All the Sad Little Things

Chapter 1: Pleased to Forget You

Trigger Warning: Themes of Mental and Physical Abuse

Present

“This was a waste of time.” I said as I lifted myself from the bench. He reached over and grabbed my wrist to stop me like he had done so many times before.

“Don’t be like that Emma.” he snickered as he pulled me back down into the booth at the back of the poorly lit diner. It was bad enough I had agreed to this meet up, but then Scott goes and tries to humiliate me now, make me feel small, crack jokes at my expense, after everything he’s already done. My mind wanders and I try to remember if there was ever a time Scott and I had anything good between us. I tried and tried to find any good memory that would justify giving him the time of day, but the bad outweighed the good memories and pulled me back into the nightmare that had recently been my past.

We had met in junior high, the year before we would begin high school. I was a small, slender five foot and three inches with long, light brown hair and baby blue eyes. Not the prettiest girl in school but pretty enough to receive some attention from the boys. I was one of those people who could get along with just about anyone. My mom called me a chameleon because I could blend into whatever dynamic that suited me in the moment. Scott however, he was the dark and brooding type. The cute bad boy. All the girls wanted to get to know Scott because he was such a mystery. Never in a million years would anyone ever imagine that he and I would become a couple. My junior high boyfriend at the time had been entertaining other girl’s advances and had broken my fragile little heart by dumping me at the school dance. Scott was the one to pick up those pieces and help put me back together just by being a friend. A shoulder to cry on. Despite his rough exterior, he was sensitive and caring and I fell so hard.

We became high school sweethearts and you would rarely find us apart. Everyone thought we were so adorable because we were so different yet so compatible. We just clicked. Then, senior year came and everything began to change. I was captain of the cheer squad and president of several clubs which meant I had several responsibilities outside of the classroom. Scott formed his own metal band and acquired a new host of friends and acquaintances. Many of which I did not care for despite my ability to make friends easily. We barely saw each other outside of school because we were both so caught up in our own endeavors. We were being pulled apart slowly by the directions in which we wanted our lives to go. Though the division was small at first, it was just enough to allow the wedge that would ultimately destroy our relationship.

Past

“Where were you?” I snapped at him as I opened the passenger side door and slid into the car. “We are so late and you promised you were going to be here over an hour ago.”

“Would you chill the f*** out!” Scott said through gritted teeth. “We made some changes to the set and lost track of time.” Scott’s band had actually been doing pretty well for themselves, playing shows every weekend at the Blue Violet Cafe. I understood that he was stressed and busy with the guys, practicing and writing new music but tonight was my Honors Banquet and he promised to take me, seeing as how my parents were out of town celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary.

“I was supposed to be there early to help set up and give a copy of my speech to Mrs. Barker.” I said with a little whimper in my voice and a tear rolling down my cheek. Scott had never sworn at me before that moment or had ever raised his voice to me for that matter. We rode in silence to the banquet. We had completely missed the dinner portion of the evening and I barely made it on stage in time to give my speech. I received a stern reprimand from Mrs. Barker on my tardiness and very well may have ruined my chance at the scholarship I’d been working so hard to achieve. I was so incredibly embarrassed. When my parents found out about this, they would be ashamed. They already didn’t care for Scott and this would make it ten times worse. The ride home was nothing but screaming and yelling. I couldn’t understand how he could have been so careless with something that was so important to me and could potentially influence my future.

“You are blowing this way out of proportion and being dramatic. It’s not that important Emma.” Scott kept saying over and over again. “When are you going to grow up and realize that all this sh** you do, preparing for college, doesn’t really matter?” I was so hurt and shocked by his cruelty that I began to see red and I blurted out the first thought that came to my mind.

“Oh! Like you and your band are ever going to actually make it big someday!” I yelled through a flood of tears. My left cheek was met with an intense pain and heat. The right side of my head hit the passenger window and snapped back to the left. It didn’t quite register what had happened until I was left on the side of the road, several miles from my home. I began to slowly make my way in the dark trying to process what had just happened. I finally made it back to my house, unlocked the front door, climbed the stairs to my room, and shut the door behind me. I went over to my vanity, sat down, and flipped the light on. As I stared in the mirror at my tear distorted reflection, I gently touched my red and purple left cheek and softly mumbled to myself, “He hit me.” That was the first time.

Present

I slowly pulled myself out of the memories that came flooding back and realized Scott had been blowing hot air the whole time I was in my thoughts. I was used to doing that with him. Zoning out while he rambled on and on about himself or talked down to me. It had become his favorite hobby, making everyone else around him feel small to make himself feel better or important somehow. Real little d**k energy for sure. I finally had enough and just decided to say what I needed to. “I just need to understand why you did this to me.” interrupting him mid sentence. “Why didn’t you just let me go before things got worse than they already were?” Scott’s face became red and he furrowed his eyebrows. He was mad. Thank God I had insisted on meeting in a public establishment. The waitress brought the bill over and placed it in front of Scott.

“Whenever you two are ready. No rush.” she burst out, smiling at Scott flirtatiously. Scott welcomed the attention and smiled back at her, his anger quickly dissipating as he adjusted his slight erection under the table top.

“There you go starting sh** again. I thought we were supposed to be reconnecting but I guess you just want to be a baby and cry about the past.” Scott was visibly getting pi**** off again as he continued. “I loved you more than anything and I still do. But you changed and you wanted me to change who I was to fit your perfect little vision for your life.” He went on and on like this for what seemed like forever. He always did this. I was the bad guy. I was the one who changed. I was the reason our relationship failed. He worked himself into a tizzy until his word vomit became completely incoherent. When he finally realized he wasn’t even making sense anymore, he let out a loud, “F*** you!”, got up and stormed out. It was a classic Scott move. He would turn you into the bad guy, play the victim, and run away before people really learned the truth.

The few people who were in the diner stared at me and shook their heads, whispering to one another as they tried to piece together what had just happened. The waitress appeared again at the end of the table and with her long lime green nails tapped the bill. “You gonna pay for this then?” she said extremely annoyed.

“Yes. Sorry!” I said as I pulled my credit card from my purse and handed it to her. I sat there, feeling everyone’s eyes on me as I waited for the waitress to return my card. I should have known better. I was never going to get the answers or the closure I so desperately needed.