Letting go of Pain

Chapter 15

The rest of yesterday was a blur. I didn't come out for dinner and no one came to get me. so that only adds to three possibilities. 

1.)   They hate me 

2.)   They don't care about me.

3.)   They now view me as filth and trouble. Because they caught me smoking. 

To be honest all three of them are true and that's probably what they think. But who am I to give a s**t. I am used to be people judging me. I am used to people viewing me like dirt and trouble. I am used to it. The only person who didn't judge me was Ryan. He never saw me for who I grew up with. For how I dress, for how I look, for what I do. The only thing he actually cared about was who I was. He only ever tried to get to know me. 

Sleep last night was quite impossible. The anxiety of what I feel at night has only increased and the pain in my shoulder is now burning and soaring in pain. I have watched the sunrise. Watching the sun in its orange pink and yellow glory always calms me. Dad on a Sunday would wake me up before it rises so we could watch it together. He said it was because it was sun-day and that we should enjoy the sun.  I never complained I loved spending time with dad. He would always make earl grey tea and cheese sandwiches. We talked about everything and anything. 

No bond was greater than the bond me and dad shared. I shared all my secrets and he did the same. We were best friends. today is going to be terrible. I don't even know if everyone is still going to London with me anymore. They probably hate me and can't stand me. more so than they already did. My door opens and in walks Louis. "Dad wants you to come down and have breakfast". I roll my eyes and nod. "Can't you knock"? He storms to me and snatches my wrist squeezing it tightly. His whole hand wrapped around the bruise. The bruise he left. "Let me go". I grit. He smirks then leans over so he is eye level. 

"You really are just trouble and a burden. What you said last night hurt dad and now we all hate you". His grip around my wrist tightened. "I never wanted a sister and I will never want one. You are nothing to me! you are completely and utterly nothing. no one cares about you! No. one. People just simply pity you". The grip he has is deathly strong and the whimper that left my mouth was unavoidable. Though he didn't care.  The pain on my wrist and shoulder was unimaginable but the pain in my heart was worse. "If you ever hurt my dad again with selfish and attention-seeking act again. I will make your life a living hell". All his words echoed in my head repeatedly. I felt myself breaking because of the amount of pain I felt. He let go roughly causing me to fall onto the floor." Get downstairs now! Also here is your suitcase b***h". He grabs the hard-shell suitcase and throws it to the ground next to me. I flinch but he only looks at me with complete hatred and no remorse.

Once he leaves I curl myself into a ball and find tears falling out of my eyes. Emotionlessly I feel nothing.. all I feel is the broken feeling returning swallowing up my broken heart. I wrap my arms around myself for some comfort. For something ease the heartbreak and rejection. I need to stop myself from caring so much. I hate that I care so much about what they think. They are people who hadn't been there. They are people who left me alone in this world. They are people who made me who I am. I need to get my act together. I have never cared or even cried because of what someone thinks or says to me before at home. So why should I now? 

I rinse my eyes of cold water to help ease my swollen red eyes. I put concealer under my eyes and wrap my hair into a high ponytail.  I walk downstairs confidently and with no care. All conversations end as I walk into the room. Vince doesn't say anything but stares at me closely. "Good morning Breanna". Alex spoke softly giving me a small smile. "Morning fancy man". I put the kettle on and watch the others raising both of my eyebrows at their stares. "Morning don't you all look dashing". My voice is tailed with sarcasm. Louis glares and grumbles something under his breath. Enzo's jaws tighten and he looks like he wants to kill me. "Morning Breanna". Luke smiles.  I smile at him as much as the boys are complete nitwits Luke is probably my new favourite. I smile cheekily at him then back at Bruno. I skip towards the kettle as I hear it click. Pouring myself a large mug of steaming black tea. I sigh in content as I seat in my seat. "We will be leaving in an hour". Vince says sternly sipping his black coffee and reading the newspaper. "Your still all coming"? I said aloud fall of disbelief. I didn't mean to say it out loud but it just spilt. "Yes, yesterday's events will not change anything. no matter what we are family and I stick to that". I roll my eyes and ignore him. If a family is so bloody important where the hell was he the last 15 years. 

"How long will we be staying for"? Vince puts his newspaper down and continues to sip his black poison. "For two days. The court day was moved forward". I nod not letting my anxiety get the best of me. I let my thoughts ponder and build. So much conflict inside me was happening... I knew mike was some drug lord but what will the police be asking me? Do they know what they did to me? Do they know what I have seen and witnessed? Why do I need to go to court? "kay". My voice dole and emotionless

After a quiet breakfast and being ignored I made my way upstairs and got ready. I packed anything I thought I would need. Making sure to pack something nice for the court because I know that you're meant to look presentable or something. I am dreading going there. I would much rather dig a grave and lay in it. But maybe going back could be good. I could tell Frank that it isn't working out with Vince and my brothers. I will go into foster care and everyone will just be a whole lot happier.

I tried carrying my suitcase but because of my shoulder, I can only manage to drag it. I might act tough but I am weak as hell. I have absolutely no muscle. I am trying my best to drag my suitcase when it is pulled from me. I look up to see Luke. "Here let me help". He smiles at me showing off his big white sparkly teeth. "Cheers". I mutter slightly embarrassed by how weak and pathetic I must look. "No problem". He picks up the suitcase with ease and doesn't even look affected by it. which only makes me feel even weaker. All the boys and Vince were standing in the foyer with large suitcases. On their phones and talking quietly to each other. "finally, girls take forever". I glared at Enzo. It's not my fault I had to take extra time because I only have one functioning arm. "Well sorry to keep you waiting sunshine, I didn't realise you had no patience". Enzo was about to step forward probably to yell at me or something but Vince stopped him. "let's get going Greg has gotten the jet ready and is waiting for us". 

"Jet"? Vince sighs and looks at me. "Yes, we are flying with my private jet". My mouth flung open. Jesus these people have money flying everywhere. How on earth am I related to them? We are on the complete opposite ends of the food chain. "C'mon". Bruno grins grabbing my hand before I could snatch my hand away he gently dragged away. 

The private jet basically looked like a five-star hotel. The boys all plonked themselves on the nice leather seats making themselves feel right at home. While me I looked like a deer in headlights. I sat down on the end of the seat and eyed the jet judgmentally. Why would someone spend so much money on this? There is much other things they could spend this on. The boys turned on the tv and started playing some video game with controls. While Enzo, milo, Alex and Vince sat around a table discussing to what presume is business. "Hello, miss would you like anything". The flight attendant was a nice-looking girl. Her red hair was tightly pulled back in a tight bun and she had a natural look. She was really pretty and her green eyes were glistening. "I'm fine thanks". She nodded and walked away. I saw Louis eyeing her carefully with a sinister smirk. I rolled my eyes at him. Of course, Louis is probably going to hunt down the poor innocent girl. I got my baby blanket out of my backpack. It was the blanket I was wrapped in when John found me. it has always comforted me. It makes me feel somewhat wanted in a weird way. It was the one thing that made me connected. 

"What's that"? Bruno asks looking at my name what is stitched cursive in the baby pink blanket. "My blanket". I say ignoring him and cuddling into the couch. "Yes, but who gave it to you". I opened one eye and looked at Bruno. I rolled my eyes and sat up. "I guess it's one thing my biological mother gave me". This caught Vince and the others attention. "Did she leave anything else"? He asked again with wide and hopeful eyes. Looking at how surprised they were. It made me realised they really didn't know that I was chucked away in a bin. They didn't know I nearly died when I was just a day old. "Erm no she did not". I shifted uncomfortably. "I have never asked how you ended up in the hands of Mike and Margaret". Vince asked carefully interlocking his hands. "why is it important". It's a story I hate telling. The only person I have told is Ryan. "I will really like to know". Vince raises his eyebrows at me waiting for me to answer. I sigh in defeat and slump back. "Fine". I murmur. They all look at me waiting for me to tell them. I roll my eyes and sit up. "When I was a day old I was left trapped in a suitcase with barley any air in a trash can. I was in a trash can in a dangerous abandoned alleyway in the middle of London". They're faces shrunk and they all saddened. "I should have suffocated and died. It was probably there plan when they trapped me". I chuckled lightly. "But lucky da-John was on duty at the time and he saved me". I smiled and played with the ends of my hair. "He took me in as his own and raised me. He looked after me and made sure I didn't end up in foster care or in the care of the people who abandoned me. He took me in as his daughter and he became my father". Vince's eyes were filled with sadness and guilt and the others just look sad. "What happened to him". Luke asks breaking the silence. "He died on duty". I say coldly and defensively. 

"Breanna if I had known... I would have taken you in straight away! I am so sorry". Vince looked down and his voice sounded so in pain. I am so bad in these scenarios with feelings and talking. "It's fine. Don't apologize it's not your fault". I fiddle with my fingers unsure if I should say something else. "I'm sorry about how I have acted. It's just um that I have always err hated the people who abandoned me and finding out they didn't. finding out they didn't chuck me out and that they actually cared... it's just... a lot". I avoided their eyes and stared anywhere and everywhere but them, I could feel their burning gazes.  "Its ok Breanna I am just happy that my little girl is here with me now". I looked at him and was caught by a heart-warming and reassuring smile. It was the smile that dad gave me. it was the smile that brightens any child's day. The way he looked at me was the way dad looked at me. it was the way Vince looked at the others.

It was love...