Letting go of Pain

Chapter 36

"W-what are you doing"? I asked feeling horror fled through my body as I looked at Mikes sinister smile. "teaching you a lesson". Margaret had being in bed all day today, feeling sorrow and grief for John her late husband. Every anniversary Margaret closes everyone off and locks herself in her and Mikes room. Mike unbuckled his belt the grabbed a fistful of my hair bringing his face inches away from mine. "Did you seriously think I would let you get away". Tears built in my eyes I tried getting out of his hold trying my best to push him away. 

But it was hopeless

"did you seriously think I would let you die b***h"! he snarled then spat on me. I felt so disgusted with myself the tears fell down my bruised cheeks like a waterfall. "I-I am sorry". I tried begging for forgiveness he had already done so much damage. If he does anything else he probably will kill me. Mike had just caught me with a rope around my neck and about to jump from a chair.

Now I am going to pay the price in hell.

I whimpered as he started to tell me about the sinister and evil things he wanted to do to me. my bottom lip quivered and my heart felt drained. Why couldn't I just die? Why couldn't my pain just end? "Don't worry little slut you might actually enjoy this". He started to forcefully suck my neck while holding my hands behind my back. My body fell limp under his heavy body and I felt myself drain in defeat. This is just the life I have to accept. 

"Stop fighting princess you might enjoy yourself".

I woke up hearing soft voices around me and a loud beeping noise. My head throbbed making me lightly whimper and cuddle more into the blankets. "She's awake". I heard someone say. "shut the f**k up Luke we can see that she is awake"! another voice whisper yelled. "well SoRry". The person mumbled. I then felt someone move stray hair strands away from my face and lightly caressed my cheek. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Alex smiling softly at me with a hint of sadness in his eyes. I groggily wiped the sleep from my eyes and sat up yawning and stretching. "well morning sleepy head". Alex said moving my hair of my shoulders. I blinked at him then looked around the room and saw that everyone was in the room including dad. Dad sat in the corner of the room with his legs crossed and his elbow on the armrest staring at me with a thinking face. I snapped out of my thoughts when the bed dipped next to me and Bruno wrapped his arms around me side hugging me. I noticed I was still in my own bedroom but I was connected to a machine which monitored my heartbeat and stuff. "w-what happened". My voice croaked and my throat felt a little sore. Milo passed me a glass of water giving me a sad smile and a kiss on the head. My face cringed at the gesture and I couldn't help but shudder at the reminder of Mike. 

"You had a panic attack sweetheart, we came just in time. you gave us all quite a fright". Alex said sitting on the end of my bed giving me a smile. "sorry". I mumbled shifting in my seat uncomfortably. They all stared at me with blank serious faces staring at me closely watching my every move. "Don't be sorry, sweetheart! Never be sorry for something like that"! Alex reassured me, giving me a large warm smile. I gave him a tight small smile in return. Dad then got out of his chair and walked over to me. I watched his every move and every step. He kissed my temple and gently rubbed my back. he then sat directly in front of me and grabbed my hands giving them a small squeeze. "how are you feeling Bambina"? I sighed heavily and weakly nodded. "fine". I muttered under my breath and looked down to my lap. Dad then lifted my chin with his index finger. "never look down especially when your eyes are made of stars what are ready to shine". I looked at him weirdly and my heart warmed but I also felt uncomfortable. I. hate. Compliments. "err you too". I stuttered among my words earning loud chuckles and for dad to look at me amused with his eyebrows raised. Dad then sighed heavily and muttered something under his breath catching my attention.

"Look honey I am not going to beat under the bush but I and all the others think you should start going to a therapist". I choked on my spit and looked at him seeing nothing but red. "what the f**k do you mean therapist". I snarled narrowing my eyes him as well as earning choruses of 'language'. Dads eyes darkened and he narrowed his eyes at me probably waiting for me to apologise or some s**t. I met his eyes my eyes as well as darkening and meeting him with the same cold dark stare. "It is non-negotiable". I then jumped out of bed which seemed to catch everyone off guard. not even caring about the wires what we're attached to me. As I jumped up I ripped all of them in the process. "NoN-NeGoTiaBle my ass! You can shove your f*****g therapist up your uptight royal behind". I growled at them murdering all of them with my eyes. Their eyes all darkened and their faces turned Icey cold and blank. I guess I now know where I got my ice-cold blank stare. "watch your language, Breanna". I scoffed loudly and chuckle to myself. I know I probably looked insane or crazy but the boys look all unfazed and nearly as angry as me. "I. am. not. going"! I clenched my teeth together. "yes you are". Enzo growled at me which made me roll my eyes. I was about to protest but then something clicked and I remembered something.

"what day is it today"? I asked panicked. "7Th of July it is Saturday". I sank back and sat in the seat. The grief and sorrow I felt was unimaginable making tears pickle my eyes. 

"Don't ever leave me, daddy

"I never will my baby girl".

Those words repeated in my head, he said he would never leave...but he did. And today is the anniversary where he broke that promise. The boys looked down at me confused about my total turn of emotions. One minute ago, I was ready to burn the house down with fire from hell now I am ready to cry into a little ball of tears. Dad stared at me confused and placed a hand over my back rubbing it softly. "what's wrong baby"? He whispered softly Bruno draped his arm around my shoulder giving me a tight but comforting squeeze. Then everything clicked. I shrugged Bruno's arm off then narrowed my eyes scrunching my eyebrows together in the process. "Nothing". I snapped glaring at him. "I am going to have a shower". I sat up and got clothes out of my bags to get ready to have a shower. The boys all watched me closely with their blank emotionless face. Dad sighed getting up running a hand through his hair. "This will not be the last time we have this discussion". I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "But after you have finished your shower and got ready you may come down for breakfast". I glared at him my brown eyes darkening. "Well thank you for your permission". I gritted out before stomping to the bathroom then slamming the door.

I was stunned when I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I had a white bandage wrapped around my face and I looked like s**t. I had massive purple bags under my eyes my face was extra paled. I looked lifeless. 

I looked like a girl who has lost all of her help.

I look broken.

I had the water at its nearly hottest temperature. The water burned my skin but I didn't care. I scrubbed my skin harshly making a large ball form in my throat. The ache in my heart was crushingly painful. Once I was finished I got changed not caring about drying my hair. 

**

I didn't speak for the rest of the day. Whenever one of my so-called brothers or if dad tried to talk to me I would just ignore them. At first, they were 'determined' and tried demanding that I tell them why I am ignoring them. But I just blinked blankly at them and then walked away from them. Right now, I am in the library that I locked myself into and sitting on the piano stool looking down at the beautifully polished piano keys. My fingers brushed against the keys lightly and my heart was already thumping more and more quickly. 

"We know full well there's just time

So is it wrong to toss this line?

If your heart was full of love

Could you give it up?

'Cause what about, what about angels?

They will come, they will go, make us special

Don't give me up

Don't give

Me up

How unfair, it's just our love

Found something real that's out of touch

But if you'd searched the whole wide world

Would you dare to let it go?

'Cause what about, what about angels?

They will come, they will go, make us special

Don't give me up

Don't give

Me up

'Cause what about, what about angels?

They will come, they will go, make us special

It's not, about not about angels, angels"

Over the years singing has become something that I have came more and more to love. My voice was first soft and delicate but as the tune got heavier voice grew stronger and more powerful. my heart called for my hero and tears brimmed my eyes as I sang. the lyrics mean so much to me, because maybe just maybe my hero is my angel. Maybe he was playing the same melody only from heaven. 

I miss you.

Today isn't just the day my best friend died but it's the anniversary of when my happiness and hope also died. 

Everything died that day, including me. 

Everybody was silent at the dinner table. A part of me felt guilty for being the cause of this but the other part told me not to care and to remain numb. All your could hear was the knives and forks scratching against the plates and knives and forks scraping against each other. I played with my food twirling it around and moving it into sections. "don't play with your food". Enzo scolded radiating his authority. I clicked my tongue in irritation and gave him an Icey look. "What's wrong with you"? Luke asked in a mocking tone his eyes darkening as he glares at me. "I could ask the same question"? I mocked clicking my tongue. I then continued to play with my food only teasing Enzo further. Enzo banged his fist on the table making me flinch. I looked at him and felt my self-shudder at the cold look he was giving me. I sometimes forget how scary these boneless dickheads can be. 

"What's wrong sunshine rainbow"? I asked batting my eyelashes and smiling sickly sweet at Enzo. "Give me your phone". He clenched his jaw a large vein forming on his forehead. Wow sunshine looks like he is going to burst. "Sure, sunshine I will be happy to oblige here is your phone". I chirped handing the phone to him. I then sat up and dusted of the baggy sweats. I smirked at everyone feeling my smirk slight drop at dad. He stared at me with a blank stare studying me. I felt myself fight the urge to punch that look of his face. he stared at me with half an eyebrow raised as if he was challenging me. 

"If you would excuse me I am going to go to my room now". I didn't wait for anyone to grant me permission. they can shove that up right up their uptight obnoxious behind. I slammed my bedroom door and just laid in bed. Trying and hoping that maybe I can just sleep through the rest of this dreadful horrid day.