Ruthlessly

Numb

Jades POV

Move.

Just get away and hide. 

Just move.

I couldn't move, despite the raw feeling in my chest or the lump in my throat. I didn't do anything, I only stared at the wall of the motel room we were in my vision blurry, not from holding back unshed tears, but from pushing myself so far back into my mind that I couldn't see or feel anything happening around me. I didn't care what was happening to me anymore.

I didn't care that he was yelling and screaming at me.

I didn't care that he was hitting me relentlessly. 

I just wanted to die, to curl up and never get back up again. Everything that happened in the last twenty-four hours was my fault; getting caught, the chase, my parents' deaths and the barn.

The barn...

Jason blew up the barn, it was gone. And that was my fault too. I was the reason that the only comfort and feeling of safety I ever knew was gone. At least while I was in the basement, the faint memories I had of the barn made me feel warm. Now I have nothing. I couldn't really care if Jody and Karma found me now, Jason would only keep coming back for me. 

I turned on my side. I was on the floor, I heard the flick of a lighter as Jason lit his cigarette. Then sat on a chair in the corner of the room. I guess he had finally stopped beating me. I heard him inhale sharply, I curled into myself even more, hugging myself with my arms around my shoulders. 

"Where'd all that fire go Jade?" He teased, "Did it get drained from all the running you've already done?" 

I stayed completely still in my spot. I heard the gist of what he had said but the rest of my head couldn't nor didn't want to comprehend a thing. Jason was right about one thing. I was drained. I was tired from everything both physically and mentally, half of me wanted to beg him to end it all right now, to just kill me. 

The other half knew that even if I did beg him, he'd only laugh and make me wish I was dead for every second that I breathed. But what did that matter? He had already spent every second of his life making me sure that mine was miserable. 

I heard him get up and walk towards me. He bent down to where I lay motionless and grabbed me by my hair. I squealed as he pulled me up to look at him. 

"I asked you a question!"  He screamed and I tried to shrivel back into my curled-up hugging form to try to comfort myself, but the grip he had on my hair was too tight. The lump in my throat got harder to keep down. I just wanted to sleep, to dream of something else other than this reality. I was so tired.

My lips parted and I couldn't keep down the throb in my throat anymore, a tiny sob came from me as I answered him. "Yes.." It was a breathy cry, I didn't realize I was answering him. My mind went into auto pilot and only wanted me to do the things that would please him to keep myself safe, like a flight or fight response, and answering him was what it wanted to do at the moment, if I was alert for it or not.

He came close to my face and looked me in the eyes, gripping my hair tighter as he did, he then snickered and pulled my head back by my hair so that I was looking straight up at the ceiling. 

"Good." He spat, "Then I shouldn't have anymore problems with you until all of this is over." 

I looked into his ice-cold blue eyes, he didn't have a single sense of remorse or regret on his face, he looked serious like a solider on a mission. I processed his words and was furious, until this is over?! until what is over? I thought it already was, I thought... no I was hoping that now that he had me he was going to take me out to a secluded area and shoot me in the head, kill me, just end it all. Now that I think about it, he would never do that. That was too damn easy. Maybe I was being selfish, but all I wanted was to end it all. I couldn't believe what came out of my mouth next. 

"Kill me.." I pleaded. He still had my head bent back towards the ceiling. His grip on me lightened and he tugged my head back to look him in the face. First I saw surprise written across his own face before it went to anger and he let go of me completely before standing up. He grabbed his pack of cigarettes off of the desk that sat in front of me, not even dignifying me with an answer, he started towards the door when I surprised myself and jumped towards him, my hand managing to grab the hem of his pants. "Please!" I cried.  

He stopped and turned to look at me lying on my stomach, an arm outstretched clinging to him. He narrowed his eyes.

"Wouldn't you just love that?" He flung my arm off of him and made his way out of the door.

I put my head in my arms and began to cry, soon curling back up into my previous cradling position. 

If he didn't kill me, then I'd kill myself. 

Jason's POV

I slammed down another shot glass, four empty ones sat beside me on the counter. I waved the bartender down before asking for a glass of whiskey. He poured it for me then left to help another customer. 

I looked into the cup and twirled the liquid around before taking a sip. I put the cup back down and let out a long sigh. I couldn't help but think about what Jade had asked me to do.

'Kill me..'

Her words rang through my head like molten silver being poured onto my body. I never wanted things to end up this way. I never wanted her to die. I only wanted her to pay for what my mother did. I wanted Karma to understand that Jade was mine. After all, I was the one who ran with her from the burning barn and I was the one who was with my mother that night, not Karma. I was the one who was entitled to her and whatever happened to her. 

I took another sip from the glass. Jade was the one who decided to run away. She only made this harder on herself. She needed to pay for a list of things but she didn't need to add on to it, every time she did an idiotic thing like running from me, or going to Karma for help, it was something she needed to pay for.. It almost seemed like she knew this and liked what was coming. 

Maybe she thought she deserved it. The only thing I didn't agree with was death. Sure, she was broken, but that didn't mean that her fire was gone she's always had that. That's why I was surprised when she begged me to kill her. She's never seemed that gone before.

I guess I did blow up the barn and I was even a bit upset that it was gone, but Jade? She barely remembered ever living there. I don't see why she's so messed up about it.

I ran my hand through my hair, then placed my elbows on the counter, I looked towards my wrist to look at my watch. It read 12:00 am. I'd been there for hours and the bar closed in about an hour or so. 

I drained the rest of my glass in one gulp and stood up, leaving a handful of cash on the counter. The bartender quickly walked by and nodded his head at me as he passed. I pulled out a cigarette and then turned to walk outside. Once I got out, I stood in front of the door and lit it, looking over to the window of my motel room. The bar was attached to the motel which went around, only leaving space by the highway for people to drive in. 

I stared at the window of my room expecting to see Jade's movement. I knew she would have gone to the bathroom to use the toilet or wash up because she was more comfortable while I wasn't around. I didn't blame her. Hell I would have yelled at her if I had seen her stand up while I was around. 

But I didn't see her move at all, it didn't seem right... no something didn't feel right.

'Kill me...'  her words rang out again, 'Please..'

I smashed the butt of my cigarette between my boot before beginning to walk towards the room.