Pose For Me

Tension

But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ.

"I'm getting nowhere" I inwardly think to myself . The debate going on in my head almost shattered my brain, "I just can't get through to him, but I know there is a breaking point."

His face takes my breath away his presence makes me uneasily excited, somehow he snakes his way into my mind keeping it occupied 24/7. I'm invested with him what is it about him that draws me like a magnet, what is it about him in general. Dark, mysterious and clearly very dangerous. It's my own fault, I'm a professional yet my hormones seem to overtake my mind, no matter where I look it's like I can feel his eyes on me, anywhere except the bathroom. I need to stop but how and where do I begin?

"We all know the story of Adam and Eve" the preacher says through the microphone. The Saint in me speaks to remind myself where I am, My mind cleared of Rafael ... temporarily. I look up to the gray haired pale skinned man that stands on the tallest steps giving him the perfect view of the sea of people that sit Captivatingly. The rows of people all have the same blank look, letting their brains soak up the lecture. Everything was just the same. I zoned out so much I didn't even notice half the words he said, I'm my own problem.

"Eve tempted Adam because she was never true to the Lord, she wanted to taint the good will of a man and foolishly let a snake slither its way into her lightheaded brain". I'm the only one who seems to not have understood his pun or cared to much as my face remained stern with a hint of confusion. Mean while a sea of laughter roared in the church as the beat of the drummer beats on his drums to give the joke more humor, however something familiar pops into my head at the word snake, my legs involuntarily squeeze together, and a surge of heat seeped through my skin rendering my body to suddenly feeling like I ran a mile.

Thats right.

veined hands, my womanhood exposed, breasts mauled, sweat and moans.

My skin felt like it was on fire, and I found myself huffing out a breath of smoke, either I'm ignited by lust or being burned with sin. regardless the memory was so arousing I pressed myself further into my seat as I inconspicuously rotated my hips feeling my c**t rub into bliss. I'm nearing my end until I slowly look up deliriously after feeling eyes burn my forehead, my curly fro blocked my entire vision but I was able to see through small patches of light in some open spaces, I look up sluggishly as to be careful not show a face of sweat and almond shaped eyes darkened of lust from my previous actions. I see them, those brown eyes, she watches me, The preachers wife.

The thin olive-skinned woman sits like her majesty next to her husband chair, legs crossed with the usual unreadable look on her face, my eyes scan the beautiful Mexican older woman from her thin long legs that compliment her black dress to the large breast that sit high and proud, style senses of clothing changed significantly, they used to be a simple top, pencil skirt, topping it off with a blazer, hair up neatly in a bun. Lately that dropped and she now sports floral dresses that always expose the top of her breast that were clearly oiled up prior. Marianna is her name or as I'd like to say she-devil, she always watches me, waiting for me to do something, her tones towards me are always accusatory, something in me just feels like she hates me deeply especially when my hands are hooked around Justins. A sense creeped its way through me as I watched her face contort with the usual disgust, normally I'd look away when I found myself staring too long in shame, but as of lately I've been wanting someone test my limits, My eyes remain on the women in a challenging stare, however a little heat surges through me and I found myself rubbing my legs on Justin's thigh, hooking an arm around him to meet his shoulder, I couldn't help but size her up menacingly claiming the property she could never own. Justin's actions seemed to be the cherry on top for he rubbed his palm on my thigh like a person exchanging body heat.

Envy. It creeped its way to the woman's eyes and I couldn't help but smile triumphantly.

"Women were born to seduce and they will be the downfall of a man who is weak" the preacher says loudly, like an unwanted disease Justin threw my leg off his knee and wiped his palm in his suit Jacket earning a smug look on the Elderly womans face, Karma comes quick doesn't it? A cold bucket of regret was dumped right on top of my head, I felt my dark brown colors slowly drain out of me, once again I'm the center of attention for all the wrong reasons. My head lowers in shame as I tuck my palms under my bottom in attempt to keep my body warm to not suffer from hypothermia.

Another pair of eyes bore through my left cheeks, I'm almost certain it was a bystander that saw the whole thing, I was brought to peace of mind when I saw it was Amber, at least its someone I know so the taunting could be a bit bearable. Amber stares at me questionably but I can hear her loud and clear, she ducks looking away trying to hide a laughter that's about to erupt and strangely I did as well, she had her ways of making me feel better even if it's at the cost of laughing at me. My head whipped towards the clock in a double take when a figure caught my attention, my silent laughter came to a complete halt and it's replaced with furrowed brows. My heart nearly slammed out of its ribcage when underneath the clock on the wall in a dark shadow I see Rafeal in an all-black suite, large-muscled arms crossed over his chest, curly hair completely free cascading down his chest with a devilishly sexy smirk.

I couldn't shut my eyes hard enough to try and reopen them for a clearer image and when I do open them the figure was gone. Maybe I should be the one to see a therapist.

My cellphone pings loudly and I cringe at the sharp sound, I rush through my purse to quickly silence the device before hesitantly looking up to apologize to everyone sending daggers my way.

"Are you serious? People are staring " Justin huskily whispers earning giggles from a woman in front of us, I couldn't be anymore embarrassed. My phone Than started vibrating, Ducking my head I slowly try to get up to head outside however I wasn't Fortunate enough to sit on the end, I inwardly scream and cry when my wide Hips smack each persons head in the front row, silent cusses and fat shames come my way and I couldn't wait to get out of the building.

"This is The prime example of Eve's deception" I pause when I feel eyes on the back of my head, though it's a sermon in regards to another, I couldn't help but get the feeling those words were directed towards me. I stood in the middle of the walkway and turned around to see the preachers eyes scanning my entire body, I wanted to drown.

"This here ladies and gentlemen is the real reason there is r**e towards women" he eerily walked to the stairs descending one by one with his eyes still piercing through me, the closer he got the more I felt my self shrink.

"Take a look at this young lady right here" he stands face to face to me, his large belly almost pushed me back, the beard he sported clearly has never heard of conditioner, the sweat he build made him like a pale donut, I sometimes question how the wife got with him but it was never my place to judge. My uncomfortable level rose to an all time high as I feel everyone's eyes scanning me up and down, he put me in the spot.

A large hand sticks itself on the small of my back, my body and his now touch on the left side as he came next to me turning me around to see the full ocean of eyes directly on me. "This is why you ladies scream r**e but come to a sanctuary dressed like this". I couldn't tell who I was more disappointed in, The women that mindlessly shook their heads to this false statement or the fact that I was being singled out when his wife sat directly behind us with her whole chest exposed for all to see with no repercussions. What was wrong with my outfit? Mid thigh, skin tight spaghetti strap black dress that contrast my thick body, it had a blazer but with the New York heat, it was best to ditch it before I pass out. In every angle of my eye sight there are eyes fixed right on me left, right, straight. A memory surfaces through my mind and I shrink trying to hide myself behind the preachers larger from.

Analisa come here sweetie, come stand next to me. My seven year old self happily strides pass my peers in the class, it was always a great thing being next to the teacher my classmates made it seem. Though she rarely ever picked me, today was my day to shine. Clueless, ordinary child I was, I finally made my way to her grinning, only for her to take two steps away from me warily.

After applying gloves on her hand, she stands to my left with a few distant spaces and faces me towards my lighter shade of peers. Oddly enough their faces looked amused, I don’t miss the giggles and some fighting but to laugh.

“This class is an example of how not to look in public” the statement Caught me off guard as I turn to look above at the teacher, a mask was was on her face and I found myself asking when did she throw it on and why? Suddenly my hair was being tugged while fingers dug into my scalp. My legs were glued to the floor as I can only remain Stoic, fighting the urge to not run. Suddenly she calls on multiple students to describe what they see and hear:

She needs to wash it

Does it smell?

Why does it sound like dry rice?

I wished to disappear.

The memory keeps my flesh still, while my soul traveled back into the past, there I stood next to the younger version of me, I want to reach out to console myself, but the younger me didn’t cry or back down. The memory faded deep into my subconscious that even the grown apparition of me was shocked when this happened, younger me moved away from the teacher and pridefully stands in the middle of the class. “Mrs.Scott, thank you for the lesson, this is hair that I was born with, though the complexion does not match anyones in this room, I can certainly say mine obviously stands out Lice free, unfortunately I can’t say the same for my peers, better get more gloves and masks I think Timmy’s lice have started to roam free in the classroom”. All the students scream and run from Timothy as the teacher grabs the spray.

The situation is no different than the present, but I’ll be damned if it happens in the future. I blink out repeatedly until my eyes blur from the past to the present, the preachers hand is now on the right of my bottom lightly squeezing. The man is truly unfazed that his wife is still right behind us, is she used to this behavior? my circumstances made me uncomfortable, I found myself shrinking away from the faces that are fixated on me, and the hand that’s on my lower body.

Icky. that’s all, Icky

The church bell sounds and he quickly moved his hands from me when everyone started to stand, I’m scrubbing myself hard tonight. I try to walk away when he roughly grabs my left arm, a harsh wind escapes my throat at the force that no one saw.

“ Dress better in my church you slut.” He snarled into my ear, is this the same man that praises Our lord? He is scary.

“I-im sorry” I protest

He quickly leans into me almost connecting his lips with mine but I instinctively moved my head faster, “Come to my church again in such attire and I’ll carve out your p***y and hang it on my wall … to enjoy” the eerie silence of the church made my predicament ten times worse, his threat hung over my head like a balloon on a string silently making me vow to stick to only suite pants.

“Let’s Go, Blanco hombre “ a smooth Spanish voice comes in. Though the woman clearly has a distaste for me, I couldn’t be more grateful to her now. The preacher doesn’t let go of my arm instead squeezes tighter at my attempt to pull away. I don’t look at his eyes though I feel it burn my cheek, his nails dig in to me breaking through the skin before letting me go. Mariana and him say nothing to me as they look at me walking away. My main focus is getting out of that church and into the safety of Justin’s. Amber and the girls run to me in a panic,

“You ok?”

“Why would he do that?”

“Has be seen his wife”

All the come t try together trying to console me but I want no part in it today. I just want to get home and be alone with my thoughts, cause in my thoughts, they bring me him. The group hug did nothing to gratify the need in me, I want to go home. Justin steps in taking my arm, I apologize to the girls and allow my body to be once again tugged like a dog on a leash, but dogs are treated better. I’m thrown into the car and I can see from the beginning I was in trouble.

“Are you trying to embarrass me?” He spits through the car.

I was called out, touched, and humiliated. He was embarrassed? We finally make it home but I’m not eager to get out the way I was earlier, I already know what I’m expecting. However this excitement in me was the pep I needed in my step and little by little I was in front of the door first. Justin behind me angrily throwing me in the house as he bent me over, my breathing seems to have lost control as the sound of the belt being undone became clear.

Why am I so excited? Suddenly a thick Russian accent is heard from behind.

“Move and I’ll make you scream” a strong hand held my hips in place as the belt came down hard on my cheeks earning a cry from my throat. More and more whips and more wetter and aroused I became, my mouth sucks in sharp breaths, I want more, I’m so close, please just give me more.

My wish was granted than everything goes black.