Rise, Fallen Angels, Children of God

Chapter 11

        Alexa tried her best to forget about what happened to Edmund and as if he is just having his usual cruise and will be back after six months after the trip. Yet it finally hit her when Edmund didn’t come back the day he said he will be in time for their wedding preparations. Now Alexa is getting ready for her flight back to Manila for the funeral services for Edmund instead of the services for the wedding. This is another trial for her and Alexa couldn’t think straight while organizing her personal stuff to travel back home. Without Gin’s help, she wouldn’t be able to survive a day without thinking about Edmund. Gin even stayed in her room to accompany her since she’s been having bad dreams every night for a week now. Gin booked their tickets to fly to Manila while he designated his trusted friend, lawyer and advisor,  Mr. Hartman with his businesses in Paris and the U.S.

Back in Manila. We can see Alexa, Gin, Basil, Sanjay, Shane, Mr. & Mrs. Steele and Edmund’s family seated together inside a church with Edmund’s urn in front of them. All are grieving with his passing and every one gave their own experience being with Edmund, the fun and trying times with him. And when it’s Alexa’s turn she wasn’t able to speak and just cried in her speech. A very gloomy environment and all are looking at Edmund’s picture as a Sea Captain.

Alexa is silent. She’s done crying and maybe because she no longer has tears to shed now. She felt the need to stay strong just for this day but has no spirit left to go on and just wanted to get this funeral services done and over with. So she won’t feel the pain and her loss all over again. She love Edmund yet deep in her heart she knows she hasn’t forgotten about Jodie. Edmund knew about Jodie, yet he accepted her whole heartedly since he said that his love will compensate for the times Jodie hurt me of her death. He did, Edmund did made my life better, less pain and loss, and I almost forgot about Jodie, her past love, her longing for her beloved. But then Gin came along and that’s a different story all together. For now it’s all about Edmund. She felt guilty and wanted to apologize for her mistakes and was willing to marry him. To start a new and happy life with him. But then this happened, and Alexa felt this second heart break is the worst pain she could ever feel since Jodie’s accident. Alexa didn’t know that a third challenge will come to her life in Gin’s identity and this would make her world crazy but will destiny interfere. Will she truly find the one true love that she’s looking for? Let’s see! Read along with me please!!!...

Gin is thinking, though he didn’t know how Alexa really felt about him before when he was still Jodie. He felt that something is really wrong with Alex. Now if given the chance, he will ask Alex if she loved Jodie and how she felt when she lost her, even if they were apart for several years. Gind stands up to check on Alex. She was hugging Edmund’s family, friends and dear relatives. Edmund’s family weren’t as big as Alexa’s. Gin stepped in to talk with Alex when Mr. Morales, Edmund’s dad handed her something which made Alexa’s brows twitched. She was wondering what could this envelop be. Thinking it was just a small thing Edmund might have given her, since she didn’t have the strength to even eat at the moment, Alex decided to check it out when she gets back to Paris, at the Ritz. She wasn’t able to rest or sleep in the plane. Far more when she stayed at a hotel near the funeral home Edmund’s body was cremated. After the blessings of a priest in the columbarium, where Edmund’s urn is laid to rest, Alexa wanted to go back to her hotel at once to rest. Her mom, dad and sister Shane, wanted her to come home for dinner. But she insisted to visit them the next day, so she can sleep a bit to recharge from the three days she has spent with Gin who took care of the funeral services, the priest and all. With Gin, he  made it easier for her to accept Edmund’s passing and then was able to manage everything with Gin’s support and untiring patience with her. Gin wanted to accompany her at the hotel, even if she insisted that she’ll be fine. Alexa, however, is far from fine. She feels unsure of everything. Lost and dumbfounded. Her thoughts on Jodie’s accident and her sad experiences losing her came back as a nightmare. And now it’s happening again. As if the past that she’s trying to forget and tried her best to loose, kept on haunting her. As if her losses were running after her even if she’s wide awake or conscious. Even though she didn’t know Gin is Jodie, Gin is trying to figure Alex out, he’s trying to read her mind now. He knew her ever since they were little and it’s not difficult to know how Alex thinks and feels in situations or emotional stresses like this. He knew Alex is in turmoil inside and she being silent tells it all. Here, Alex, Gin and the rest of the family, friends, didn’t know someone from the far end of the church, a woman, in black, her face covered with a scarf and glasses, is watching their every move, especially Alexa. Helena, was looking intently at Alexa while uttering, “I should’ve been Edmund’s only woman, the woman in his life, maybe he is still alive now? Because of you, he gave me up and now he is gone! It’s all your fault Alexandra. He is mine and mine alone! I will let you live now, just for now! We will meet one way or another, some day and I will have my revenge! The woman added in anger, hate and full of jealousy.

Inside the Columbarium. The funeral service was very extravagant. Edmund’s urn was placed in private compartments below the church. The columbarium is made out of glass, marbles and gold. A glamorous way to place your love ones in but how ironic why we give such respect when we could’ve given them this type of treatment when they are still alive. Hmm! Others might have but majority of us sometimes miss the importance of making our loves happy while they are still here and alive. Because at least they would appreciate and experience it and our efforts will not go in vain rather than gone and couldn’t feel the love we give them. So that is why we must live our lives at the present moment and give joy to our family and love ones every day so we will not regret missing the times we should’ve spent with them after they’ve gone to rest.

Hey Alex, are you okay? Gin asked her with sincerity. Yes, I am fine and I am done crying, Alex said with conviction. Now she talks, I thought you cut your tongue or something, Gin added smiling at Alex. Alex held a small grin as her response and now she feels better. Gin felt better for when Alex says she feels okay, it is true that she is more than okay. My girl is so strong, I love her so much! Gin smiling with his own thoughts of Alex.

My parents came to Manila from Syria. Since war started there, my parents believed then that it is safer to live here than in any other countries. Discriminations in race, religion and etc. is not that rampant compared to the U.S. or in other parts of Asia. People here are friendly and happy to have us foreigners to live with them. They are a very religious people too. They respect us and our Muslim counterparts, Filipinos are truly devoted to their religion, faith and values. The families here are close knit, lovely and sweet. They help each other  and others to the best of our abilities. However, there are fathers or mothers who work abroad for their families to have monies and to get better opportunities and income overseas. Overseas Filipino Workers (OFW) sometimes work as domestic helpers or care givers even though they graduated in college or working professionally here in the Philippines. They do this just to receive more reasonable or high salary to support their children studying in college or love ones who are financially down or jobless due to lack of education because they are poor or because competition is high especially now that companies her or abroad asks for certificates to prove one’s education and if he is qualified in a certain occupation all together. I applaud these men and women for they inspire me to be as good as they are, non-professionals or with businesses abroad and in the world. As a Muslim, they accepted me as who I am, Jodie or Gin. For I am a human being, not just a Syrian, Muslim or foreigner. Even if I knew Alex since we were little kids, like eight years old. Growing and living here made me who I am now, like what they call a Fil-Am, or Filipino American, I am a Fil-Rian, or Filipino Syrian. Ha! Ha!. I am a full blooded Syrian, and wow! It’s been years since the war broke out in Syria and is still destroying my countrymen and our mother land. It’s so sad, but what can we do? 

        I have watched how Syria, America, Philippines and the world change, due to climate change school activism with Greta Thunberg, green peace protests to fight for the defenders on climate issues, gender-equaiity with the approval of gay and lesbian marriages in the states and worldwide. LGBT communities emerging, strong oppositions on throwing trash on oceans, countries being waged with war by the U.S. because of oil, abortion being prohibited by certain states in the U.S. and some countries surrounding the state, and racism which various anti-racist groups are now asking for equality and breaking down the walls of indifference to be practiced and developed all over the world. Hmm! So much for world peace and racism. I have bigger issues facing me now with my whole identity hidden from Alex. And I don’t know how I can go about it to her now!!!

I wonder how I can tell Alex who I truly am and how I feel about her? Gin seriously thought. I can escort her while talking with the visitors. Do you want me to get you coffee Alexa? I asked. No thank you, Gin, I’ll go and get it my self, you want some? Alex said with a blank reaction. Okay, I’ll join you then, lead the way! Gin insisted while supporting Alex by the elbow, since she said she feels very tired since hasn’t slept that much for three days. The cafeteria near the funeral home was closed so Gin drove the car to Mc Donald’s and parked somewhere since it’s 3 a.m. in the morning and the visitors, including Alexa’s family and friends left already. They just stayed for some papers to sign and worked on them together so Alex will be able to buy her ticket for Paris for Saturday. I’ll go and get us some coffee and you will sit here and relax, okay! Gin added leading her to her seat and ran towards the counter for their order. Though Alex didn’t say what she wanted to drink Gin knew she likes hot chocolate. So he ordered one choco for her with a burger and black coffee with fries for him alongside cream and sugar.

He went back to his seat looking at Alex who is in front of her in the table.  What are you thinking about now? Gin asked, while Alex is resting her head on her folded arms with eyes closed, trying to relax now that all is over but not her sorrow loosing Edmund after Jodie. Well! It’s about how I still think of Jodie and Edmund at the same time. And how I am weighing my feelings whether I loved Jodie or Edmund or that I loved Edmund because I longed for Jodie in him or vice versa. I am confused now and I don’t want to think anymore. So what did you order this time? Alex asked remembering their friendly date last time at the Ritz restaurant. Ah! Hot chocolate and a burger. Hmm! Okay, thanks! And that’s her name, my past love, Jodie, was her name. Alex added as if drunk from sleeplessness. Oh hmm! Jodie huh! What a lovely name. Gin replied smiling and his heart pounding from excitement, thinking, “she still loves me”. How was she, I mean, this Jodie as a partner? Gin asked innocently.

Well! As if Alex is reminiscing her memories about Jodie back in the old days when she and her were very close, especially the time they spent in Boracay. Pretty nostalgic that she smiles every time she remembers Jodie and her fun, romantic, sexy partner, now. Ah! Where to start? Alex then explained and told Gin everything about Jodie that they spent 2 hours talking at the food chain. She is my first and last love, Alex added. But Edmund came so, I forgot about the pain of losing my best friend and soul mate. He was nice and did everything for me, to shoe that he truly loved me. But I felt guilty for I still longed for Jodie, her love, touch, and the romance. And I feel guilty because I think I loved Jodie more than Edmund. Though I can no longer change what happened to Edmund, I still love Jodie with all my heart, Alex said sobbing. Gin felt relieved that Alex loves her still, and in order to comfort her, he stood and sat closer to Alex and hugged her. Alex, like a kid buried her face on Gin’s chest while Gin wrapped his arms around her so tight as if he doesn’t want to let her go. Alright, there you go! Pour it all out my dear! Alex you don’t know how much I missed you! Gin added and got caught up in the moment, that he didn’t realize what he said to Alex. Hmm? What did you say? Alexa added still enveloped in his arms, when she thought she heard Gin murmured something. Though Alex didn’t hear much of what he said after, she was so relieved and comforted, she felt safe and happy in Gin’s arms. Memories of Jodie came flooding in Alex’s mind. She felt Gin touch her right cheek, so she opened her eyes to look at him, then he held her chin towards him and kissed her gently on the lips. Which Alexa accepted and closed her eyes to feel Gin’s warm lips touching hers. Here Alex felt Jodie, the way Gin held her and kissed her. As if Jodie was reborn but in the likes of Gin, the angelic, beautiful man she bumped into the plane in Paris Roissy Charles de Gaulle (CDG) airport.  Then the kiss deepened and Gin no longer can resist missing Alexa so much, put his tongue in aand cupping her face as if he doesn’t want to let go. Alexa gave in for as if she was really wanting this to happen all along. Needing Gin’s warmth and caress, she suddenly felt his hand moving up to her breast. Alexa then thought they are still inside the food outlet, so both decided to stop and breathed looking at each other like they are hungry for something and not wanting to stop. Gin held Alexa’s hand and went to the car. Gin couldn’t resist her that he kissed Alexa again, now, wanting and needing her more than ever. Alexa, how ever, couldn’t stop Gin since she too is longing for Edmund, or Jodie, or maybe, she just wanted someone to be with her now, to comfort her, to share her suffering, sadness, and Gin is generous enough to go along with it, the kisses, hugs and touches. It was a bit daak and since it’s almost 5 in the morning, there’s only the two of them that their car is parked in the end side of the outlet. Gin didn’t stop kissing Alexa, on the lips, the face, neck and at the same time touching her breasts now that he can feel them with his bear hand. Alexa, moaning, obviously not wanting him to stop, as if hallucinating, said in a weak protest, “Gi…n, stoop!, we are in a public place…pleasssee….! Gin then realized that they are indeed still in the parking lot of the food chain. Oh…ahhhhh!!! Gin exclaimed breathing and gasping air. I’m sorry Alex, I’m really sorrrrrry! I….Gin wanting to add that immediately took his hand off her breast, when Alexa put her fingers on his mouth and stopped him. No, I wanted it too, thank you! But I want to go home and sleep. I am so tired, sleepy really!, Alexa added while she dodged her self on Gin’s chest. Alex, Alex!!!....Gin trying to know if she is okay. Yet Alexa isn’t waking up. He carried Alexa to the car and  brought her to her hotel. Gin decided to stay with Alexa, while covering her body with a comforter. Gin sat on the floor looking at Alex, her face while sleeping.