Badboy's Addiction (Badboy Series 2)

Chapter Fifteen

I was completely speechless, my lips parting and closing, my throat went dry and my lungs stopped working for a second. I lifted my gaze to meet his, checking if he's really serious about what he said. Hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot, nagblanko ang utak ko sa sandaling iyon dahil sa pagkabigla. Hindi ko iyon inasahan.

Nang hindi pa ako magsalita ay naupo ito paharap sa akin, napatili ako nang hawakan niya ang dalawang balikat ko at pinaharap din ako sa kaniya. Pagkatapos ay pinisil niya nang madiin ang magkabilang pisnge ko kaya napapikit ako at napa-aray.

"Are you deaf? I said I like you—"

"Stop!" I pushed him and stood on the couch, not knowing what to do, I don't even know what the heck am I standing for. I was panicking, my cheeks are turning red and something weird are fluttering inside my stomach.

Tumalon ako paalis sa couch at tumakbo paakyat sa hagdanan, nagtungo ako sa kwarto niya at nagtago sa gilid ng kama kung saan hindi niya ako makikita. Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko, nakapikit ang mga mata at pilit na inaalis sa utak ko ang tatlong salitang lumabas sa bibig niya.

No, of course, I'm dreaming! I am dreaming! Please, tell me I'm dreaming!

Nang makarinig ako ng yabag ng mga paa sa labas ng kwarto ay pumasok na ako sa ilalim ng kama, kahit ako ay nagtataka na rin sa mga kinikilos ko, hindi ko akalain na magiging ganito ako ka-defensive. Nakakahiya! Gusto ko mang tumigil sa ka-weirduhan ko kaso nakapasok na si Emmanuel sa kwarto.

Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko at pinanood ang paa niyang naglalakad hanggang sa huminto siya sa pinakagitna ng kwarto niya.

"Why are you hiding from me, baby? I was just telling you I like you." He sounded like he's teasing me more than confessing now. Why does he keep repeating that? Does he want me to die from heart attack? And why is he calling me that embarrassing endearment?

He walked around the room, trying to find me probably. He tried checking beside the bed but not underneath it so I am safe for now, and he also tried checking behind the curtains.

"I hope you're not being too dramatic and decided to hide under the bed, huh, Ash?" He was definitely teasing me and I bet you that he's enjoying it.

That's right. This is probably just a joke, he's really not confessing to me and this is all just a harmless prank, right? Or maybe he meant that as a friend and I just overreacted?

He opened the closet and when he realized I wasn't there, I heard a loud sigh from him.

"Fine, if you don't wanna talk, then at least hear me out." He walked towards the bed and when I thought he's going to look under, he just sat there as I heard the bed creaked.

Sigurado akong alam niya na na nagtatago ako sa ilalim ng kama, nakakahiya man pero mas nakatuon ang atensyon ko sa mga sasabihin niya sa akin kaysa sa hiya na nararamdaman ko. Inalis ko ang kamay ko sa bibig ko at hinintay siya na magsalita.

"I really like you, Ash." He said the words again, I believe this is the forth time already and it's starting to get into my nerves.

I closed my eyes and covered my ears, but it wasn't enough to unhear what he's going to say. And maybe there's a tiny bit part of me that wanted to hear what he has to say.

"I don't know when it happened and how, I'm new to all this and I don't have the slightest idea of what it's like to be in a relationship but still... I know it's cringey hearing this coming from a man, especially me, but..." he paused for a few seconds, "I feel like when I'm with you, I feel normal and free, like I'm a whole new person. Everyday, I look forward to spending my day with you that sometimes I forget who I truly am."

"Stop..." I muttered, my whole face is already burning at this point. I know he heard me when he let out a little chuckle.

"I'm not asking for a response right now, I'm just asking for you to listen, Ash."

"I like what we have now, why did you have to ruin it?" I responded, resting my forehead on my arms in front of me. My feelings are contrary to everything I said, I wanted to deny it but his words made me happy.

The reason why I'm scared to enter to this world is because I don't want anything to change between us, because what he feels for me is exactly how I feel for him and I'm scared that all that change. But even after I learned that we share the same feelings for each other, the fear is still there.

"Go out on a date with me tommorow night after you're done with your work at the cafe." He was commanding more than asking.

"I also plan to work overtime at the bar... a-and I'm not missing anymore of our band's gig."

"Baby, it's hard to have a conversation with you while you're under the bed, bakit hindi ka na lumabas? Alam ko naman na nandyan ka."

Hindi ako sumagot, nahihiya akong lumabas galing sa ilalim ng kama, ayoko siyang makaharap pagkatapos kong gumawa ng kahihiyan.

Nagpanik ako nang umalis ito sa pagkakaupo sa kama at lumuhod nang nakaharap sa direksyon ko, pinikit ko ang mga mata ko at tinakpan ang mukha gamit ang dalawang kamay.

"Nakikita pa rin kita, Ash. Bakit hindi ka nalang kasi lumabas d'yan nang makapag-usap tayo nang maayos." pangungumbinsi niya sa akin.

Marahas akong umiling, nakatakip pa rin ang mukha dahil sa hiya.

"Babe, I'm not gonna laugh—"

"Don't call me that!"

"There might be a spider there, I haven't cleaned under my bed yet—"

Hindi ko siya pinatapos magsalita at agad-agad na gumapang paalis sa ilalim ng kama, binigyan niya ako ng espasyo nang makadaan ako. Tumayo ako at akmang tatakbo paalis subalit pinalibot niya ang braso niya sa bewang ko para pigilan ako at pinaupo ako sa kama.

"Pakawalan mo na 'ko, please! Ayokong pag-usapan 'to!" Pagrereklamo ko habang nagpapapadyak sa sahig. Nakatayo si Emmanuel sa harapan ko, nakahawak sa magkabilang balikat ko para hindi ako makatakas.

"Ashley, you're really hurting my feelings right now. Do you not like me?"

"O-of course not—!"

"Then you do like me?"

"Stoppppppp!" I cried, covering my face to hide my embarrassment. He's trying to kill me, he's trying to freakin' murder me!

It's not one-sided, that's the only thing I'm worried about that I even shut my mind about the idea of realtionships and other things related to that word. I still don't understand it even now that he confessed, maybe because I have no experience, even these feelings are all alien to me. Maybe it's because they're stranger and new that I'm terrified.

Hindi ko alam kung ano bang dapat gagawin, kung ano bang dapat isasagot sa paulit-ulit niyang pag-amin ng nararamdaman niya. Pakiramdam ko sa puntong ito ay inaasar niya nalang ako dahil sa mga inaakto ko. Ganito ba siya ka-confident na parehas kami ng nararamdaman para sa isa't-isa? Masyado ba akong halata?

Come to think of it, I don't even know when and how it all started. Basta bigla ko nalang napansin na iba na ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya kumpara sa mga lalaki kong nga kaibigan, at nang mapagtanto ko iyon ay agad ko ring isinara ang konseptong iyon sa utak ko.

Ayoko na may magbago sa samahan naming dalawa, ayokong mawala ang comfort na binibigay niya sa akin at syempre, ayokong mawala siya. Just because of my stupid feelings for him.

But it's mutual... Kaya bakit... Bakit ako nagkakaganito? Ano pang kinakatakutan ko?

"It's getting late..." he muttered. I felt him kneel on the floor in front of me.

I peaked between my fingers to see if he's looking at me, thankfully he's looking out the window where he can see the night sky. While he's still consumed by the the night, I took the instance to study his face and expression, trying to read if he's sincere about everything told me.

Napakurap-kurap ako sa napagtanto ko. Namumula ang magkabilang pisnge niya, kahit ang kaniyang tenga. Ito ang unang pagkakataon na nakita kong nahihiya ito, ngayon ko lang yata nakita siyang nagba-blush. Dahil duon ay nabawasan kahit papaano ang takot sa dibdib ko.

Binaba ko ang dalawang kamay ko na nakatabon sa mukha ko, hindi ko maalis ang mga mata sa kaniya dahil gusto kong sulitin ang pagkakataon na ganito siya ka-cute.

"Kaylangan mo ng umuwi, ayokong abutin ka ng hating gabi," pagpapatuloy niya pa.

"Hindi—" Napahinto ako sa pagsasalita nang bumalik ang atensyon niya sa akin. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya at nagpatuloy sa sasabihin ko. "H-hindi naman problema 'yon, wala namang naghihintay sa akin sa bahay."

"Still."

"B-but you're right, I should probably go home now."

"Okay, I'll take care of your stuff downstairs." He dropped his hand on my head, patting it gently.

When he left, I was alone in the room with thoughts filling my head which are giving me an headache. I didn't expect this day to turn out like this. That was probably the worst confession ever and it's all my fault. He just confessed to me while I'm under the bed, I couldn't be more embarrassed.

Pero nahihiya rin siya. Umamin siya sa akin ng nararamdaman niya, sa pagkakaalam ko ay dapat kaylangan mong mag-ipon ng lakas ng loob para gawin iyon, kung ako nga ay sinarado ang isipan sa konseptong iyon.

Nagi-guilty na ako, ang sarili ko at ang nararamdaman ko lang ng inisip ko. Pero sino namang mag-e-expect na kaya niya palang mahiya at kabahan? Iyon din yata ang unang pagkakataon na nakita ko siyang nagblush. Was he only teasing me and joking around to hide his embarrassment?

Ano kayang nararamdaman niya ngayon na tila tinanggihan ko siya? Nasaktan ko ba ang damdamin niya? Baka dahil dito pa masira at pagiging magkaibigan namin, baka dahil sa nangyari ngayon ay dumistansya siya sa akin. Higit din sa lahat ay ayoko siyang masaktan, hindi ko iyon intensyon.

Tumayo ako at tumakbo paalis ng kwarto, huminto ako sa itaas ng hagdanan at saktong nasa dulo na siya nito. Narinig niya yata ng yabag ng mga paa ko dahil huminto siya at tumingala sa akin.

He doesn't look sad, but he doesn't look the same as earlier when we were at the mall, driving around the town, eating together and watching a movie. He was smiling so much and his face was bright then, but his expression now is dull yet not sad, like he's just disappointed about the outcome of his confession.

Iniwasan ko ang mga mata niya habang pinaglalaruan ko ang dulo ng damit ko.

"Y-you just want a date, right?" I asked, embarrassed.

Nanatili lang ang mga mata ko sa sa sahig, natatakot na makita ang ekspresyon niya.

"For now, yes. Papayag ka na ba?"

"I-it's just like what we always do, r-right? The date I mean? Nothing new?"

I heard him chuckle lightly. Does that mean he's finally feeling better? "If that what makes you comfortable, why not?"

"Smooth talker," pabulong ko pa at bumaba ng hagdanan. "D-date lang naman eh k-kaya sige..." Saad ko pagka-lampas ko sa kaniya. Nabigla ako nang mahuli niya ang kamay ko para pahintuin ako.

"Talaga?" He asked in surprise as he held me in place with his hands holding my shoulders. Hindi maiwasan na mamatyagan ko ang mukha niya.

Nakangiti na siya at mukhang masaya dahil lang sa pagpayag ko. Dahan-dahan akong tumango upang kumpirmahin ang tanong niya. Mas naging malaki pa yata ang ngiti niya sa labi.

Pinisil niya ang pisnge ko. "Thank you, Ash."

I just stared into his eyes, thinking.

Nothing changed. The way he looks at me, the way he talks and the way he interacts with me. He's still the same Emmanuel.

Maybe I'm really just overthinking things.