The Life We Pretended

episode 8

The feeling didn’t wait anymore. It didn’t stay quiet or hidden like before. It moved first, before Aru could think, before he could stop it, before he could even understand it. The moment he opened his eyes that morning, it was already there—steady, present, impossible to ignore. He lay still for a few seconds, staring at the ceiling, and the first thought that came to him wasn’t about school, or his parents, or even himself. It was simple. I’ll see him today. That thought alone made his chest feel lighter, and that scared him a little. “…Why does that matter so much?” he whispered, but he didn’t try to push it away. He got up, walked to the mirror, and paused longer than usual. His reflection looked the same—soft face, long hair, the life he had always known—but his eyes looked different. More aware. More searching. He adjusted his hair carefully, smoothing it down again even when it was already perfect. “…Why am I trying this hard?” Still no answer. But he didn’t stop.

Breakfast felt slower. His mother noticed immediately. “You’re taking too long.” “Sorry,” Aru replied, sitting down. His father didn’t say anything, just watched quietly for a second before looking away again. “Don’t get distracted at school,” his mother added. “Focus on what matters.” “…I will,” Aru said, but even as he said it, he knew he wouldn’t. Because something else already mattered more, and he didn’t know when that happened.

The moment he stepped into school, everything faded into the background. Voices, footsteps, conversations—all of it became distant noise. His eyes moved on their own, scanning the space without thinking, searching with a kind of urgency he didn’t even realize he had. And then—he found him. Rei was standing near the corridor, talking to someone. A boy from another class. They were just talking. Nothing special. Nothing important. Just normal. But Aru stopped walking. His steps slowed, then completely paused for a second. “…Oh.” That was all he said, but the feeling inside him shifted in a way he couldn’t explain. It wasn’t pain. It wasn’t anger. It was something unfamiliar, something uncomfortable, like something was slightly out of place.

“Aru!” his friends called, pulling him out of that moment. “You’re early today.” “…Yeah,” he replied, forcing a small smile. But his eyes didn’t stay with them. They moved again, back to Rei. Still talking. Still not looking his way. “You’re staring,” one of his friends whispered teasingly. “I’m not.” “You are.” “…I’m not.” They laughed softly. “Relax. We trust you.” That made him pause for a second. They weren’t questioning him. They weren’t doubting him. They were just… there. Supporting him like always. And yet, even that didn’t pull his attention away. Because Rei still hadn’t looked at him.

During class, it got worse. Aru tried to focus, tried to write, tried to listen—but his thoughts kept drifting back to the same image. Rei talking to someone else. Rei not noticing him. Rei being… normal, just not with him. “…Why does that bother me?” he thought, pressing his pen harder against the paper. It didn’t make sense. There was no reason for it to matter. And yet—it did.

When lunch came, he didn’t wait this time. He stood up immediately. “I’ll be back.” “You don’t even try to hide it anymore,” one of his friends laughed. “…Do I need to?” he replied quietly. They smiled. “No. Just don’t get hurt.” That sentence stayed with him. Even as he walked. Even as he reached the tree.

Rei wasn’t there.

Aru stopped. Looked around. Nothing. “…Again?” he whispered. He checked the usual places. The corridor. The stairs. The empty spots where Rei sometimes stood. Nothing. The feeling in his chest tightened slightly. Not sharp. Just uncomfortable. He went back to the tree and sat down slowly. “…Maybe he’s late.” So he waited. One minute. Two. Five. The quiet place didn’t feel calm today. It felt empty. “…Why does this feel worse than it should?” he murmured, staring at the ground.

“…You’re here early.” Aru looked up quickly. Rei. Standing there like nothing had changed. Like nothing had happened. “…You’re late,” Aru said immediately. Rei blinked. “…I’m not.” “You are.” “…You came early.” A small pause. “…Maybe,” Aru admitted, looking away.

Rei sat beside him like always. Same distance. Same calm presence. But the silence between them felt different now. Slightly tense. Slightly unsure. “You were talking to someone,” Aru said suddenly. Rei glanced at him. “…Yeah.” “Who?” “A classmate.” “…Oh.” Aru looked away again, trying to keep his voice normal, trying to keep everything normal. But it wasn’t.

“…Does it matter?” Rei asked quietly. “…No.” The answer came too fast. Too sharp. Even Aru noticed it. Rei watched him for a moment. “…You’re different today.” “…Am I?” “Yeah.” Aru hesitated. Then, without fully thinking, he said it. “…It felt weird.” “What did?” “…Seeing you with someone else.”

Silence.

Rei didn’t react immediately. He just looked at Aru, calm as always, but more focused now. “…Why?” he asked. Aru looked down at his hands, fingers slightly tense. “…I don’t know.” That answer again. But this time, it felt smaller. Less certain. Almost like he was hiding something from himself.

“…Okay,” Rei said finally. He didn’t push. He didn’t question further. And somehow, that made it worse.

The rest of lunch was quieter than usual. They still sat together. Still stayed in the same place. But the easy calm from before was slightly different now. Not gone. Just… changed.

After school, they walked together again. Like always. But today, there was a small gap between them. Not big enough for others to notice. But enough for them to feel. “…You’re quiet,” Rei said. “…You too,” Aru replied. “…I’m always quiet.” “…Not with me.” Rei paused at that. Just for a second. “…Maybe,” he said.

They reached the crossing and stopped. Like always. Routine. Familiar. Safe. But today, neither of them moved immediately. “…See you tomorrow?” Aru asked. “Yeah,” Rei replied. But this time, it didn’t feel as simple as before.

That night, Aru sat by his window, staring outside. The world was quiet. Still. But his thoughts weren’t. “…I didn’t like that,” he admitted softly. Saying it out loud made it real. “…I didn’t like seeing him with someone else.” He paused, gripping the edge of the window slightly. “…Why?”

Across the city, Rei sat in his room, leaning back against the wall. “…He noticed,” he murmured. Not surprised. Just… aware. He closed his eyes for a moment. “…So did I.”

Two lives. Still unchanged. Still hidden. Still following the same rules they had always lived by. But now—something new had entered between them. Not just closeness. Not just comfort. Something more complicated. Something that could hurt. And for the first time—both of them felt it.