Breaking The Cycle

Chapter 8

Sarah's POV

*Present Day*

    "Deep breath Sarah, deep breath." I repeat to myself as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Tonight is my date with Austin and I've been a nervous wreck since I woke up. I adjust my dress, a knee length soft blue summer dress and double check the little bit of makeup I applied before I turn and go back to the bedroom to slip on my sandals. I'm aiming for a casual, but dressy look for the date since I have no clue where we are going. Yesterday evening Austin text me after getting my number from Abby and told me to be ready by 6:30, but gave no other details. Slowly, I head into the the living room where my mom, John, Abby, and my kids are waiting on me.

    "Well don't you just look beautiful sweetheart!" my mom says looking up from her phone at me as I enter the room.

    "You clean up pretty good sis, just be careful out there. I don't trust no kid with my sister." John says as he rolls around on the floor with Lizzi and Cameron.

    Getting up off the floor, Cameron comes over to me and tugs at the bottom of my dress to get my attention, "Mommy, are you going bye-bye?"

    "Yes honey, I'm going to have dinner with an old friend, but I'll be back in time to say prayers and tuck you and LIzzi into bed." I reply as I bend over and pick him up and give him a soft squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. Putting him back down, I turn to Lizzi, "Come here sweet girl. Mommy needs you to be my big girl and help grandma and your aunt and uncle with Cameron tonight and if you do a super awesome job, I'll take you and Cameron to get a prize tomorrow."

    "Yes ma'am momma, I'll be the best big helper ever for you!" Lizzi says with the most beautiful smile stretched across her face. Just as I kiss her cheek and hug her, there is a knock on the door. Standing back up, I straighten my dress and take a deep breath, bracing myself for tonight. I open the door and there is Austin looking better than ever in dark denim jeans, his cleaned up boots, a blue button down shirt, and to finish the look, a cowboy hat that he immediately removes when he realizes I'm the one who opened the door.

    "Wow, you look..wow! You are beautiful Sarah. Here, these are for you." he says handing me a small bouquet of daises, my favorite flower. Abby must have told him, because this is not common knowledge.

    "Thank you Austin. This is very sweet." I turn and hand the flowers to Abby to put in a vase for me. "And you look pretty great yourself. We even match!" I say with a chuckle looking him over one more time. Suddenly at my feet I feel 2 sets of warm hands on my leg, looking down and I see Lizzi and Cameron both standing there looking up at Austin, catching his attention.

    "Awe cute kids. Who's are they?" he asks as he bends down to shake their hands.

    "Umm... They're mine. This is Lizzi and Cameron. You 2, this is Austin, mommy's friend, but y'all will call him Mr. Anderson." I say looking down at the two of them still staring at Austin with wide eyes. "Alright, well let's get out of here before it gets too late. We'll be back soon mom. Lizzi. Cameron. Remember what I told you. I love you both." I finish as I head out the door with Austin walking across the yard to his truck. He steps to the passenger side and opens the door for me, taking my hand and helping me into the seat before going around and getting in the driver seat. Starting the truck out, he turns to me with curious eyes and then looks away and starts out the driveway and heads towards town.

    "So where are we going?" I ask after a few minutes of silence.

    "How old are they?" he asks, ignoring my question. I know he is asking about Lizzi and Cameron, but I don't answer him directly.

    "How old is who?"

    "How old are your kids? Lizzi and Cameron, right?"

    "Oh.. Umm.. Yea that's right. Lizzi is the oldest she is 5 and Cameron is 3, but will be 4 next month."

    "Hmm.. That's cool." he says with zero emotion in his voice and a strange look on his face.

    "Look, if you have a problem with my children, then just turn this damn truck around and take me home! We've been through too much to let some asshole come in and make things worse!" I practically scream at him, letting my temper take over me. "I knew this was a bad idea from the start." I finish, saying more to myself than out loud for him to hear.

    "Whoa woman! Calm down! Geez!"

    "Do NOT tell me to calm down Austin Anderson!" I scream at him.

    "I will tell you to calm down, because you are overreacting. I have no issue with your kids Sarah, in fact, I love kids, I was just a little surprised. I never pictured you as the girl to have kids, I figured as soon as you got out of this town, you'd be living the high life in a big city somewhere not tying yourself down to anyone or anything."

    "Well obviously you don't very much about me at all."

    "I know I don't, that's why I asked you out. It's been so many years since I saw you, I wanna know everything there is to know about you." he smiles looking over at me. "So tell me Sarah, who are you?"

    Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I try to think of what to say to him. I don't really want to tell everyone my business, I don't trust people, but something about him makes me feel like I can pour my heart out and he'll keep it all and now run around town. "Well, to start, I'm married." I feel the truck jerk a little to the side before straightening back out.

    "So then tonight is just friends having dinner, not a date? Cause I'm not into being a home wrecker. " he asks, disappointment filling his voice.

    I laugh lightly, "You are not a home wrecker, Austin and I thought this was a date, but if you would rather it be just 2 friends to dinner, then that's is fine."

    "No, no! I definitely want this to be a date, but you just said you are married."

    "Yes, I am married, but I am in the process of filing for a divorce, it's just a very tricky situation."

    "What do you mean?" he asks as he pulls into the parking lot of a little Italian restaurant.

    "Well.." I start, but stop before telling him the truth. What if he picks up and runs?  I really don't want to scare him off before we've even had our first date. "Umm.. never mind. It's a long story, let's just enjoy dinner. I love Italian food!"

    "We can enjoy dinner and you can tell me everything while we eat. Nothing you say is going to scare me off, I promise."  he says as if he can read my mind. He smiles at me, looking deep into my eyes before cutting the truck off and climbing out coming around to my door and helping me out. We walk into the restaurant and Austin tells the young lady at the front his name and after checking the paper in front of her, she grabs the menus and walks us to a table tucked off in the back. The section is dimly lit and there is a single yellow rose on the center of our table. Austin pulls my chair out for me and after I have sat down, he makes his way over to his chair sitting down across from me.

    "This is so beautiful." I say looking around the room.

    Never taking his eyes off of me, he replies "Yes you are beautiful." A blush creeps up over my cheeks and I'm thankful the lighting isn't that great so he can't see.

    "Thank you Austin." I mumble, soundly very shy around him.

    "So, back to our conversation. Tell me about this divorce."

    "Oh..well..we've been married 6 years and he beat me almost everyday of our marriage. Right before I left, things had gotten really bad and I was scared he was going to start to take his anger out on my babies, which he had never done before. I knew it was time to get out of there and one evening a few weeks back, the kids and I left for the grocery store and just never went back. For the first week I was worried he was looking for us and would find us and kill us, but it's been almost a month now and I know he has probably already moved someone else into our house and forgot the kids and I even existed. He never was faithful and I don't know that he ever loved me, I was just an easy target." a singe tear rolls down my cheek, but before I can wipe it away, Austin's hand is on my cheek and he gently wipes my tear away with his thumb. I look up into his eyes and they look pained. "So, yea. That's basically everything to do with my marriage and why I have to be careful about the divorce. I have to make sure I have restraining orders in place, all my evidence pulled together so that he can't try to fight for Lizzi and Cameron, and that he never finds where we are because nothing can stop his anger."

    "Sarah, I'm.." Austin starts and then pauses going into deep thought before finishing. "I am so sorry Sarah. You don't deserve any of that and I'm happy you made it out, but I'm gonna be honest with you for a minute. I really thought you were smarter than that. After everything your dad did to you and.."

    "Wait, how did you know about my dad?" I ask, interrupting him.

    "It's a really small town, Sarah. People talk and there is no way in this world you were as clumsy as you tried to say you were. Everyone knew what he was doing, but he was too dangerous for anyone to try anything to get rid of him. Anyways, back to what I was saying. After all the abuse as a kid, I thought you had more common sense than to put yourself into the exact same situation that you were already saved from once. And then to have kids with the bastard. It just doesn't make any sense to me."

    Before I can reply, the waitress walks over to take our order, both of us ordering the 4 cheese lasagna with a side salad. Austin orders us a bottle of wine to enjoy while we eat and the waitress walks off to place our order.

    "Look Austin, I've already beat myself up enough for how stupid I am, I really don't want to hear it from you too. And it wasn't always bad, we dated for a year prior to getting married and he was a perfect gentleman. He never laid a hand on me till the first night of our honeymoon. I knew then I needed to run, but a few weeks after the wedding I found out I was pregnant with Lizzi. When I told him, he was excited for a little bit and then started accusing me of cheating and saying she wasn't his. I swore after I had her, I would never have another child with him, but he got really drunk one night and came home and forced himself on me. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant again. He would tell me I did it on purpose and that it wasn't his all the time. After Cameron was born, every time he forced himself on me, he would make me take a plan B pill right after. While married, he took away all forms of communication and rarely let me leave the house alone. I had no control of my situation. I was stuck and I hate myself for it. But damn it Austin, I'm trying to do better." I rush it all out it frustration.

    "Deep breath hun. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I just know you don't deserve all the crap you've been through. You deserve all the happiness in the world and if you'll let me, I'd love to be the one who makes you happy and treats you like the queen you are." he says reaching across the table wrapping his hands around mine making me instantly relax. I'm scared of how comfortable I am with him. I know we've known each other for years, but so much has changed since we were kids and we don't really know each other like we did when we were younger.

    Finally our waitress comes over with our food and 2 wine glasses, another waiter behind her with the wine on ice. Setting our plates and glasses down on the table, she reaches over and pours us each a glass of wine before walking away. We dig into our food, conversation becoming very little as we ate. A series of 20 questions commenced between bites and we learned little facts about each other like favorite color and bands we listen to the most. Sitting back in my chair, wiping my face with my napkin, I smile, content with my current situation.

    "Thank you for dinner, Austin. This was delicious and it was nice to talk with you."

    "I really enjoyed myself too. Now come on, let's get you home. I'm sure Lizzi and Cameron are missing you." he smiles at me reaching over to take my hand and help me up from the table. He keeps his fingers intertwined with mine as we walk back through the restaurant, stopping only to hand the waitress the money for the bill, telling her to keep the change for her tip. We make our way outside and to his truck, still hand in hand. He then helps me into my seat and goes around and climbs into his seat. We drive back to my house in silence, but out of the corner of my eye, I see him constantly looking over at me smiling while he holds tight to my hand. When we get to my house, he again helps me out of his truck and walks me to the front door.

    "I really did have a great night Sarah and I'd love if you let me take you out again. This weekend maybe, if you want, there is a going to be a carnival out at the fair grounds and I think Lizzi and Cameron would love it and I could get to know them more and spend time with the most beautiful woman in the world." he says as he pulls my hand up to his mouth kissing it softly.

    My breath catches in my throat, but I manage to stutter out, "Y..Y..Yea that sounds great Austin. It's a date!"

    "YES!" he shouts a little too excited. "I mean, yea awesome, I can't wait." he chuckles, slightly embarrassed by his initial reaction. I laugh quietly to myself at his excitement and then look up into his gorgeous blue eyes. I stare into his eyes for a few moments, him staring back into mine and the next thing I know, his lips are pressed to mine, kissing me gently. I pause for a moment, before kissing him back, deepening the kiss and wrapping my arms up around his neck, tangling my fingers into his hair. His hands grip my sides and pull me closer into him as his tongue finds it's way into my mouth, now kissing me with a passion I've never felt before. All too soon, he pulls away, but never removes his hands from my sides.

    "Umm.. I'm gonna go ahead and go so you can get in to your kids, but tonight was really wonderful and I can't wait for this weekend." he smiles sweetly at me.

    "I really loved tonight too and I'm looking forward to this weekend. Thank you again for a good night out. I'll text you later."

    "Sounds good. Goodnight Sarah. And thank you again." he pecks my lips softly one more time and then walks away to his truck; climbing in, starting it, and pulling away.

    Once I calm my heart down a little, I head into the house, a smile spread across my face. No one is in the living room, which I am thankful for, but I can hear my mom and kids down the hall in our bedroom. I make my way to the room and go in kicking off my sandals and heading to the bathroom to wash my face and get into my pj's. When I finish, I go back out to the room just as my mom is getting the kids ready for bed. I help her dress them in their pj's and tell her all about my night with Austin and that we have plans again for this weekend with the kids. I say prayers and tuck the kids into their bed and then turn to my mom telling her goodnight before she heads out the room. Turning the light off, I go climb into my own bed and stare up at the ceiling unable to relax enough for sleep. Tonight was one of the best nights of my life and I'm scared if I go to sleep, when I wake up it will have all been a dream. Eventually exhaustion wins and I begin to drift off into a peaceful sleep, feeling blissful and happy for once.