Fate: Diabolical

Such Close Strangers

Static shadows of grey and white came first, invading the darkness. Slowly up ahead a small yellow light appeared, shining mutedly, barely visible, but I remember becoming aware of it for the first time, and knowing that it represented something… something I needed… but it was impossibly out of reach. I cannot move, I seem to lack form. What is this sensation? I think I'm alone… and yet I can feel something close to me, all around me, pressing in on me. Sometimes I think I can hear whispering, but its muffled, as if listening through water, trying to make sense of it takes effort and makes me feel strange, so I look past it and focus… focus on what? I drifted for an eternity in this – this what? What is this? What am I? The yellow light ahead was steadily, but slowly growing larger, I couldn’t tell whether I was moving closer to it, or it was reaching out for me…. but as I floated without form or figure I recognised my first sensation, and made sense of it for the first time… warmth was it? Yes, warmth, beautiful, comforting warmth…. I recognised it somehow and felt…peaceful? The yellow light swelled as it picked up more speed, swelling and swallowing the surrounding darkness. As it grew, the voices grew with it; one of them sweetly melodic and enticing, I couldn’t help but be drawn to it, but there was another voice there too and something inside told me I shouldn’t ignore it…. It was more desperate than the first, it sounded in a panic, but it was so much further away, so out of reach and the melody… the beautiful melody… so hypnotizing... called to me, I couldn’t resist letting it consume me…. And just as I was sucked up into the piercing yellow light along with the rest of the world, I heard that frantic voice scream and it sounded so painful, so desperate that my fragmented self convulsed in what I instantly recognised as terror….

‘Han-’!!!!!!!!!…

That word, it was important, what was it…. I tried to listen again, but the melody, the light –

Devoured me whole.

-

My eyes snapped open to emerald irises filling my vision. The world around taking time to shift into focus. Slowly the face around the endless eyes pulled together, a chiselled nose, pink cupid bow lips, a defined jaw with a few days worth of dark stubble, a faint scar ran straight down the middle of his right eye, the eyes themselves were large and beautiful, but also had a certain suggestion to them, a coldness, which made one feel as if under scrutiny. Long, lightly tousled dark-brown hair brushed silkily against my cheek. I cannot say how long I stayed locked in place with those endless eyes, but I was incapable of breaking the moment. I became aware of the rest of my body slowly, lightly tensing out fingers and toes I had forgot I controlled. I could feel his body pressed against mine and my heartrate quicken and little beads of sweat formed on my forehead. I couldn’t hide how my breathing deepened and I felt my cheeks grow red and hot. Finally, the face merely inches from mine smirked playfully, a twinkle shining in his cold eyes

‘So, now you have a fever?’

The voice that rang out of those beautiful lips was deep and rich like smooth honey and also strangely familiar. His tone was teasing and slightly taunting. Words! I had forgotten that words exist. So long it felt that I had been drifting in a world void of expression. I tried to move my stiff lips unfamiliarly and tested my vocal cords, my throat scratched as I stammered

‘Wha…what?’

As I spoke the man above me lowered down closer to my face, his torso pressing against my chest and I worried that he would feel my heart racing so ashamedly fast.

‘The doctors I had looking after you said you refused to warm up no matter what they did and that you may die of hypothermia. But all it took was for me to get a little close to you and not only did you finally wake up, but you’re also burning a fever. Shall I take that as a compliment little one?’

I stuttered incoherently in confusion, struggling to make sense of the situation. Where was I? What was going on? I can’t remember anything… should I recognise this place, this man? This man who was so alarmingly close… is this normal for us? What are we to each other?

‘I…I’m sorry, but I don’t remember…’

His playful smirk pulled into scrutiny as he studied me a moment, as if discerning the truth of my words… does that mean he doesn’t know me? If he had reason to be suspicious… unless I’m a dangerous person? Or im in danger! Just who am i? Who is he? Thoughts were racing at impossible speeds as my panic rose. I tried to sit up, but an insurmountable weight pressed me down, suffocating me. I lunged out in a desperate bid for space, but my feeble attempts achieved nothing.

‘Hey, hey, hold up! Calm down’ He urged, his voice on edge.

He took my wrists in his large hands, pinned them to my side and pressed his shins and feet down firmly against my legs to control my thrashing. He held me down as I fought for what felt like forever, until finally my energy sapped, and I was forced to settle and focus on controlling my dangerously wild pulse. He took a moment to let me breathe but his grip never loosened, and his eyes never left my face. 

‘Are you calm now? You can’t go thrashing around like a wild banshee! You really hurt yourself and you’ve been asleep for days. You need to take it slowly or else you’re gonna end up breaking something – okay!’

His tone was firm, no trace of the flirty playfulness from a moment ago. His cold eyes bore into mine, expecting an obedient reply. In that situation, with no strength and no power what else could I say other than;

‘Ok, im sorry’

His eyes softened instantly, and for a moment he looked at me with such sweetness that I could feel my cheeks burning again. I wrestled to take control of my emotions and finally I strengthened my resolve enough to ask

‘I’m calm now and promise I will take it slow, so would you mind –?‘ I pointed my chin at him and then off of to the right, indicating for him to get off me. He did as I asked, but he took his time about it, too long to be anything but deliberate. As he stood, he span on his heels and knelt back down beside me, instantly putting his hand back on my arm, regaining a form of physical connection. What is with this guy? Is he someone dear to me? But if so, why does he look at me with such suspicion? He applied pressure to my arm to help steady me as I slowly sat up, which was much harder than I thought and, in the end, I was secretly pleased to have his strength to support me. When I was clearly stable, he did reluctantly let go of my arm, but he kept it on the mattress merely inches from mine. He looked at me with a neutral expression and said nothing. I can’t help but feel that he should try to offer up some sort of explanation, or say something instead of just silently staring with those penetrating eyes, but he didn’t and so I knew I would have to draw it out myself.

‘I don’t remember anything’ – I said again ‘Can you please explain to me who and where I am?’

Moments passed before he spoke.

‘As to where you are, you’re in our home – Volk Lune as it’s so lovingly referred to’ he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

‘As to who you are…you’re my wife’

I took a moment to digest that, although I had part prepared myself for such an answer. It would explain how he felt comfortable enough to get so close to me, and yet… something felt off. He didn’t look at me as someone looks at their wife… there was definitely something in the way he looked at me, something maybe longing, but he lacks the soft familiarity, even his body language and the stiff composed way he’s holding himself seems overly formal, not in the way you would expect someone to act around someone they were married to… and those eyes. Those questioning eyes.

‘Im sorry I don’t remember you, I hope that doesn’t hurt you too much. Can you tell me my name?’

And the little understanding I had been piecing together about my life collapsed into pieces with his reply.

‘I have no idea’