My heart in flames

Chapter 5

It was about 10.am when the board member had occupied their seats to deliberate the matter before them. The room was packed as all the members were present. Sammy and his team had placed lots of file before the table of each member to peruse and the time frame was very tight.

I sat at the right corner of the entrance where I could follow the deliberations. For brief moment the house went silent as everyone was busy flapping papers here and there. The papers produce some entertain melody to the quite quiet room. 

As everyone eyes' were glued in his or her work I noticed that every time tried to concentrate there was obstruction. Sammy could at regular interval surged to my desk just to pretend that he wanted to sure that I was doing fine with my work. The first time he approached my table, I took it normal, the second and the third one seemed to a rose sensation among my fellow women. I notice secretly that the women were getting concerned with their unyielding attention on me. 

Instantly I realized that this simple but careless act might cause my reputation. I was greatly not pleased. So when Sammy again came to my table for the third time it made other board members to glue their eyes on me also. This prompted me to whisper, “sir, I can see that other people want your attention the way they jerked their heads towards me.”

 “Why do say that?” he seemed surprise.

"Please just look at the two women, the way they look at us suggest that they too need your attention. Their eyes speak volumes. They might even read what is not there.” I whispered, but annoyed at the same time. 

I did not understand why this man could not have the slightest shame to leave me alone. By this time, I have guessed the direction of his sudden interest on me was leading his curiosity but I doubted whether he could succeed. 

To make matter worse Sammy tend to be so much possessed with me at all moment, it was apparent that he had directed his efforts towards me. He could cal me at any time during the day and sometimes at odd hours and not taking into consideration that I was some one’s wife. At this moment I felt great guilt flowing into heart. The guilt that my colleagues would be tempted to read too much in our relationship. 

Once he left my table I swept my eyes cross the room and I saw the reaction of the other members. All their eyes were trained towards me. At the onset I realized that being a board member would do me more harm than good. I was causing an objectionable interest among every one for no reason. While almost all the men in the room were dying for my attention. The ladies in the room felt a bit curious and shy at the same time. I was surprised to get a clue of what these women harbored in their hearts. It was the time tea break and we were enjoying tea when the two women edged to where I stood and we started a conservation. 

“My friend, do you like the board.” one woman called Jane said between laughter.

" I enjoy it. I enjoy the company of everyone around.” They all smiled.

 “Of course everyone is happy here and I would say that your presence has caused a lot of interest. A woman called Cathrine added. I was lost with words, the statement irritated me. After the lapse of a few seconds of thought,

 “lt was a fact that you turn these men’s heads. To say the least, they are almost running crazy with their obsession towart you. 

"We are here for a purpose to help the youths. That is the cardinal principle why this board was created. But if this is the case then I felt sorrow for it, and I believed that everyone’s attention should be to this task ahead.” I said with seriousness in my tone. 

 Once the break was over I went to my desk to concentrate. Just then the chairman broke the silence. "Since we stepped in this hall everything had been quiet except on a few occasions when men could c***k their voices but not a women had said anything. Let us not choke this meeting with silence. Let us engage each other more frequently as possible. This is also an opportunity to learn about each other. Saoja can you say something. I have not heard your voice since we stepped in here."

I felt nervous and my heart leaped immediately. I did not see it coming. Why pick on me to say something at middle of our work? The chairman was very a strong man with muscles and broad noise. He was bit tall and his voice was thin like that of a woman. Since we had an election, nothing had been said between us and I also kept quiet at every meeting. I knew that sometimes my presence provoked their curiosity towards me but l cares the least. I viewed everyone's interest towards me as childish and out of place. I swept the room with my eyes and my unseasness heightened.

 Everyone in the room had their eyes shooting at me. Out of guilt and shame, I rose to speak. "Thank you Mr. chairman for speaking the truth. I have not said anything in this meeting simply, because it is still early to talk. I will talk as we proceed. Otherwise I am with you at all times.” 

My statement seemed to have salivated their dry lips into action. I saw some men wagging their tongues as Sammy had his permeant fixed gazed on me. Fear passed through my veins and abruptly I remembered my discussion with Elisabeth and Victoria and I realized that they had made keen observation of the events in this awesome room. I am like a disaster in waiting in this board meeting. 

I settle down on my seat again with my mind racing in all direction. I now wished that I should not have been part of this team. But I remembered that I must be social, being free to mingle with friends. 

I knew that my major weakness was that sometimes I over did my appearance. I loved my body so much and anything that touched my body I often gave great scrutiny. My clothes were properly chosen with the good colours that matched my state. My shoes though simple but were attractive and fashionable and my hair was always plaited. 

 All these makeups combined with my natural beauty pulled blood out men into my direction. I know that I have killed many men in silence but I also believed that it was not intentional. I often did what I had to do to protect my body and to make me look beautiful. In fact, my love for myself superseded  anything in my entire life. The chairman was very satisfied with my reply and suggested after that the meeting members would swap numbers for easier communication.

 Lunch time arrived sooner than I expected. The interruption within the course of our work made time to travel like an airplane. At lunch time there was several dishes to choice from but I had appetite for fish. I picked one piece and ugali and sat down on one of the tables in our dining room to eat. There were noises everywhere but I ignored them to concentrate in my eating. Just then John a member of secretarial approached my table with his food. I had never talked to the man since I met him at the board meeting except for a few seconds. But that was some days ago when I was serving my food. John happened to be behind and he commented something that prompted my reply,

 “The food looks nice.” He had said.

 “I think so but let us preserve our comments until we taste it.” I commented and swiftly everything went silent again. But now the man was eating besides me and seemed not to pay attention to my presence. What I had realized with John was that he always mindful of business and it seemed I was least in his mind. Even when the likes of Sammy we're drying for me but John seemed not bothered about my appearance. 

John was a short middle aged man but with a few words. His behaviors so far had made me like him unlike the rest who seemed possessed with other people affairs. 

After lunch we all dispersed and Sammy as usual insisted that I board his vehicles up to the stage. I inclined and sat in the vehicle and Sammy drove slowly out of the place to the stage where I was to take the bus to my place. On the way towards the stage he suggested that he should drive me up to my house many kilometers away. But I declined. I reminded him once again that I was somebody’s wife but he seemed not satisfied with my humble plea. Once we had reached the stage, I alighted and before I made a few steps away from him he whispered, 

“let us have lunch tomorrow afternoon.” 

I shrugged in surprise. “Tomorrow will not be a board meeting.” I said. 

"This is a special request from me."

 He surprised me because I was not except that. “I cannot make it tomorrow.” I replied. 

“Please, please, just grand me this honor. The lunch won’t take long.” I paused for a while but he slyly passed a seductive gaze towards me.

 “I will see.” 

Then I rushed to where I had to pick up vehicle to my place.