Love and Disdain

Chapter 17

The Unraveling of a Perfect Day

The days had blurred into a quiet comfort that Mariah had come to cherish. The mundane moments, once seemingly insignificant, now held meaning. Each breakfast shared with Sebastian, every evening spent talking about their day, and even the small arguments over who forgot to take out the trash—all of it had woven their lives together in a way she had never imagined.

But as much as Mariah had embraced this new life, she couldn’t ignore the creeping feeling that had begun to cloud her mind. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Sebastian, or that she didn’t want to be with him. On the contrary—she had never been more certain of her feelings. But there was a part of her, a small, persistent part, that had begun to question everything they had built.

Was it enough? Was it the kind of love that lasted?

She hadn’t been able to voice this fear to Sebastian. Not yet. Every time the thought came close to the surface, she pushed it away, telling herself that it was just her overthinking, her old fears creeping back into her life. But no matter how hard she tried to shake it, the question remained: could they really build something lasting, or was it all just an illusion?

It was a quiet Sunday when the c***k in her composure finally showed.

Sebastian had been unusually quiet throughout the day. They had spent the morning painting the guest room in their new home, laughing at how the light blue color didn’t quite turn out the way they had envisioned. The afternoon had been spent on the couch, curled up with a book in hand, a lazy, comfortable silence between them. But even in the quiet moments, she could feel the tension simmering beneath the surface. Something was off, and she couldn’t put her finger on it.

As evening fell, the tension finally broke. They were sitting together at the dinner table, the soft glow of the chandelier above them casting a warm light on the plates of food they’d prepared. Sebastian, who had been unusually distant all day, finally spoke.

“Mariah, what’s going on?”

She blinked, surprised. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been quiet. Different. Something’s bothering you.”

Mariah swallowed, her fork poised mid-air. She hadn’t realized how obvious it had been. “I’m fine,” she said, her voice not quite convincing. She put the fork down and looked away, her mind racing. “It’s just... I don’t know. I’ve been thinking a lot about everything. Us. This life we’re building.”

Sebastian set his fork down, his expression serious. “You’re having doubts.”

She hesitated. “I guess I am.”

He leaned back in his chair, his gaze searching her face. “Mariah... we’ve been through a lot. But I thought we were past the doubts. You said we’d take it one step at a time.”

“I know,” she said quietly. “But I keep wondering if we’re really meant to be here. If we’re really meant to be together, in the way that we think we are.”

Sebastian’s brow furrowed. “What are you trying to say?”

Mariah felt a knot form in her stomach. She had never wanted to hurt him. But the questions she had carried for so long had finally pushed their way to the surface. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just scared of... forever.”

Sebastian didn’t respond right away. His silence was heavy, the weight of her words settling in the space between them. Finally, he spoke, his voice quieter than before.

“I thought we had already decided on forever,” he said. “I thought that’s what we were working toward.”

Mariah felt a pang of guilt at his words. Of course they had talked about forever. She had let herself believe that they were on the same page, that they wanted the same thing. But now, in this moment, she wasn’t sure anymore.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that,” she admitted, her voice shaky. “I don’t know if I ever will be.”

Sebastian’s expression softened, and he reached across the table to take her hand in his. “Mariah, I don’t want you to feel pressured. But I can’t help but feel like there’s something more here that you’re not saying.”

She squeezed his hand, her heart heavy with the weight of her unspoken fears. “I don’t want to lose you. But I’m scared that if we keep going down this path, we’ll end up resenting each other. That I’ll end up resenting you.”

Sebastian’s face remained steady, though the hurt in his eyes was unmistakable. “You think I’d let that happen?”

She shook her head, her voice trembling. “I don’t know. I’ve never let myself get this close to anyone before. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be... all in.”

He sighed, leaning back in his chair. “Mariah, love isn’t about being all in from the very start. It’s about taking it one day at a time, together. There’s no perfect roadmap. There’s no guarantee. But I want to be with you. I want to build something real, something lasting.”

She looked at him, her heart aching with the tenderness in his voice. He was right. She had been so afraid of what the future held that she hadn’t stopped to realize that love wasn’t about knowing everything. It was about choosing each other every day, despite the uncertainty.

But that wasn’t an easy thing to do, not for someone like her—someone who had spent years avoiding commitment, always afraid of getting hurt.

“I don’t know how to stop being afraid,” she whispered.

Sebastian stood up and walked around the table, sitting beside her. He didn’t say anything at first, just held her hand in his. His touch was steady, grounding her as she fought to keep the tears at bay.

“You don’t have to have it all figured out right now,” he said softly. “We’ll figure it out together.”

She let out a shaky breath, feeling the tension in her chest begin to ease. He wasn’t asking for perfection. He wasn’t asking her to have all the answers. He was asking for her trust.

And, for the first time in a long time, Mariah realized that she could give him that.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice small. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You haven’t,” he reassured her, pulling her into an embrace. “You’re not perfect, Mariah. And neither am I. But we’ll work through this, like we always have.”

She wrapped her arms around him, finding solace in the steady beat of his heart. They didn’t need to have everything figured out. They just needed to keep choosing each other, one day at a time.

And for the first time, Mariah wasn’t afraid to do that.

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