground as if I feared that she would be able to figure out the way my eyes had shown the emotion that I should not have, but it was still there, and it was all because of her. “I did not like the idea that something bad will happen to you, you know? I did not like to think that you would be harmed in any way.”

I did not know why, but it was so easy for me to tell her the truth. It seemed as if I wanted to become so honest with her. It was like I could tell her almost everything that I wanted to tell, without any fear of being judged, or anything like that.

I knew it did not sound so manly, but what could I do? After all, it seems like it was the effect that Caliana had on me. I tended to become so soft, even though I was considered a ‘tyrant’ by my employees, even my closest friend said that I was too cold and too harsh, which was why no one wanted to go near me. But to her, it was so easy to show her the soft side of mine, a side that I did not know I had. It was not hard for me to act like this way to her, and if I were asked, I was not complaining, really.

I liked the idea that she was the only one who could make me feel this way. I liked the idea that I was too comfortable with her, to the point that I came to realize this. I liked to say that she became a vital point in my life, though I guess that it was not enough for me to tell myself that I liked her, or should I say that I was still a little in denial about my feelings for her.

“Is that so?” I heard her ask me, which made me look at her again, but my heart beat faster than it ever was because of the way she looked at me.

It was so soft. Too soft for my own good, to be exact. I could see the way her eyes glinted at something I did not want to name, something that I refused to name. I could see the way her lips quivered as if she still wanted to say something, but she was too afraid to ruin the moment. But above it all, I could tell that she suddenly felt guilt because of what she did earlier, though in my opinion, I was really the one who was responsible for what had happened.

I looked away from her again as I focused my attention on slipping the shoes which I had brought earlier on her feet. Though I could still tell that she was staring so intently at me, and I knew that she was still looking at me with that expression on her face.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I mumbled, and it was barely audible, but I knew that she heard it and understood it, clearly.

“Like what?” she asked me, as if she was shocked that I asked her that, though I guess that she knew what I was pointing out.

But even though that was the case, I just let out a resigned sigh as I looked up at her once again as I finished slipping the shoes on her feet, then I said, “Like you suddenly felt so guilty about what happened.” I shook my head once again, before I stood up from my position earlier. “It is not your fault. It will never be your fault.”

Then, it was her turn to look away from me as if she was too ashamed to meet my gaze, and I had this urge to hold her chin so that she would not be able to look away from me, but then again, I did not have enough courage to do so.

“But you were just concerned about me, and I am just too weak and too scared that I did not even consider that,” she whispered and my heart almost sunk with the emotion that she had when she was saying those statements. “I even thought that you finally hated me, that you became just like them.”

I could not stop myself any longer. The moment that I heard that from her, I strode near her and held her wrist as I made her stand up from her seat. She looked so shocked at how fast I moved, but I did not give a d*mn. I wanted to hold her, and I certainly would do that as of that moment, because I knew that she needed it. Reassurance, love, care, and so much more. She needed it all, and I promised to myself that I would make her feel everything that she was not able to do in the past.

“Caleb?” she called my name, clearly unsure of what had just happened, but I did not care about it. I just held her even much tighter than before as I buried my nose in her hair. “What is happening?” she even asked me, but still, I kept my silence.

We stayed like that for almost a whole minute, before I finally whispered to her, “I will not ever do that. I will not ever make you feel less of yourself. I will never hate you, and no, I do not think that I have a heart to do that.” I felt her stiffen at what she heard, but then, I also felt her relaxed after a few minutes. “I will never be like them, and I swear that whatever they had done to you in the past, I will never do that. I will protect you, and take care of you, until you want me to.”

That was the moment that I felt her hug me back, and that made my heart go crazy that I was so sure that she could hear it beat. Though I did not have time to think of my fast heartbeats, because I suddenly felt that Caliana was trembling. I even first thought that it was because she was hurt somewhere, but then, I heard her sobbing and that made my eyes soften as I looked down at her.

“This is the first time that I ever heard that from someone,” she said to me as her voice trembled, and that made me pat her head. “This is the first time that someone was willing to be with me, and was even willing to take care of me.”

I smiled softly at her as I caressed her hair, then I whispered, “And it certainly will not be the last.” Caliana looked up at me when she heard that with her tear-stained eyes, and I just smiled at her again as I wiped off her tears.

“Caleb,” she said my name once again, but I just smiled as I gave her my softest look.

“Let’s go home now, Caliana,” I said as I held her cheeks beneath my hands. “And I promise you that I will really do everything that I said to you right now.”