Breaking The Cycle

Chapter 5

Sarah's POV

*Present Day*

    We've been at my mom's for a little over a week now and it has been amazing. Abby, my sister, came home the day after we got to town and her and I have been catching up on her life. She gets to travel all over the world taking care of animals, really a dream career. Cameron and Lizzi have enjoyed listening to all of her stories and getting spoiled rotten by her, John, and my mom. They haven't asked once when we are going back 'home' and I'm hoping they never do. For the first time in their entire lives, I'm not worried where their next meal will come from or if they will need to sleep hidden away in a closet to keep them safe and nothing feels better than that. They finally see what a family is supposed to be and go to sleep every night with full bellies and a smile on their sweet little faces. I, on the other hand, still haven't been sleeping and spend most of my time checking over my shoulder in fear that Mark will just show up and that will be it. I don't let anyone see my fear, but I know my mom can sense it and she is constantly reassuring me that we are safe now. 

    Abby took me yesterday to get a phone and it feels strange in my hand. She had to teach me how to use it because a lot has changed since I last had access to a cellphone. I think I finally have the hang of it now and the kids are loving being able to watch funny videos and play games on it. They've never been allowed to watch tv and have never even seen a cellphone, except for Mark's from a distance, but he kept it hidden from me, so they had no clue what it is was when I first got it. John keeps making caveman jokes to me since I am so far behind in the world of technology. When I pulled my paper applications out of the diaper bag the other day, I thought he was gonna die from laughter right there on the spot.

    "Are you serious right now Sarah?" he says between laughs. "No one around here has taken a paper application in forever! It's all online now."

    "Oh.." I say a little embarrassed. "It's all I could get and hide from Mark. Will you show me how to go online and do them instead? I really need a job to take care of the kids. It's not y'alls job and I need to prove to everyone that I can be independent."

    "First of all little sis, we got you and the kids no matter what; that is what family is for. Second, you are a fantastic mom and we will all help you get up on your feet in due time, but right now, you need to focus on you. When was the last time you saw a doctor?" he asks, now very serious with me. 

    "Umm... I really don't remember. I know it was before the wedding sometime, but I don't remember exactly." I reply timidly.

    "Are you f*****g kidding me?!" Abby shouts from the kitchen to John and I in the living room.

    Slapping her arm, my mom glares at her, "Language young lady, there are children in the house now!" Turning and walking over to me, "I will get you an appointment set up for first thing in the morning. I'm sure there are some things that you've never had addressed by a doctor." she says as she runs her hand over my wrist. I thought I was hiding the pain well, but I guess my mom noticed that I've been favoring my right hand and since I'm right handed, I guess it would raise suspicions. 

    "I'm okay, really mom. I need to get Lizzi and Cameron a doctor appointment. The last time they went was over a year ago and I know they need check-ups. I'll go another time, but I need them seen first. Is my old pediatrician still in town? I would love for them to go there."

    "I wasn't asking your permission ma'am, I was telling you what is gonna happen. You will go to the doctor in the morning and I will call your old pediatrician and get the kids scheduled for as soon as possible."

    "I can't afford all that mom. I barely will have enough for the 2 of them to get seen and that will be all the money I have saved. I don't have money for myself right now, so I will wait."

    "Again, Sarah, this is not up for debate. You WILL go to the doctor tomorrow and you will NOT argue with me. I will take care of all the costs and you will do what the doctor says and take care of yourself. Also, I will be joining you for your appointment to make sure you do as you are told."

    "Momma, I can't ask you to do that for me. I'm a grown woman and it's my responsibility."

    "You didn't ask sweetheart, I offered. Now, end of discussion. I'm burning the pie arguing with you." my mom finishes as she walks back to the kitchen and pulls her homemade burbun pecan pie from the oven. The delicious aroma fills the house and the kids come running from their room practically tackling Abby as they climb up to the table eager for a taste of pie. My mom has been making this pie for as long as I can remember and it has always been a crowd pleaser. I remember going out in the front yard as a kid with a grocery bag in hand picking as many pecans as I can find scattered across the ground. John, Abby, and I used to race to see who could fill their bag first and as soon as we were done, my mom would sit out on the front porch and c***k and shell them, dropping them in a big 5 gallon bucket as she went. I feel the memory of the sting on the back of my hand from where my mom used to pop us as we reached into the bucket to steal pecans. She swore that for every 5 pecans she shelled, we ate 10 each. Chuckling to myself at the memories, I look over at my children bouncing in their chairs as they shoveled pie and ice cream into their mouths, enjoying the reward from their hard work since they are the ones who picked pecans today. 

    I never thought I could be this happy and have a normal life after everything I've been through. Here I am though; smiling, laughing, and enjoying the little things in life that I didn't know existed. Pulling me from my thoughts, Lizzi comes skipping over to me, ice cream covering her face, "Mommy, mommy! I ate all my pie from grandma, so can I go outside? Please! Pleeeaaasssse!" she begs.

    "How about we get you cleaned up and then we lay down and rest for just a little bit and when we finishing resting, uncle John will take y'all to the park until dinner is ready." I say to her as I turn and smile big at John.

    "Thanks for volunteering me sis. Not like I got a life or anything. What if I had a hot date tonight?" John says sarcastically.

    "You know your whole life revolves around my kiddos and you don't date, you hook up." I say laughing at him. "Plus, cute kids at the park with their loving uncle is a total chick magnet. Go use them to your advantage." I laugh a little harder as I go to clean off Lizzi's face and then turn to chase after Cameron who hates having his face cleaned.

    "Screw the nap, let's go to the park now kids! Hurry get your shoes on so we can leave." John says as he jumps up from the couch, eager now to take the advice I gave him, surely hoping to pick up a girl or 2 knowing him.

    "Can we mommy? Can we?" LIzzi asks.

    "Sure honey, but behave and don't cause any trouble for your uncle. You 2 stay with him at all times and mommy will see y'all on a little bit." 

    "Thank you mommy! You're the bestest mommy ever!" She says before running off to pull on her shoes and then helps Cameron get his on. I walk over to where there are at the front door waiting on John and kiss the tops of their heads, reminding them how much I love them. Finally John comes walking down the hall dressed in a pair of navy blue shorts matched with a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He has his hair combed to the side and shades pulled up on top of his head, finishing the outfit with a pair of sperry's. He does a little runway turn for us and proceeds to take the kids and strut out the front door. My mom, Abby, and I burst out into a fit of laughter as soon as the door shuts behind them unable to hold it in any longer. John really is full of himself, but like momma always said, 'he's not conceded, he's convinced' and I've never heard anything more true when talking about John. He is a firm believer that he is God's gift to women and that's why he doesn't settle down, because it would't be fair to all the other women in the world, if he tied himself down to just one woman. He is definitely crazy, but we all love him none the less.

    Now with John and the kids gone, the house is just too quiet. Mom and Abby have wondered outside to check the little garden out back and I'm cleaning toys up in the room I share with Lizzi and Cameron, the same room where I spent a whole lot of my childhood. As I place firetrucks and baby dolls into the old wooden toy chest, I notice it still has my name written in crayon on the side. Mom always said she was gonna sand it down and put a new finish on it, but I guess she never got around to it. Funny to think, that 15 years ago, this chest was filled with all of the toys John, Abby, and I played with. I run my fingers over the letters of my name colored so neat across the left side of the chest. How can one little room with a bed and an old toy box hold so many memories, I wonder.