Pose For Me

Blessed Accident

The moon was full on this Starless sky, I see fireflies creating a beautiful orange of flying patterns outside and giggle to myself, how fascinating we've been taught orange signals fire yet will happily gather around to watch tiny insects casting the same glow. The usual moon light cascades into the corner of my room, the same spot, the same warmth.

Hi mom.

I can't help but keep let a tear fall, even when she's no longer here physically her presence and warmth still hug me as if she were, my drive and inspiration watches over me throughout most difficult challenges after I had given up and she'll be there until the end. I need to focus. My eyes move back to the open Bible in front of me, my knees hurt from being in one position for too long, my elbows propped on the edge of the bed as I wait for my Boyfriend to finish the prayer that I wasn't paying attention to.

I look up to him and give a half smile, dazedly eyeing his Unique features. My Justin, my best friend and my partner, on most days it's hard to get through the acceptance of my mother and fathers passings but his hand guided me through the darkness and brought me to Christ. I stare at his closed eyes through his glasses, I hate when I can't see those green orbs they are my favorite, his pale skin doesn't glow under the lamp but his firm biceps through his white sleeveless tank top flex beautifully, red hair tied behind his head. He will go on all night if I don't pick up where he left off, I just can't help it. I watch his red plump thin lips move, all noise silenced for I can stare at them forever, I read his lips as he recites the verse in his head until they still and the eyes I love so much are on me.

The noise returns, crickets are loud as ever and the passing car horns are in competition for who is the loudest. That's right New York never sleeps. I daydreamed too long and now it's my turn, The orbs I love so much are staring into mine and I want to slowly sink to the bottom of the ocean. I look at our books and realize we're not even on the same page, though I can't see his eyes I feel them piercing the top of my forehead, my stuttering and nervousness surfaces and he sucks his teeth in.

"Are you kidding me?" He speaks angrily and I unconsciously moved away from the bed not wanting to look up at him afraid it'll make him angrier.

"Why can't for once you get your head out of your ass" he chuckled as he speaks softly. My head is still low, but I feel him rise as the temperature suddenly drops, - what have I done now? why was it so hard to not make him angry at me.

"I-I'm sorry I-" I'm afraid to say the wrong thing, tears are threatening to come out, but it'll just make him angrier.

An eerie silence falls through making goosebumps rise on my skin, I'm afraid to look Up to meet his eyes but his feet are still in my view, he's a good distance away. I feel him stare at me heavily until he scoffs "What the hell are you wearing?" His voice grew calm and I close my eyes thinking I'll receive blow, My clothes are in the washer, I managed to find black Contrast Binding shorts and a white tank top. But that's not what he meant, though he asked it was in regards to my large booty cheeks spilling out on the sides and my braless double D bosoms with my n*****s poking out through the shirt. I suddenly felt naked through his eyes, My hands went up across my chest as the other to cover my bottom in attempt to hide myself,

"I-I Pl-Please" tears start falling, feeling him come closer, his big pale feet come to my view on the left side of my eye, my heart thunders when he crouched down next to me and his hand cupped my chin tilting my head upward to look at him. I didn't fight as I let my head fall to his Will flinching everytime I saw other movements, my eyes land to him and we engage in a short staring contest as I try to figure out a way out of this without anymore bruises, my long Curls fall to my eyes blinding me, I feel his mini grip tighten and I calmly

Blow them out of the way, a small growl erupted from his chest and tears fall uncontrollably, my heart and Mind thunder inside with their battles.

"Such clothing is sinful, you should be ashamed of yourself" his words are like venom making me cringe.

I'm to refrain from all s****l thoughts and to remain a virgin until I am wedded.

After what felt like ages he roughly dropped my head walking away harshly, the biggest cooling wave washed through me like water extinguishing fire, darkness Suddenly wraps it's arms around me, I hear shuffling than see the bed dipping. I look up and he wraps himself like a burrito on our bed, I stand slowly and hesitantly walked over to the bed until he looks at me "You know where you sleep w***e" the words dropped like acid from his lips but I argued no further and turned away heading to the basement. My fiancé just kicked me out of our room but I am more than happy to go, sleeping next to him felt like being next to a handsome devil but when I'm alone and away from that devil my heart pounds as my body gets excited , because in my dreams I'll get to see

Him.

The basement feels like I'm living in a box, the paranoia of feeling spiders crawl on me puts me on edge and with the temperature I might as well have slept in the freezer. My back can't find comfort on the wooden floor as I lay in the small available space in the room full of old clothes and furniture, but honestly this is my happy place for when my hands start to move on their own I won't have any interruptions. Sleep seems to never be easy When one is eager to go to bed; my heart keeps thundering and my breathing is heavy with excitement. This is my favorite part of my life when my eyes are closed I don't remember when they started but I hoped they will never stop.

Could it be an alter ego my brain created to balance out my pathetic love life on earth?

Or could this be an angel come to keep me comfort never wanting to step in this fake household. It has to be, I can never see the face it's always blurred.

It doesn't matter to me what matters is seeing those blue eyes that make my heart melt

I try to put myself at ease to calm my racing heart and accomplish my goal as I feel my eyes getting heavy and breathing even, a smile is pasted on my face as I happily welcomed darkness.

My eyes lazily peel open only to be surrounded by a white background and what appears a White lily garden, my favorites. My hands reach out and feel the soft peddles and view the ocean of the white Flower beds that I can see clearly from my position in the middle of the garden. My dark brown skin turned neon next to all the dark green stems, I then realized my fingertips were decorated with coffin shaped French acrylics, the wind blew from my behind and a white silk dress came to my view from my feet, my attention now averted to my body and I realize I'm in a white sundress, I couldn't see passed my ample oily breasts but my hands feel the spaghetti straps and they move down to my large wide hips until they rounded to my ass. My curls fly freely and i stopped to admire this peaceful nature I'm deprived of at my real reality.

But the aching in my heart refused to go away until I see the real trophy my heart desires, on cue hundreds of Deep blue butterflies with black outlines suddenly fly past me as the wind blows almost harshly nearly topping me over, I lose my balance and feel gravity pull me to the floor until a large veined hand catches my elbow and white dress shoes become visible, I felt my heart sore as I recognized that ring on his finger "Have you missed me My love?" That rich chocolate Russian voice warms my entire body and a tear of happiness falls as I look him up slowly. My head craned up the sun beamed into my eyes but I felt no pain, I feel no pain no sorrow when I'm with him. A beautiful smile came to view and I stared into his eyes for they are the only things I can see, the rest of his face is always blurred. We're in this position for moments and moments just looking and admiring each other and than I hear that scary sound that I always hear behind him, The sound of gunshots, men screaming in pain and women moaning and crying. Every time I try to look behind him he softly cups my chin to keep my head in place.

"Don't worry about the fire that I will never let burn you my love" he tells me and I melt.

"Kiss me" I whisper staring at his lips slowly wrapping my hands around what I think is his neck bringing him closer as I stand on my tippy toes. "Kiss me my love than touch my body like you do every time" a glint In his eyes came and went as His blurred lips come to view with a hungry smile stretched on his face, my body grew weak feeling his large hands slowly move down to my Ass grabbing handfuls but never the whole thing, his strength pushed me upwards and our lips grazed each other's. With a growl he dropped me back to my feet and angrily spun me around, my back meets his front as my head falls on his chest I'm completely at his mercy as his hands freely feel me up. I feel a massively large print in between his legs and I whimper.

It's like I'm a virgin all over again when we're about to make love.

"Tell me where to touch you" his voice warms my ears making me moan at the warmth of his breath in my canal. My hands touch the spots aching most, when I crane my head up to look him in the eyes from my position "Here baby, touch me right there" my dress lifted up as my bare p***y comes to view my big breast spill out from above the dress.

"Show me how bad you want it" he smirked

"Please don't tease me" I whimpered

He intimidated me by coming closer "don't make me repeat myself, please do what I say, I don't know how much longer I can keep my self control"

His words hit the nerve and I move away from him ripping my clothes angrily off my body standing naked towards him. I watch as he palms his bulge gritting his teeth, our eyes keep the most intense eye contact daring one of us to break first, I slowly lied down on my back and he stands above me, my mouth waters as i watch him unzip his pants painfully slow. I got irritated as I watch him peel off multiple clothing until he pulls out a jaw dropping Veined beast, his pre c*m was like an aphrodisiac as each drop that leaked from the top to the ground vibrates my body and acted as a life source for the flowers around us.

They bloomed to life soaking up the liquid, as I will be shortly crying for mercy from him.

The erect third leg points to me and I grow more horny at the sight; tanned, thick, long and veins on the side with a purple top it looked awfully painful. I wanted to end his silent misery my Fingers entered my p***y and I'm shocked at the juices that spill out, my c**t pink and popping out as I'm near my edge just with my fingers. It seems I also was suffering silently. Like a predator stalking it's prey he gets down on all fours and menacingly makes his way towards me, my heart Thunders watching his eyes turn onyx with a growl but a happy sigh escapes my lips when he's above my body I watch his lips part as he's getting ready to say something

"Wake up you w***e", my brows furrow at the familiar comment "Wh-what?"

"Wake up and go to work" suddenly his voice changed and the background disappeared.

Cold water splashes on my face and my body shoots up. "Wake up you lazy w***e" my fiancé screams oh that's right it was just a dream I'm back to reality and I couldn't be more sad, also on the edge could he have seen me? He would flip and kill me watching me do such acts.

My fiancé works as a real estate agent and he's the best one there is, he's highly popular in that industry wanted by all the higher ups especially the women, I don't think much of it I trust him, he's a real great man who's dedicated himself to our lord and walks in a straight line he tells me he's working on his anger issues and it takes time since it's a childhood trauma of watching his dad beat his moms head in with a trophy when he came home drunk. I have sympathy for him and choose to stay by his side, but I haven't yet come clean about these dreams I've been having, I enjoy them in secret.

I still remember the day we met and how grateful I should be that I met him since I was nothing before, I was an orphan my whole childhood was taken from me, I was controlled abused and treated as a maid and body shamed but the Bible always helped me get through and the light of my parents that guided me, i had no one by side everyone turned me away I had to remind my guardians that I needed food or else they wouldn't give any to me I was only allowed 1 meal a day that consisted of cold vegetables a breast of a chicken warm broth and a moldy bread.

It wasn't enough but I was thankfulI

I breathed in through my nose as I swallowed the painful memories re burying them in the back of my head. I open my eyes once more and I see my adult self beautifully grown. My 4a hair was healthy and strong faux eyes with dark brown orbs and thick lips, my eyes traced down to my body admiring the curves I was told to hate large breasts sitting perky on my white blouse, 23 inch waist and very wide hips with my pink pencil skirt with a slit on my right, my right thigh, big firm legs stand tall all the way down to my white stilettos.

I stared at my self in the mirror yup I'm my mothers daughter.

My phone pings and my smile brightens when I see my receptionists name.

"Good Morning Kathleen I have missed you"

I quickly pull the phone away from my ear cringing when she squealed "How was your vacation Dr Abbot , we miss you and your clients haven't stopped calling for your return"

I really love my Career

"I'll be there in 20 minutes, please have the papers ready for me Kathleen I've missed you all greatly and can't wait to be with you again "

My office isn't far and I enjoy the walk as the streets of New York come to life well it actually never slept but it's more awoke now. Gentlemen in suites pass me angrily on the phone, women's gossip fill my other ear as I dodge all the incoming bodies while keeping my self in check. I cringe closing my eyes as I didn't get the chance to cover my ears, I was ambushed the second I walked through my office doors to my squealing receptionist, a petite little being, nearly crushed me in her arms at her hug I felt my lungs burn for air and my vision gets blurry.

Reluctantly letting me go I hungrily sucked in all the air around me like a puffer fish, "it's great to see you too Kathleen, how have you been?" I swore I broke a rib or something she started speaking from the the lobby to the hall all the way up to the 5th floor, my office. Kathleen filled me in on everything about what's been happening and how many flowers I've been receiving and see you soon cards I smile joyfully at all my clients reaction to my unexpected Leave of absence and I missed them dearly, Kathleen hands me all my papers of all my clients that'll be coming today I look through all 12 of the papers from all my usuals, to my favorites my brows furrowed at the very last page.

Rafael Popov

"who's this?" I point to her she furrows her brows at me and silence falls between us.

"Could it be that Russian billionaire " she squeals "but wait why does he need to see a Christian Therapist?" She questions making me wonder.

Though I've never heard of the man or know what he looks like "maybe he's for the other floor for trauma I'll hold onto it just in case and he'll come find it if he needs it" we both agree

"Show time" Kathleen says.

I managed to get through the day, my office full of white roses and Lilles as all my clients didn't come empty handed. They had lots to tell me and I was all ears, I stretched getting ready to pack up when Kathleen calls my office with a shaky voice "D-dr-Abo-abbott , your Um- last patient is here " she sighs. I furrow my brows and wonder maybe it wasn't a mistake after all, I prepare my notes and files with some fresh bottles of water when I heard a knock at the door "please come in I say kindly adjusting my seat with one leg crossed over the other the door slowly creaks open and An expensive wood cologne fills my nostrils and a chocolate deep Russian Accent rings in my ears

"good Afternoon ma'am your receptionist said to come up" my eyes slowly move up at the door I see black Italian leathered shoes, black trousers and a black dress shirt with 3 buttons undone a veined hand holds on to the door while the other hangs my eyes move up to the face and I almost fell backwards as a single tear rolls down my eyes. Black curly hair, olive skin, pink lips and ..... Blue eyes.

Could it be?

The man in my dreams?

No way

But this man, he stands in front of me even more beautiful than a firefly at night.

For the very first time my wish was granted as time finally stood still letting me enjoy this blessing that was brought to me unknowingly.