Poor Me

Chapter 5

Dylan

I'm clearing up my table after a long day at work. Amazing right. I didn't think I'd ever get back to work after what I went through but 6 months later I am slowly getting back to normal. I still have sleepless nights and bad dreams, I also still miss my boys and mom but my therapist says it'll get better with time. I believe him. I will never forget them and I haven't healed fully but I'm getting there.

I had to undergo mediatory therapy sessions before I could get my job back. It was for the best since Tate also wanted me to go. I was hesitant to open up until the second week. it just felt weird to talk to someone I didn't know about what I went through but it did me good. I should call Mica, she worries which is cute.

I make my way to my car, my heels clicking on the pavement. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. I hope Tate is home maybe she prepared something for supper.

Shit! these heels are killing me, being a sales manager is a lot of work. But it is what I want and it pays great so gotta see it through my boy.

I drive for 20 minutes until I'm at my apartment. Sometimes I dread coming home because I know that I won't find my babies home. Tate suggested we move out but that doesn't feel right, it feels as though I'll be abandoning them in a way.

I park in our underground packing lot and make my way to our apartment. As soon as I open the door I get rid of my shoes then make my way to the fridge to find something to snack on. I pick a banana then I take a bottle of water and set out to find Tate. I know she's here I saw her car and the door wasn't locked.

And that's when I hear it.

Faint sounds coming from our room as I make my way there. I'm almost scared to even open the door but I do because for some reason I have to make sure that I'm not dreaming. That it is really what I think it is.

I push the door slowly my heart beating so fast I think it's gonna pop out. And even though I already had an idea what was happening nothing prepared me for what I was seeing.

I drop my water bottle splashing the water all over my legs.

My fiancee and my own brother, naked in our bed.

Having s*x.

I clutch the banana in my hand staring at them. I want to leave, to just run away and never come back. Tate locked eyes with me.

"I'm sorry Dylan"

I hate that my I start crying. That I'm hurt by this. I shouldn't be, they don't deserve it. For some reason the fact that it's my brother hurts me 10 times more. I bring my eyes to my brother. "Why her of all the women in world, why would you do this to your only sister"

He scoffs and gets up to wear his clothes. I rush to stand in front of him. "Oh no you don't get to run you coward. Talk"

"Why don't you ask to your girlfriend those questions"

"Because we don't have the same blood flowing in our veins. I didn't grow up with her. She's not my brother"

"Oh please don't act like you care about me" he pushes me out of the way.

"What? you think I don't care about you. While I sent money to mom every month so she could take care of a grown man like you. I was the one mom came to when you wanted a car, when you wanted to get it fixed, when you wanted fashionable clothes. I was the one who sent the money. Me. Even though I was trying to save for my wedding and had kids I always sent some to mom for you" He looks shocked like he doesn't believe what I was saying to him.

"Well you still took mom away from me"

"What?"I ask baffled by what he's saying.

"Mom killed herself because of you" I wince stumbling back like he slapped me. I can't get any word out and it seems like he's happy with the effect his words have on me.

"Cruse leave!" Tate shouts.

"With pleasure. You're not a good lay anyway" he says to Tate storming out.

The silence in the room is so loud you could hear a pin drop.

"You did this on purpose didn't you" I say

"I just...I knew you wouldn't leave me if I cheated with another person. You would have made excuses for me. I'm sorry Dylan but I can't do this anymore"

"I'm just disappointed in you. I can't believe you would do that to me after all we've been through" I choke on air."With my own brother in our room"

She is silent, shame in her eyes "I'm sorry Dylan, I really am"

"I thought you didn't like men" I say really confused.

"I don't"

"Well it's hard to believe that when I saw my brother balls deep inside of you." I say dryly.

I take the ring out because it feels like it's burning me and it's doesn't feel like mine anymore.

I go to our closet taking my suitcase out and I stuff some of my clothes inside and rush out to our bathroom to grab my cosmetics bag.

"Dylan you don't have to leave, I will. I already made plans"

I scoff a scream choking me up

"Plans. Well I'm not staying here. The smell of s*x makes me want to vomit"

She doesn't respond for a lot time and I'm almost happy that this conversation is over when she starts speaking again.

"Look Dylan I don't want to hurt you but this was not working for me and I needed a guaranteed way out. I've always loved you and you know that. I was loyal to you and I was going to marry you but losing our kids made me realize that I'm too young for that. It gave me a second chance in life and I want to take it. I want to focus on my career and live a little. I know this will sound lame but it's really not you it's me. I need a fresh start. I hope you understand."

"First of all you were not loyal to me if you could easily f**k my brother in my own bed and make sure I found out. We could have 'lived a little' together. That fresh start you're talking about we could have had it together. Me and you like you promised but no you wanted to f**k your way out of the promises you made." I zip the suitcase with more force than necessary and wear a sweater over the clothes I was wearing at work. "I'm keeping my kids with me and because I don't want to see you ever again that means this is the last time you get to see these urns. It's not like you care anyway"

I push open the door taking my heels with me not bothering to put them on and make my way out slamming it behind me. I make my way to my car but when I'm there I realize I don't know where I'm going. I can't go home for obvious reasons and I don't want to be in a hotel room all by myself because I might do something stupid. I start driving which is hard because my eyes are blurry with hot tears threatening to fall. I arrive at my destination yanking my suitcase out of my car and grabbing the urns living the heels behind and making my way to my the small apartment I've come to many times only this time it feels different. I'm no longer the person I was. I've lost so much I feel like I'm not the same person anymore.

I knock taking a step back waiting for her to answer.

I take a deep breath, wipe my tears the try to gather myself. But when Mica opens the door, takes one look at my face then hugs me as tight as she could.

I lose it.