Forbidden Pursuit

Abuse

*****Content warning! s****l harassment and manipulation****

My birthday was already a month ago. The celebration was soured by my interactions with my mate. In front of my parents he is always a perfect gentleman. I try not to get caught with him alone, but he makes and takes those opportunities, and of course I always end up on the losing end of our times together.

The past month has been very stressful for me. My father passed his Alpha position on to Alexander, and, of course, Alexander had chosen Josh as his Beta. I had tried going on a single date with Josh, which was miserable for me. I talked with Emily about everything, and she suggested I double with Alexander and Heather. 

On our date, Josh was not happy about doubling until my brother flaked on me during the movie in the common room to ‘take a shower’. He and Heather had left giggling together. I wasn’t stupid. Neither was Josh. We both knew what they were doing.

I’m pretty sure my brother mind linked Josh about something because Josh chuckled at nothing before reaching for me. I had put as much distance as possible between us on the couch without it seeming awkward, but Josh didn’t seem to grasp that and closed the distance abruptly after my brother deserted me. 

In the dim light of the movie, Josh’s hands began to freely roam. 

“Please don’t.” I said softly. Over the past month Josh had worn me down, and my voice lacked the conviction it first had on my birthday.

“We’re mates. I can do what I want to. Your body is mine.” Josh lowered his hand to my breast and squeezed it for emphasis. 

I wanted to cry. Sometimes I ignored his hands and acted like I didn’t notice them. Sometimes I fought back. Sometimes I asked him to stop. None of my actions made him hesitate for even a moment. He didn’t love or respect me. All he wanted was to go to bed with me. I wasn’t ready for that. My wolf wasn’t ready for that. We couldn’t deny the mate bond that was there, but I just wasn’t mentally and emotionally ready to give myself to him. 

“I’m not ready for this yet. I’m still getting to know you,” I insisted.

“So when are you going to be ready, huh? Because the Moon Goddess decided you were ready on your birthday. Other girls bed their mates right away! Why did I have to get stuck with a weak, ugly little she-wolf like you?!” Josh went on another one of his verbal tirades. I winced as he insulted me. He squeezed my breast hard, hurting me in his anger. I yelped and moved away. He grabbed my ponytail and yanked me back to him.

“You know what? I’m tired of waiting. Since you won’t be mature enough to mate, suck me off. Right now. You’ve made me mad and withheld my rights to you as my mate. Fix it.” 

He still had me by my ponytail, and the next thing I knew my face was at his crotch. He was shoving his d**k against my face roughly. It was disgusting. I wanted nothing to do with this. He turned up the movie and held my head firmly against his crotch. Tears filled my eyes as I obediently opened my mouth and took him in while trying not to look at him. I didn’t know what I was doing, but he started roughly instructing me on what he wanted.

“Suck my tip. Yeah. Now lick. That’s better. You owe me this, Tori. You owe me this, don’t you?!”

His voice was angry and demanding. I whimpered a small ‘uh-huh’ despite having my mouth full of him. He grunted and thrust into my mouth, nearly causing me to gag. He forcefully held my head down on him and pumped himself in and out when I wasn’t doing a good enough job.

Why was this taking so long? My mouth was sore, and I hated every minute of this. Did all mates experience this? 

“Use your tongue more,” Josh growled. I just wanted this to be over. I did as he said, hoping he would let me go once he was done. I went all in, moaning, licking, sucking, all the things I thought would help make this end faster. He swiftly pulled my head back then and grunted as he reached his climax. To my horror, he shot it on my face. On. My. Face! And then smirked at me in satisfaction.

“That makes your face look less fat. You should wear it more often,” he commented flippantly.

I don’t know what my expression was, but it made Josh unhappy.

“You know what, you’re LUCKY you got me for a mate! But you treat me like garbage! Other girls love bringing their mates pleasure, but you’re just a selfish, ugly little brat! Get out of my sight!” He shoved my head hard, and I fell off the couch. The liquid on my face dripped down onto my shirt with the impact.

Disgusting, I thought, both about the situation and about myself. I was disgusting for treating my mate like I didn’t want or trust him. Something must be wrong with me.

“I-I’m s-sorry, Josh. I know I’m immature. Give me some time. You’re my mate. I’ll try harder for you.” I spoke the words to appease him more than because I felt them in my heart. Josh glowered at me for a second and then relaxed and nodded.

“Tomorrow night I’m not playing around anymore, Tori. I’m going to come to you, and we’re going to mate. Once you’ve done it one time, you’ll want to do it all the time.” He sat back and put his focus back on the movie. I stood up and left, keeping my nasty face low and hoping I didn’t run into anybody.

What does that even mean?  I asked my wolf worriedly. Was being a mate the same as being a s*x slave? I didn’t sign up for this!

 This is not what having a mate is supposed to be. A mate is supposed to treasure and protect us. Your life before his, and his life before yours. Sheila answered me sadly. It’s supposed to be mutual love.

Great. So I ended up with the biggest jerk in the world. Why did the Moon Goddess do this to me? To us?

I...don’t know. I just know that  Josh is not being a good mate to you. You’re not the problem, Victoria.

I reached my room, unlocked the door and stepped inside. Emily was sitting near the door at the desk reading a book. I ducked my head but not in enough time. When she gasped, I knew she had seen Josh’s work.

“Tori? What happened?!” Emily asked in alarm.

“Josh. He, uh, needed some relief.” It wasn’t a complete lie, but she didn’t fall for it.

“Relief? So he forced you?!” 

“No, no. He’s my mate. I wanted to help him. It was...fun.” I raised my eyes to meet hers in order to sound convincing. She looked disgusted, and then she looked sympathetic.

“Don’t lie to me, Tori, and don’t lie to yourself.” She grabbed my elbow and quickly took me into the bathroom and started the shower. “We‘ll talk after you’re clean.”

The shower felt amazing. I cried into the water, letting it cleanse my bleeding heart. I scrubbed my face and exfoliated my skin. I wanted Josh out of even my pores. I think I’ll just burn my shirt. I scrubbed until I took off the top layer of my skin. I felt dirty. I still felt dirty even after showering. Why was having a mate torture?

I stepped out of the bathroom in my fluffy bathrobe, feeling much better now that I was technically clean. Emily was sitting on the couch waiting for me.

“Emily, thanks.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. She knew. She didn’t know it all, but she knew me. She knew I had doubts about Josh. She knew I wouldn’t like what happened downstairs.

Emily held up my phone for a second. A video was playing on it. I could see that it was porn. She cleared her throat, turned the phone back to herself and read, “‘Watch this and try to actually learn something, Tori. I’ll be gentle the first time only. Remember that. Tomorrow night be ready to try some of these techniques. Enjoy this learning resource and thinking of me.’”

She took a deep breath and asked me the question I had been avoiding asking myself. “Is he abusing you, Tori?”

I froze. My eyes widened. Her eyes narrowed.

“No. He’s my mate. I’m the one who is the problem...”

“And he told you that.” She snapped. It wasn’t a question. She knows me very well. Better than my own parents.

“I, um, well, yes.”

“Does he put you down? Tell you you’re ugly? Or stupid?” Emily studied psychology a lot. She was fascinated with a werewolf’s psyche, both the wolf, and the human form.

“Yes.” I had no other answer for her. She sighed, stood up, came over to me, and wrapped me in a tight hug. 

“That’s not normal, Tori. He’s abusing you. You’re better than that. Forget the stupid mate bond. You deserve better than him.”

I started crying. She hugged me as I cried. I cried all night. I cried because she was right. I cried because he was wrong. I cried because I was going to reject my mate. I cried because all of it was unfair. Mostly I cried because I had lost all my hopes and dreams of having a happy life with my mate. I cried from a broken heart.