Pose For Me

Unpleasant

How would I view myself, looking into your eyes.

The metal of the utensils colliding with the ceramic dishes clink obnoxiously as they float around the bubble water in the sink, I can see my reflection within the surface, how old was I? For a child I had visible wrinkles and bags, if that didn't scream abuse I didn't know what would, I am exhausted. I sense a presence from behind me, eyes are watching me, I hoped it was someone to take me out of my misery; gently ending my poor excuse of a youth, I saw no bright future for myself and just accepted the inevitable. My prayers came unanswered as my ears picked up giggling and receding pitter patters.

The young girls that stop their daily activities just to come and rain on my storm, they are in the same predicament as me; no parents or family to claim, yet they choose to take it out on another suffering soul, human nature seems to be getting worse and worse by the day. Wiping the sweat off my forehead with my forearm I caught a scent of my underarms and winced, at the age of thirteen my hygiene greatly deteriorated, at this point I can say to abandon any hope and to get comfortable with my misfortune.

Who would adopt a child that couldn't keep her self well maintained? It isn't my fault, but they aren't asking me.

My body is sore and I can feel the fever coming back on, I need to get some medicine. Coming to the cupboard I got a glimpse of the calendar, just as I feared, my birthday. I stopped counting and celebrating, what was there to celebrate? My parents have passed leaving me orphaned, the mental and physical abuse I face in this dorm or the fact that I'm constantly reminded that I am not needed every day. A little part of me however is happy I'm closer to eighteen, than I'll be free from these chains.

In every good there is a bad.

I'm about to reach the Medicine when the bell sounds off sending a wave of excruciating pain straight to my brain, Adoption time. I need to hurry and get my supplies before they come in. A part of me is grateful they have banned me from being present during choosing; I won't have to watch again being rejected.

Dozens of shoes hit the ground hastily at once from the other side of the door, I can hear them forming a straight line starting their attendance, one by one they call out names giving me the perfect time to make my way back to the basement. My steps just weren't quick enough; by the time I got to the door that slightly resounds with a petty squeak, the clearing of a throat rings into play -halting all any further movements-.

"Where do you think you're going?"

That low gravel of a voice spoke, I winced at the rang that came from behind me halting all my movements. Like a ghost she will appear in the most sudden places leaving you wondering how in the world you didn't hear those loud stilettos a mile away.

With caution I turn to face the woman that has made sure to make my life here a thriving nightmare; anything I would do against her expectations would result in dire consequences on my part, it's almost as if she sees me as threat.

Black stilettos and the usual long pencil skirt that did her thin legs no justice but paired well with her pale skin, I always thought darker colors matched her aura.

The usual Humorless expression with a glint of anger lingering in her brown orbs cast chills down my spine; it's something I should already be used to but yet, I'm always caught by surprise.

"I-I was j-just" my stuttered voice are what she loves more, dehumanizing me is her goal.

With a maniacal voice "I see those classes we've given you were a waste of time"

By the time families have already arrived I was given a longitude of things to complete in the kitchen; from cleaning out the fridge to scraping every shoe residue with a tiny stick with a tennis ball at the end.

Sore back and exhaustion were the only things to describe me at this moment, I see now how Cinderella felt. The Applause and cheers resound like thunder in the other side awakening my curiosity, a part of me knew to remain where I am but the other part that screamed to take a look was overwhelming my senses.

Something was just calling me.

My chores were completed and I tried to creep through the crowd, my stench and clothing wasn't really helping me maintain the 'Incognito' that I was going for, I'm sure someone has noticed me by now since I clearly stood out amongst the expensive and formal, it only deepened my insecurity huddling my steps to go quicker. I wasn't far from my destination, a breath of sigh flowed out of me once I touched the handle but than something caused me to freeze, I have felt this before that chill running down my spine. I'm being watched again, intently. I need not get my hopes up for I'll only get disappointed in the end. Trying hard to focus I just can't seem to move; slowly turning around I scanned every corner, no one seemed to even look at my direction until my eyes landed on the right corner by the door.

She looked just like me; her shade slightly being darker with beautiful high density tight curls that didn't hide the moisture within, brown fox eyes with big pouty lips that formed a tiny O shape in the middle. Clearly her beauty stood out and her presence were most prominent within this whole sanctuary, we were graced with a goddess, a goddess of the sun, and she looks at me.

A dream that soon started to shatter when I watched her orb's move from my toes to my head, expression; curious. I'm unpresentable and smelly all was already lost before being collected, I was one again broken until I could see her smile, pearly whites that almost made me go blind, she's smiling at me? Or at my state? Her eyes relaxed as her smile only deepens to a genuine degree, she is smiling but not at my misery, was I?- my heart thuds once more before my brain could finish the sentence with excitement. However soon falters when I looked at the evil figure behind her, the darker aura came neck and neck with the Angel causing me to fear and quickly turn to my room.

I don't know why I keep getting my hopes up, my life has been set; once I leave here I'll be out in the streets fending for myself, but for now I mustn't do anything to jeopardize being kicked out, my mind stays on the young girl and wondered who would be lucky enough to be blessed with calling her sister. It was all I could think about until I was embraced by a slumber.

A loud bang awakens me from my dreamless slumber my bones shook violently when I heard the stilettos that echoed loudly within the room, I back away hitting the wall as tears fell, what could I have done now? What am I going to get hit with this time? The figure emerged and there she is, an unreadable expression but eyes full of rage and fire.

This is new. Normally it's relaxed but the darkness still swirls heavily around even when she's not trying, her hands are empty but the cracking of her fingers by her thumb let me know she's holding back, immensely. Her eyes bore into mine making it burn and I Blink away the tears.

Her voice strained bad as she forced her words "Get up ". No questions asked as I was already on my feet, "upstairs ".

The whole time I was in front I was constantly being knocked over and over by the 'wind' my joints consistently collide with wooden frames and bricked walls, a murky aura with the stench of distaste is the feeling I could describe as she walked behind me, I could feel her eyes peel my skin painfully. I rub my elbow while we walked into her office, there she stood.

The little Goddess with eyes of hope, she runs to me with a smile so bright as if finding the most irreplaceable possessions in the world. For the very first time in my life someone didn't cower away from me or scrunch their nose in disgust while they spit into a trash can to get rid of the taste in their mouths, no, tiny arms and body ignore my state and hygiene as they connect to mine in an embrace. She's... She's hugging me, tightly.

"Hi sister". The voice of an Angel whispered into my ear canal; mini sultry voice flows melodiously within lighting up the cold darkness in my heart while she tightened her arms around me threatening to break my bones and cut off my blood supply.

"And sign right here" I look over at the table to see a dark-skin woman hastily signing away at every line that was pointed with tears in her eyes as she repeatedly glanced over at me, each time was like the first; eyes widened with hope and love.

A reality I haven't soon adapted even when the pale skin-walker announced the very words

"Congratulations .... Your adopted ".

***

I didn't know a room could be so large or a bathroom so big it could fit an elephant, my bed was like sleeping on foam, heavily different from the hard ground. This was my room.

I turn towards the young woman and The older women that I'd soon start calling 'mom', they look at me like with happiness but also view me as fragile glass, teary eyes with a sad half smile in daze, Sympathetic.

I look at them intently as they look at me until My Vision blurred out tremendously, it wasn't until I blinked and realized pools of hot liquid began to cascade. The emotion over took me as I fell to my knees roaring out a sob; Years of pain and torture, the emotional and physical damage I endured unprovoked. I'm free, I'm finally free.

Multiple Hands wrap around and body heat warms me up, I could just feel it, the love and equity that oozes off from these Goddesses. My family.

Finally settling down I was put to rest and slept for a day and a half, food was always ready for me with bright smiles.

"Oh yea, I forgot to mention I'm Magdalena but you sister ... call me Maggie".

My sister, my only family who took me in and sheltered me from the darkness and cold, the gratitude I have for her could never be enough for everything she has done. My dear Maggie, I remember once you told me you loved me so. Yet with this very mouth you have sputed out words even yourself would be shocked to hear.

"What are You doing here you monster?" Her voice shook while she clutched the door that separates up desperately. I can't speak and I'm suddenly embarrassed to, taking a step closer she backed away threatening to call the police. I'm stilled in my tracks feeling the tears break through, never had she threatened to call the cops on anything.

For in this society, Majority of the very men and women that wear the uniform to protect only favor the fairer skin with Eurocentric features. Maggie calling the cops on another woman that looks like her shows a deep level of fright. What have I done?

"Ma-magg".

"You should be ashamed" she roared. "You and Amber are devils."

What? Me and amber? My brain runs rampant nearly blinding my vision while I try to process every word.

"What you did to that poor girl,"

My eyes snap up widened and she backs away.

"Maggie, I -it's me your sister" I nearly got my voice to work with out breaking.

"I should have left you at the adoption agency, you have blood on your hands, beating that woman's head in and -and " she paused taking a deep breath swallowing thickly but that didn't stop the tears, it's like she was relieving everything. "Laughing".

My whole body shakes listening to her words, is she joking? Why can't I remember? Laughing at another misfortune? It defies the very law of why I chose my profession. "Please Maggie" I managed as she stares at me in caution, eyeing my every move closely in fear.

"Wh-what happened, I can't remember a thing the last thing I woke up to ... I -I was in my room and there was Justin's mistress and my eyes and than I was - I was taken by these men."

Her eyes slowly grew wider as she fully processed the events, "men? You mean Rafael?" My body trembles and a slight kick in between my legs nearly caused me to crumble at the name. But how? How does that name have so much effect on me?

"How do you know that name?" I cast her a shocked expression as she only relaxed hers.

"We always agreed to never fight over a man" she scoffed with a mocking tone "he's the name you kept screaming while you and Amber suffocated the girl" suddenly her fear shrunk away and a strong demeanor overtook.

"Your a monster, And I hope the man you so badly want will give you every single thing you ever wanted". She seethed one final time eyes pierced into me painfully in disgust before a wind almost trampled me backwards and I was met with the Steele door.

My whole body froze in fear and alert, was what she was saying the truth? I can't tell, my Maggie saying those awful things to me and about me? My sister? Tears fell and chills ran down my spine as that certain feeling returned.

Im ready to try and knock once more before I was rumbled I'm fright by the loud car horn behind me. That's right my taxi driver, who witnessed the whole scene. The tears in my eyes couldn't stop my head nearly bursting from the silent sobs. Maggie's words were like a broken record; I just couldn't forget the lyrics, they replayed over and over, I'm no murderer, I could never. An anxiety overwhelms me as that feeling suddenly returned once again helping me silence up a bit.

There were no cars following us or any thing out of the ordinary until I looked at the rear view mirror to find the taxi driver's eyes peering right through me. Odd, no conversations just staring every chance he got until we arrived at my house.

Had he heard? But he didn't understand, did he?

He watched me as he turned the corner leaving me uncomfortable to move any further he probably heard everything. I want to rinse myself of this day and the shame, my head is ready to explode but it didn't so replaying Maggie's words. Once I'm fully sure the taxi driver left I slowly turned towards my house in walk of shame. After only two stops I halted all Movements completely, my heart hammers widely within in fear, maybe it was my paranoia of things but at the corner window of the room , my room.

There was a figure, a large manly figure looking right back at me.