Sweeter than Cake [MxM] [English Version]

17 / Messed Up

Even after I returned to the bike park, Lynx was nowhere to be seen. The message I sent was unread. And when I called he didn't pick up the phone.

I cycled quickly and planned to drive to Lynx's house in my mother's car. The road to Lynx's house had to go through my house first from the shopping center in this city. So I intended to use the car, in case he couldn’t be found easily.

Just as I was about to ask Mom for permission to borrow her car when I got home, Lynx called me. Finally.

"Hey... where have you been?"

"I get what you're saying, that you want to be watched over by me all the time."

Lynx's words made me realize my own attitude. I acted like a child who was searching for his Mom when they were separated. After some pause in a conversation with Lynx, I was thinking about debating. But Lynx stole the turn first.

"Now you've just realized that you can't stay away from me."

"Ugh... Lynx. You'd better come over to my house for clarity."

"I'll be going to your room in seconds. You're already in your room, right?"

I opened the bedroom door and said yes to Lynx's words. It wasn't long before Lynx was sitting on the edge of my bed. Of course, his appearance has returned to normal.

Lynx looked at me with a furrowed brow as I stood in the doorway with my arms crossed over my chest.

"I asked you first where you were going. Don't change the subject," I said, returning a glare from Lynx.

"Okay. But you also have to answer my next question."

"Deal."

"I was hallucinating while watching you. So I thought I wasn't getting enough rest and went straight home."

"Without telling me first?"

"I told you, you really want to be watched by me all the time," Lynx said with a suspicious smile.

Lynx got up from my bed and approached me slowly. He should have been able to suddenly appear an inch in front of me, but he didn't. I was sure his mind was now starting to turn to other things, besides just not using his efficient teleportation.

"You're not someone who suddenly disappears while working on something. Is it natural for me to be worried? It's not impossible that the terrorists came back and something happened to your house."

"The point is you always think about me, right?"

Although Lynx's movements felt very slow, until Lynx was near me, I couldn't avoid his words and actions. I looked up slightly to see his face approaching.

"Isn't it normal to be worried?"

"Of course it's natural. It's perfectly natural that after someone said he wanted to be alone yesterday, he also called me to ask permission to approach a woman."

"Please look from my side too, Lynx. I don't want to lose your trust in me," I said, half annoyed.

"Well... now the question is, what were you thinking during my absence?"

I reflexively turned to the side because of Lynx's words and also his face, which was getting closer. I can't deny that as long as I was alone to refresh my mind, it was the thoughts about him that kept popping up. I couldn’t sleep well last night because I kept seeing his face in my mind.

"You...you lied to me, right?" I asked, looking back at Lynx.

I knew my question would make Lynx even more certain than I was thinking about it. But what else can I do? I was in a situation where I couldn't avoid all his words.

"Lie, what?"

"You can control the human mind, don’t you?"

"Are you saying that I controlled your mind to think of me?"

I didn't answer. But Lynx was already showing a triumphant face.

"Your question really puts me in a good mood."

Lynx's lips had landed on mine. Squeeze my upper lip, then my lower lip. Unlike the first kiss, Lynx restrained himself from suffocating me. Every now and then he puts some distance between our faces and gives…

Seductive look?

I could say I was lost in the sight of Lynx, who seemed eager to have a kiss. And because his lips weren't always in contact with mine, I could see how he made an expression at that time. In a split second, I could see his eyes and lips were a very sexy combination.

"Are you also thinking of a kiss like this from yesterday?" Lynx whispered in my ear.

I tugged at the neck of Lynx's t-shirt and replied to his words beside his ear.

"I know you think about it a lot more than I do. So shut up."

"That's how it is."

After I heard Lynx's curt reply, I felt a lick from under my ear to my neck. Lynx's tongue and lips played along my neck, then down my shoulders, not letting my T-shirt get in the way of his lust. Just as Lynx's hand touched my waist, my body shuddered and reflexively pushed away Lynx's body with mine.

Even now, I just slapped his hand unconsciously.

"Lynx..." I couldn't continue my words because I saw Lynx's hurt face.

Lynx smiled sadly while raising his hair bangs with his left hand. He bit his lower lip. At the moment he looks disheveled. I saw Lynx from his disappointed face to the movement of his hands clapping on his thighs and looked exasperated with the atmosphere that was happening at that time.

“Sorry, Rui. I promised you but I can’t hide my disappointment.”

Without hearing Lynx’s reason, I already knew that he did that unconsciously. Lynx withheld his desires as much as he could. That fact made the horrible sensation on my skin slowly disappear. My goosebumps gradually got back in their position.

“So… How far can you hold that? Or do you still need some space?”

Lynx's question also intrigued me. But at the top of questions about our relationship, I asked, “Lynx. Why do you like me? Why me?”

Lynx’s expression changed at that time. One word which could describe it might be uncertainty. As if Lynx had asked the same question over time and still doesn’t know what exactly the answer is.

“So if Vanilla knew you before I knew you, then she would accompany you wherever you went. You would like her also, right?”

Call me a heartless person, but I cannot hide this for the rest of my life. If I could make only one alibi, Lynx did not need to like me. I planned to force Lynx to change. I want to change his perspective to like others beside me. So we could live more normally like others.

“What answer do you want to hear?”

“Just answer it.”

Lynx walked toward me, slowly maintaining the connection between his and my gaze. Not only me who wanted to know the answer, but he also tried to search deep into my eyes. As if he planned to conclude something also if he found uncertainty in my gaze.

What I imagined before was that my sentence would disturb his mind a little, at least at the lowest percentage, which has an uncertainty part. After our face was too close to facing any other part of the face than the eye part, Lynx was standing still.

“Why do I need to like any others?”

“I mean…” The closeness between me and Lynx made me awkward for the moment, but I needed to keep looking up at Lynx’s eyes. “You can like another god like you. And you can even have a child if you marry a goddess. You can… Oh my god, Lynx. Please don’t reverse all of my questions like this anymore.”

“You…” As the one word was uttered, Lynx touched my lips with his thumb. “Have all I need. Is that answer enough for you?”

I could even feel the warm breath from Lynx’s mouth every word he said. Plus, I could smell a fruity aroma which I always remembered as Lynx’s aroma.

“No.. I…”

Before I continued, my words had been shut by Lynx’s lips. Warm. And soft. Because Lynx’s motion was so slow, I could feel his lips more clearly than any other kiss before. Even though the kissing happened in only two seconds.

“And how can I find someone who makes me mess up like this other than you? I don't even want to think about anything right now. The kiss suddenly came without my planning.”

Lynx’s sentence was like a fresh idea for me but I couldn’t make it a solid answer. But yeah, Lynx was so messed up right now to the point he could do anything crazy if I opened the barrier I had built.

I didn’t know from when Lynx’s eyes were on my lips instead of my eyes. Maybe I was also messed up when I saw his eager expression from an inch.

“Did you not regret it that I was the one who came into your life?” Forced me.

“I just regret that I was in a hurry to kiss you before, so I need to hold our kiss right now.”

At some point, I can’t concentrate again. All of Lynx’s answers were so absurd that, unknowingly, made my heart beat so fast. My eyes were rolling from Lynx’s eyes to his lips and I realized how moist that red pale flesh of Lynx was. His lips were opened slightly. And its slow movement made me hypnotized.

How can our relationship become complex like this? You were the one who confessed to me. But why am I the one who was afraid of your behavior?

I thought I should have made limitations with some logical thinking. And I thought that I would be able to pass every situation with logic, but I was wrong. Now, I didn’t know why I wanted to adjust my head to reach a balanced height. As if my body was on automatic mode.

So that was what I did. My head was slightly looking up and Lynx did otherwise. I push my face onwards with closed eyes. And there was the height I needed with my non-logical brain. The precise dimension where my lip could touch Lynx's lip.

Instead of a rushing kiss, I felt that my lip and Lynx’s lip had been touched several times in seconds. Patiently and carefully, the upper and lower of his lips tried to pinch my upper lip.

I opened my eyes and saw that Lynx was still closing his eyes. The eyebrow. Eyelash. Nose. I was seeing Lynx’s face while our lips were eating each other like babies drinking milk from a bottle.

My lip moved as it desired, as if it didn't let any second be ordered by my brain. Not only the lips, another part of my body wanted the same freedom from every command from my brain which was hard to avoid before.

Those were my hands. Those limbs which refused to stay still.

Lynx opened his eyes when my hands were embracing his neck. As if a gate had been opened by me, that sign made the unconscious brain Lynx fasten his kiss. He even began to play with his tongue. After reaching my mouth with his tongue, Lynx was tilting his head and making a dozen degrees. As if he didn’t want to know anything besides my embracing his neck, which was assumed as a key to my non-logic world.

Regarding shutting my mind completely at that time, I closed my eyes. Trying to enjoy every single movement between me and Lynx. But suddenly my eyes needed to be opened soon because of a fine knocking from behind me. The door knock was right on my back, so the vibration from knocking was felt on my body.

“Rui, do you still want to use the car? Rui? Are you sleeping?”

I was motionless. My eyes and Lynx’s were open but no one of us was making an effort to reply to Mom. We haven’t cut a kiss.

After several seconds, Mom’s voice disappeared with the sound of her sandals climbing down the stairs. Left an assumption to Mom that I was sleeping.

This time I couldn’t say anything like “kissing is tiring” or just wondering how long my mother had been behind the door. What I thought this time…

Wait… honestly, I didn’t think anything.

What I felt was my heart pounding so loud that it could be heard without a stethoscope.

Right after some oxygen in my blood, which had “disappeared” while I was kissing, was back in my brain, I stepped back several millimeters to release my lip from Lynx’s. I closed my eyes and pushed my chest with my left hand. Afraid it would be jumped out.

Lynx was also surprised by what happened at that time. His head looked toward any direction except me. I couldn’t comment on Lynx’s behavior though. We were like two people who had been teleported to another space. Feel awkward and observe the circumstances with our seeing. Even though this circumstance was the room where I woke up and slept every day for several years.

“Today’s kiss… is different…”

Again. I heard an absurd statement from the coldest person in the school, Lynx Olivine. At that point, I couldn’t bear it. Rashly, I was running to my bed. I was sinking my head into the blanket.

Am I crazy? What happened? Why do I give a kiss like that? Why do I even hang my hands to his neck?!

Lynx succeeded in getting back to himself faster than I. He hugged me from the back while my head was still below the blanket so I couldn’t see Lynx’s face.

“I am so happy, Rui. Thank you.”

“No… No… I didn’t intend to…” I turned my body and saw Lynx with an afraid look. My heart was still beating fast and I still had not calmed down, not like the person in front of me.

Lynx smiled full of victory. He was crouching and looking at me intensely. At that time, I knew. He found me the most nervous of all of our time together.