Sweeter than Cake [MxM] [English Version]

09 / Taking a Risk

"Rui... I hope you understand Lynx. Lynx's father was very hard on him since he was a kid and I also regret that I couldn't give him enough love at that time. So when Lynx found Rui who could make him comfortable, he really took care of your friendship. Sometimes the ways could not been understood by others."

Charlotte Olivine's words kept ringing in my head as I washed my face with water from the sink at Sweet Delight Bakery. Yes, I've already realized that Lynx's way of maintaining relationships never be understood by others. Even I, who always tried to understand, was not ready to accept a surprise like what happened earlier.

"Every time I turn I catch Lynx staring at the two of us. It seems you two are very hard to separate."

This time, Manna's words at lunch crossed my mind.

Lynx's displeased face also flashed when I said Manna was taking me to lunch. Just like the first time I had chosen to team up with Kai in middle school to help raise his grades. Lynx also had took issue with it.

"You know, Rui. Your friend is that possessive. Nothing else," I muttered as I looked at my reflection in the mirror.

After I made my way back from washroom, I saw Lynx has left cashier while the employees bowed half to him. So I walked fast to VIP room to take my stuff then followed Lynx who was in car right now.

Lynx was driving silently when the car lead to my house. Like a couple fighting, Lynx only looked straightly at the road and my eyes were on the car's side window all the way. Even Lynx didn't look at me at all when I got out of the car and said thank you

Lately my mind has been in a mess for sure because of a lot of things that have happened. Starting from the gossip about me and Lynx which at school. A Lynx problem that I didn't fully understand. Until Lynx's actions become more and more confusing.

Yes... it's possible that I'm still not objective enough in dealing with Lynx.

But still...

How could Lynx do something weirdly like that..?

Deliberately pulled my hand to hug. I can still neutralize things like that. But licking the cheek... almost on the lips...?

And also the Lynx question earlier...

What will I do if it turns out that Lynx was deliberately keeping me from being close to other people?

Rui, think about what can calm you down right now. Come on, you're used to thinking about the various possibilities that can happen.

Maybe Lynx just doesn't want me to be close to Manna. Like he said, Lynx couldn't let me get close to someone who was aggressive.

Yes, maybe....

But why am I only thinking of the possibility from one side?

What if everything Lynx does leads to one thing?

And what am I going to do if... it turns out that Lynx likes me?

No.

Even at the school I always answered questions about whether Lynx liked me from Kai and the other students casually. Means my mind does not accommodate the possibility.

Which means there's no chance that Lynx likes me.

Yes, there is no possibility of that.

Or...

Actually I always reject that possibility?

Is it still possible?

Is it possible that my mind already knows, but always refuses?

Why?

You just dismissed that possibility Rui.

Why did you refuse?

I covered my whole body and head with the blanket and lay face down on the bed. As if I could fall asleep as soon as all the bedding was attached to my body. I locked myself in my room for three hours but not for a second did I feel sleepy.

Choosing to avoid Lynx was an automatic choice I made after learning something had gone wrong with what had happened in Sweet Delight earlier. And that automatic choice comes from a pretty strong instinct of mine. That instinct tells you that you may lose your best friend if you choose to continue the conversation.

I wasn't ready to answer when Lynx confessed his feelings for me. I wasn't ready to give the usual response and told him to wait for my answer. The only response I could give was silence. And that will obviously make the situation even worse. Lynx waited and I gave no answer.

Yes, I can only be silent.

Because I still hasn't accept if Lynx was gay.

"AAARGH!"

I screamed at the point when my head was about to explode. Not long after I screamed out, I heard a car parked in front of the house. I peeked out from under the blanket and found that my bedroom's scene had changed from light to dark.

I hastily jumped from the bed then descended the stairs. I was afraid Mom would be worried about me when she knew I was already in my bedroom without turning on terrace lamp.

"Oh my.. only son. What's with your face?" Mother asked looking at me with dilated pupils.

"I'm not feeling well. I'm sorry I didn't call you."

"Well, you go back to sleep. I'll make soup for you," Mom said while stroking my messy hair.

I kissed Mom's forehead and then climbed the stairs to shut myself back in the room. I just lied to Mom because I couldn't give reason why I was so messed up like this. I thought I couldn't just say "I think Lynx is gay. Do you know whom does he like? It is me, Mom!"

I shaked my head several times before reach the door. Maybe I has been crazy enough if I neutralize what I had thought before.

What I needed right now was some deep breathing for calming down. I was doing that deep breathing with my hand opened bedroom door. And somehow it worked for a while. But just as I sat down on my bed, new possibility crossed my mind.

Had Lynx been trying to lure me in bit by bit?

How long had he been waiting to go any further like this?

If Lynx had been waiting to tell me all this time, couldn't he have waited any longer?

Do I have to choose in the end and can't avoid it?

At one point I was too tired to think. And finally physically my body can no longer stem the effects of the overload of thinking.

A long corridor.

I ran and kept running.

I found one door.

I tried to open the door but there was no handle.

I've been trying to figure out how to open it.

Can not.

I shouted.

What am I shouting?

What is....

All scene after scene flashed through my dreams like a low resolution movie trailer. The details of each scene cannot be clearly recorded by me and I do not know if there was a relationship between one scene and another.

I haven't had this strange dream in years. Maybe this dream comes back when my mind was too tired. I've also forgotten how I was when I last dreamed like this.

But it feels like there were scenes that add up. In my old dream, I didn't scream. Is this part of dream continued or because I was screaming before?

I opened my eyes and the phone screen next to my head was on. In an instant, my mind erased the dream information and replaced it with more real information.

Is Lynx sending messages?

My eyes narrowed when I saw an unknown number in the notification column. And stupidly I was little dissapoint when Lynx was not that sender. Turns out Lynx wasn't trying to reach me.

I lifted my back from the bed and positioned myself to sit. After wiping away the feeling of disappointment, I opened a message from an unknown number.

"You don't need to look for us anymore. We will come to you after school."

It's impossible for a terrorist to reveal his identity without planning any strategy. Was this message sent on Lynx too?

I glanced at my desk. A bowl and a glass were there. Then my gaze shifted to the corner of the table. A box had been placed there for days, waiting for the right time to open.

*****

Not making eye contact with Lynx was something that has never happened before in my memory. I still couldn't do conversation with Lynx like I used to. And Lynx didn't seem to be taking the initiative to talk to me either.

During lunch, Vanilla gave me weird looks after she tried to ask a lot of questions but got no answer from me. It seemed that Vanilla was also asking for an answer by staring at Lynx non-stop. Neither Lynx and I uttered a word.

"You guys are so scary when didn't say a word like this," Vanilla said before she finally decided to enjoy her meal instead of minding my and Lynx's business.

I stole a glance at the figure in front of me. Nothing changed from the look on Lynx's face. He remained calm with a sharp look in his eyes.

If I didn't have appointment before, maybe I planned to ask Lynx briefly afterschool. But not today. I needeed to check unknown number who had sent me message afterschool.

The men's restroom was almost always full just before the break is over. So I always use the free time between the first and second lessons after a break to go to the toilet.

The cellphone in my trouser pocket vibrated right after I finished washing my face in the sink. The message from the person I was waiting for from yesterday only appeared now. If Lynx just sent message like this instead of telling me directly, my instinct was telling me something wasn't right.

"You go home with Jonathan. I'm going home first. I have something to handle."

What is the problem at his house that Lynx has to go home before school ends?

What makes Lynx unable to wait about one hour to go home?

Another assumption has been popped up in my mind. Seems like the terrorist purposely made me have to deal with him alone.

Huft. Okay. At least I also have to prepare something now.

When I returned from the toilet, the two seats in the left corner of class 10-C were empty. It seems that Lynx came home by Vanilla's car.

For some reason, the last lesson of school seemed to go very slowly for me. I didn't pay attention at all. After the end of school bell rang, I immediately checked my cellphone. No news whatsoever.

"Is the problem solved?"

I sent a welcome message before adding the invitation to go out to eat that I had planned in my mind. After a night of simulating the dialogue in my head, I decided to take Lynx out for dinner tomorrow night. Of course after finishing other things first today.

All the students got up from their seats and walked out of the classroom one by one. Kai looked at me. I show the back of my hand from afar. Indicates I was taking care of something before going home.

When all the students were busy with themselves, I opened the plastic that was on my cellphone case so that a clear layer was seen there. I fasten the plastic glue on case's phpne to the bottom of the Lynx table behind my seat. From another trouser pocket, I took out another cellphone then I pressed the button to make a call.

After Kai left the class, the only one in class 10-C was me. It wasn't long before I could hear some noise outside the classroom.

I got up from my seat. Approaching three familiar figures were blocking the two exits of this class. Two people at the front door and one person at the back door. I was squinting to them one by one while looking at Gilbert who seemed to be in a good mood.

"Wow. I'm quite surprised this little fellow is really all alone," Gilbert said disdainfully.

Despite the size of the three of them, I was the same height as Gilbert and taller than the other two friends. I don't know where the little boy's vocabulary could come from.

One of Gilbert's friends forcibly pulled the bag slung over my right shoulder, then took out all its contents. And one of his other friends fumbled in all the pockets in my shirt and pants.

"You made a call? Hahaha... we won't hurt you. Did you call your bodyguard? On what basis are you going to arrest us?" Gilbert said as he hung up the phone on my cell phone.

After Gilbert's two friends finished rummaging through all my belongings, Gilbert gave a signal with a flick of his head. That two guys. Even if I learn taekwondo, there's no way I can win against them. That's not what I'm aiming for right now though.

I just thought of some reasonable possibilities for these three to do. Maybe they just tried to silence me. Tie me to a chair. Or force me to talk to whatever they do. But who would have thought that they were so intent on giving me a drug too.

****

Before I woke up, again I had the same dream as last night. But suddenly the dream turned to what happened in Sweet Delight. Lynx was approaching my face. Kissed my cheek. Then his tongue moved down towards his chin. Then my neck.

Hey... hey...

Why can't I move?

Why can't I make a sound at all?

There is something odd about this scene. Even this time there was a hand that moved around my body and the movement was so real. Even though the hand was blocked by the shirt I was wearing, I could feel the touch after touch which gave me goosebumps.

Why does my body react to that touch?

There were noises. But I can't see where the sound is coming from. I closed my eyes. Then tried to force open it.

Finally I can get out of that strange dream. I woke up with a headache. My body was very difficult to move. Even I felt like this body was not my usual body.

What strange feeling am I feeling right now?

"Oh, he's awake!" A voice from someone I don't know.

I squinted because of the bright light that made me dazzle. I tried to digest my surroundings with my vision and consciousness that haven't work fully.

There are five other people in this room. A room filled with cupboards around the walls. Several tables. And the camera?

Why is there a camera staring at me?

I was sleeping on the sofa helplessly. I just wear a white shirt -without a tie-, pants and socks. I don't know where my blazer, shoes and tie went.

Why was I unconscious before?

Oh, I've remembered. One of Gilbert's friends covered my mouthand nose with a handkerchief. That must have been what knocked me out. But it didn't seem like the handkerchief is what makes my body weird like this.

"How do you feel, little one?" Gilbert asked raising my chin with his hand.

I didn't know what he was thinking, he put his thumb on my tongue. Playing his finger from tongue to lips and makes my lips wet.

"Hh...."

And out of nowhere this breath sound came from. It was as if my mouth was making a sound by itself.

"Crazy.... this little kid can show a sensual face like this," Gilbert said ending with a perverted smile.

"Hahaha... watch out you've been seduced by him, Gilbert."

"Try to play with him. His face is pretty enough to seduce you."

I felt like punching Gilbert right now for his treatment and words to me. But I still couldn't move my whole body. I should have taken a bite as soon as his finger went into my mouth.

Gilbert had already moved away from my place but the sensation of the touch on my lips had not disappeared. It was as if my whole body responded to that touch. My body was like being electrocuted by a low electric current.

"What are you doing?!" I asked in an annoyed tone. But it wasn't a scream that came out, but a stuttering voice full of sighs.

"Relax... we're just injecting something that your body will like."