Poor Me

Chapter 8

Mica

After new years eve party I haven't talked to Dylan much that's why she wanted us to meet at our favorite cafe to catch up after work.

I really have to stop agreeing to meet up with my friends because when the day arrives I hate myself for it.

Dylan is late like always which I appreciate because I don't know if I'm ready to see her after what happened between us at the party. I'm angry at myself for not having control over what I was doing. Dylan is a beautiful woman and when she looked at me the way she did... I can't even blame the alcohol for the way I acted. I just hope she doesn't catch me on my facade of acting like I wasn't affected by that kiss.

Or by her.

Dylan comes strunting inside the cafe with her long platform heels, tiny short skirt and a white shirt tucked in. Her hair down, just how I like it. She has a red lipstick on that makes her look matured yet super sexy. Her brown eyes bright as they are framed by her wavey brown hair.

"Wow you're really pulling the hot secretary thing off" I say standing up to give her a hug. We hug for a second before we break off and she sits across me.

"Oh Babu, if I'm giving you a lady b***r just say so" she laughs.

"You are"I grunt out.

Our eyes meet and I forget all about telling her that its a joke. I don't think it was a joke in the first place. Someone clears their throat beside us and we realize that the owner Paula is staring at us waiting for us to order.

"What can I get you, love birds" she gushes in her high pitched voice.

"We're not..." I rush to correct her.

"Coffee. One with milk no sugar the other black with sugar please" Dylan orders cutting me off.

"Coming right up" Paula smiles then she leaves us.

"Weird woman"I smile.

"I like her"

"Yeah, weirdos are supreme"

There's an awkward silence which was never there ever since we started being friends. I clear my throat ready to tell her to not worry about what happened.

"Mica it's okay I'm not going to jump your bones it was just a silly kiss. We were drunk it didn't mean anything" Dylan says before I can say anything.

"I'm glad you feel like that because—don't get me wrong you're beautiful and a wonderful person— I can't be with you. I can't be your rebound so you can get over your ex. You went through some stuff and I don't want you confusing things to what they not"

She sighs"I don't want to pressure you in to something you're not up to but correct me if I'm wrong Mica. The kiss...there was something there... when we kissed I felt something. I'm not saying we should find out what it is or anything, just putting it out there" she shrugs.

"I know" I say, because even if I refuse to explore what I'm feeling atleast I can admit that I have feelings for her.

"Here is your coffee. One black with sugar, one with milk" Paula says placing our drinks and muffins that are free when you order on the table.

When Paula leaves I take the chance to change she topic.

"Have you talked to Cruse, ever since... you know" I cut myself off not wanting to say something that will upset her. I really didn't think this through. Anything to stop talking about my feelings.

"You can say it Mica it's fine" she sips her coffee "to answer your question, no, I haven't spoken to him"

"Well, are you gonna?" I ask.

"Maybe. I want to hate him but I don't want to disappoint mom. it's complicated"

"You won't. You're mom would understand"

"No she wouldn't, she'd pick his side and make excuses for him"

"You know you're allowed to love someone but not like them right"

"Ha. How's that work"

"You have no choice but to love them but you don't love them"

"Yeah well I guess that's what happening to me then"

"I guess so"

********

We arrive in Dylan's apartment after hanging out at the cafe. We want to watch a movie because it's late and we want to hang out some more.

"You can make popcorn while I change into something comfy. Get the wine glasses out too" she disappears to the room she uses which was once a guest room. She couldn't keep using the one she shared with Tate because she said it brings back bad memories. I told her to move out but she refused saying she's not ready yet.

I don't blame her though. She started her family in this place which didn't work out as planned so she's still holding on to what she once had. She has not completely moved on which sucks.

I place the mixture of unpopped grain , oil and salt into the stove cranking it to maximum heat. When it's start popping I take the wine and take the glasses to where we are watching the movie. When I come back the popcorn is ready. I pour it to the bowl, put the seasoning then make my way to the couch making myself at home.

"Hey have you picked a movie"

"Nope just waiting for you"

"Well okay then, mmmm let me think" she paces around in her tiny sleep shorts and tank top like she's making a life changing decision "Oh! I know. Let's watch Escape room 2"

"You really liked the first movie didn't you"

"A lot. It was kinda scary but cool" She starts searching for the movie while I grab my phone looking for trailers and reviews. Basically spoiling the whole thing for myself. Dylan gets annoyed when I do this but I don't like surprises so I just like knowing what to expect.

"You're looking for spoilers aren't you" she rolls her eyes."Seriously is it that hard to just watch something without knowing what will happen prior to watching it"

"It is. And you know I get secondhand embarrassment about anything, I'm doing this for my sanity"

"It's cute that you get embarrassed by the silliest things" she pokes my stomach.

"it's not. I'm not cute"

She laughs clearly happy for getting on my nerves "Yes you are especially when you're pouting"

"Let's just watch the movie" She's still grinning as she pull a blanket over us while she gets comfortable by my side.

Two hours later were eating ice having enjoyed the whole movie. Dylan is sitting cross legged in front of me while I have mine tugged under me ice cream between us. Dylan is the only one with a spoon so she eats then feeds me.

"You have have ice cream on the corner of your mouth" I tell her.

She tries to wipe it but messes up even more.

"Here let me get it for you" I wipe it with my fingers then bring them to my lips to lick it off. She sucks in a breath, her eyes wide like I just did the most sexiest thing she has ever seen. I avoid her eyes taking the spoon from her, scooping up a spoonful of ice cream then shoving it in my mouth. She just stays quiet not moving from her spot.

Fuck!

I shouldn't have done that. I love my friend but I can't get my heart broken not after I've sheltered it for so long. I will be there for her but just as a friend and nothing else. I can't afford to lose this friendship —to lose her— over being her rebound. I have to get out of here before I I do something stupid like I did at that party.

"I'm tired I think I should go" I stand up and she does too.

"Okay let me place this in the freezer so I can walk you out" her eyes don't meet mine as she speaks which makes me feel horrible. Before I can think better of it I yank her arm, pulling her to me. The ice cream tub falling down.

She looks at me with her beautiful eyes blinking slowly.

"What"

"I... you..." I bring her closer "s**t! what am I doing" I say. Which are the last words that get out of my mouth before I do it again.

I kiss her.

I kiss her hard and fast. Feasting on her mouth. Tasting her sweet lips again. My tongue sliding against hers as she kisses me just as hard. She throws her arms around my neck bringing me closer than before. Holding me tighter. I pull away taking her lower lip between my teeth. Sucking on it a little.

"So good"I rasp

I kiss along her jaw, while leaving marks behind as I trail kisses down her neck.

When we kiss for a long time on the couch I feel like I'm floating in nothingness. But when we break apart tell each other our good byes I know she didn't break down my walls. She made her way inside and I won't be able to get rid of her.

I don't want to.